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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Shadow's Rising Chapter 5 (part 2)

by dragonight9


By the time Shadow returned to his listening spot the sun was beginning to set. He quickly listened for their minds and found all the dragonets were back in their cave. Most of them were doing homework or laying around but Hailstorm was reading a book on one of his favorite subjects. Ice Wings.

The book was written by a Sand Wing on a series of stone tablets which made no sense to Hailstorm. Why wouldn’t the Ice Wings write about themselves instead of letting someone else write it. Then again maybe they had but didn’t share it with anyone. But that option didn’t make sense to him either. Wasn’t the whole point of writing things down to share them with other dragons? That’s part of what made books, and the knowledge contained within them, so fascinating to Hailstorm. You could write an idea or piece of information down one time and hundreds of other dragons could read it. Even dragons who lived long after you died!

Regardless, this Sand Wing seemed to know very little about what the Ice Wings actually DID in their day to day lives. Most of the book was about how Ice Wings were supposed to love science and collected knowledge from all over to hoard it for themselves. They lived high on top of mountains where it was cold, and the sky was clear. Apparently the air was harder to breathe the higher you went but Ice Wings were fine.

Another aspect of their culture was that they loved to study the stars, and from that study came prophecies. They came in cryptic messages and always fit what eventually happened (though Tempest said it was just good guessing and making the prophecy vague enough that anything would fit). Hailstorm didn’t know how the stars predicted the future, but he was sure it was backed up with logic and reason somehow.

The writer went on to say that ice wing cities were massive intricate structures made of ice that were built on a massive chunk of ice called a glacier in the highest and coldest mountains on the continent. They also…

“Dragonets line up!” Quake boomed as he entered the room, tearing Hailstorm from his reading.

Shadow would have sworn he could hear the Sand Wing soldier’s commanding roar even from above ground. Shadow could feel all the guardians had entered the room and the dragonets quickly gathered in a line before them and sat down to listen.

“Thank you Quake.” Shear said respectfully (and much more quietly) before turning to the dragonets.

“We have come to let you know that we will be having a visitor tomorrow. We have recently received a message that informed us of a Flame Wing that has been sent from Queen Sear to determine if the prophecy dragonet of the Flame Wings will be safe here.”

“So, you’d better be on your best behaviour, or I’ll kick every one of your tails!” Surge added.

This knowledge sent a wave of emotions through the dragonets. Not only did this mean that they would be meeting a dragon from outside the cave for the first time, but it also confirmed that Shadow’s message was true.

Shear sighed patiently at Surge’s outburst.

“We need to make a good impression so that she will let this dragonet join us. So please act politely to our guest. I’m sure you will like him when he arrives.”

“Humph. Of course they will. He’s going to be part of their group for the prophecy after all.” Quake said dismissively.

“And what happens if we don’t like him?” Tempest challenged. Shadow could feel all the guardians’ annoyance, but before they could speak Aurora answered.

“What do you mean? Of course we’ll like him. He’s a dragonet just like us. He was chosen by the prophesy too so he’s probably very nice just like us.” She said pleasantly.

Tempest was a bit annoyed that Aurora was agreeing with the guardians but she also realised that antagonising the guardians further wasn’t going to help her or her friends. Hailstorm and Boulder both let out mental sighs of relief as the guardians’ growls subsided.

“I’m sure you will all get along just fine.” Shear said kindly. “Just remember to clean up after yourselves especially well tomorrow so that everything looks clean and tidy when the flame wing arrives.”

“Get to sleep early as well. We don’t have room for dopy dragonets. Understand?” Quake warned.

“Yes sir.” The dragonets all sighed.

“Hmph.” Quake snorted as he left.

If these dragonets mess this up and prevent us from gathering all the dragonets for the prophecy I’m going to loose it! Surge thought as she walked away as well.

Shear waited until the other guardians were gone and whispered to the dragonets.

