honeymoon!
This is incredibly sweet, a narrative that takes us through a beautiful friendship that recounts only good memories. I understand the desire to do this as a birthday gift--exploring only the positive--but I'm curious as to the outcome of the poem, the emotional impact, if you'd explored some contrasting emotions as well. How do emotions compare, after all, when they have their opposites to talk to?
That said, the biggest thing to work on here is flow. The whitespace and line breaks are generally good choices, but the sentence structure is repetitive and gets a bit sluggish later on in the poem. That is to say that it's the natural "Noun verb adjective blah blah blah" that we use for academic papers. And even then, I believe it should be changed up. I believe it can be much more potent if changed up here and there. Experiment with this.
I love the references and the in-jokes, but I would certainly attempt the contrasting emotions and structure changes.
Hope this helps!
Ty
Points: 1626
Reviews: 745
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