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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
thanks I am happy to have people comment. I have more poems feel free to comment on them if you want.
Well this is a great effort.
I like how you've incorporated a lot into something so small. This is a good start but try to make things a bit longer and more detailed.
"Don't know what to do or what to say,
lost everywhere I go and still nothing to say,
don't know what direction I should take,
or what mistake I made,"
This first part could with some fixing, because i fee that you haven't introduced what topic, or what setting, or what climax your are trying to give to the audience.
The rest is fairly straight forward and good, so no change needed there.
"tired of trying to escape when my mind is trying to think,
I'M LOST LOST lost......."
I think that you could change this ending line to something more creative and out there.
But overall this a very good start. So just keep writing!
Well I made it longer and a little better I think so feel free to reread it.
thanks
Hello jolene15,
This wasn't a fantastic poem, it was good but not fantastic and I think you could improve this in many ways because it was just a it simple and kind of bored me toward the end. I did like the general idea though and the choice of topic but the actual poem wasn't really of a very high quality. I would also suggest making this longer because it was very short and I'm pretty certain that you can expand this and perhaps make it more advanced.
This is a good start but your poem kind of just stays at one awkward stage and nothing really happens. So you might want to make this longer and more enticing and good to read. Keep on writing you have a good start and when you have developed this I'm sure you will have an excellent piece of writing.
From CuteJackRussell
Hello jolene15.
The rhyming kind of stops part way through the poem. Apart from that I thought it was a good poem. Keep writing!
Thanks and okay its not one of my best but i posted it on here such to see what people would say i wrote it when i was 12.
It sounds like you were just ranting to be honest. I like the idea and some of your lines are really good, but others are confusing. I say you rewrite the poem somewhat. Also in the end I get your trying to display emotion but I feel like you yelling at me which makes me want to tell you to shut up...