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Thanks and Yes the comments do help but this is the way I like it. I did yes change what most of you said was wrong with it.
Hey, Jolene. I have just a few pointers for you...
First of all, I think you should take away the bullets. It makes it look like a list of items, and it takes away from the emotion.
Also, you really need to keep an eye out for grammar.
It should be:
Remember that there is a space between a comma and the next word. For example: "Well, thank you."
Instead of, "Well,thank you."
Also, on the last line, you need to take out the space between "best" and "?". They should be connected.
Except for a few grammical errors, this is a good poem with good feeling and good potential.
Keep writing, Jolene, always keep writing.
~Rainn
This is a very good poem but, even though it's probably a mistake, the bullet points aren't needed.
"you promised 4ever,4life," should be
"you promised *forever*, *for life*,". Also, some of the sentences don't flow right. For example,
"when I can't get you out of my head, and am still loving and caring for you" could be,
"when I can't get you out of my head,
and am still loving and caring for you"
But this is still a promising poem.
Keep writing
~The World
Hey Jolene!
First off, it might have been a mistake, but I think you need to remove the bullet points. Poems don't need bullet points, and it just makes it seem like a bunch of notes.
I think it would be better if you said "Forever" and "For life". Grammar is important, after all, whether in poetry or prose. Using "4ever" and "4life" is pretty much the same as text speak, which I strongly suggest avoiding.
I would disagree with Imhero. I did manage to find a rhythm, although it was a little inconsistent towards the end.
Personally, I try to avoid using long sentences in poems. I think that's what made the rhythm incosistent. Then again, it depends on the poet. If that's how you want it, I suppose it's alright.
Overall, it was a good attempt. Short and sweet.
Keep Writing!
~Lemony
Oh, one more thing. I think your title was supposed to be "What am I supposed to do?" It's a small thing, but important, all the same!
I hope everything works out for you!
~Lemony
Doesn't have much of a rhythm or a rhyme scheme.. plus its very bad taste to use numbers in poetry that mean words..
okay thank you I will fix them numbers in to words honestly forgot I wrote it like that my bad...and not all poem have to have a rhythm or a rhyme scheme do they ?
Not all poems need rhyme scheme but they need to have rhythm.. You can write however you want to write, I just wouldn't categorize it as a poem.