“This dragonet was raised by one of the temple guardians who work with the Wings of Protection. In case you forgot, it was the temple guardians who were tasked with bringing your eggs here. Unfortunately, queen Sear of the flame wings refused to allow a Flame Wing egg to be raised by other tribes outside of their capital city. In the end the Wings of Protection struck a deal that he would be watched over by the temple guardian until he joined you. So he may have been given special treatment and expect certain privileges that he won’t get here. I hope he can adapt but you might have to deal with a bit of complaining. Just be open and try not to treat him too harshly when he arrives ok?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to mess with him just as much as everyone else.” Gale joked.

“And I’ll make sure he’s caught up on all our lessons.” Hailstorm added, which made all the dragonets groan before they all broke our laughing. Shear giggled a bit as well.

“Well good. Have a good night’s rest dragonets. You’ll need all your energy for tomorrow.” Shear said as she turned to go.

“Goodnight Shear.” Gale, Hailstorm and Aurora called while they all waved goodnight.

“Goodnight everyone.” Shadow whispered as it hit him once more just how lonely he felt without Jarid around. The flight back to his cave felt lonelier and colder than it had in a while. He wished Jarid would come back soon so that he had someone to say goodnight to him.

He shook himself as he landed in dragon valley, his tail smacked into a tree and he winced. He chuckled to himself.

Ironic isn’t it? You only seem to carelessly stub your toe or hit a tree with your tail when you’re already feeling down. I guess there are some things I could be excited about though. The Flame Wing is coming tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what they look like and think about. Shadow thought to himself.

Unfortunately he just couldn’t seem to get himself excited about anything. With a sigh he laid down. It felt like there was a weight on his heart that just wouldn’t go away. Perhaps it was because of all the bad things that had happened to the dragonets that day. Or maybe he was just lonely after missing Jarid for three months.

Shadow sighed. Placing those thoughts aside he should probably get to sleep early too. There was no telling what would happen tomorrow, and he wanted to be awake for all of it. He couldn’t help feeling a bit cold in his loneliness and hugged himself with his tail as he spread his wings over himself.

His thoughts turned to his mother as he sought some way to comfort himself. She had lived a wonderful life and her memories lived on in both Jarid and Shadow’s minds. Shadow tried remembering some of her memories now as he fell asleep. She had enjoyed the company of many friends while she was growing up. He closed his eyes as he thought of some of the memories she had shared of them…


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Sat Dec 09, 2023 4:11 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello again, my friend!

So, the dragonets finally learn about the visiting Flame Wing, from someone other than Shadow. I can't wait to see what they make of that. I also like that this chapter gave Hailstorm a spotlight, so we know more about him now. He definitely comes off as the "nerdy" character, but I don't mean that in a bad way ~ I also really like Shear, keeping the grumpy guardians in line. She must come as such a relief for the dragonets, haha. By now, I'm still leaning toward Tempest being my personal favorite, but that's just me.

And Surge...like I said, I won't make any judgments, but she's still giving me some villainous vibes. There's grumpy, and then there's...her, lol.

It was nice to get some more information about the world via Hailstorm's book, as well. More information on prophecies, sure, and one of the dragon types. Ice Wings certainly sound reclusive and isolated in this world, especially since Sand Wings are the ones that have to write about them, but more tuned in to the magical and potentially spiritual side of the dragon race. That sounds cool.

I like that you split Chapter 5 into two parts, because it works nicely. They're shorter, yes, but it works better with Shadow moving around and redirecting attention from Tempest/Aurora to Hailstorm. Good decision, there.

I have no remarks on errors or structure, but really reaching here, *maybe* the term "prophecy dragonet" that Shear uses in her announcement would sound better as "prophetic dragonet." That is the proper term for anything that is of or relates to prophecies.

Of course, that is my personal opinion, and I am no professional.

Overall, great chapter; things are really getting going now!




dragonight9 says...


Thanks for the review, you always leave great comments on what you're getting from the story and it's very helpful.
I also like the change to "prophetic dragonet" since I was basically stealing the term from "Wings of Fire" for the dragonets. It would be nice to kind of make it my own in that way.
I'm really excited for you to read the next chapter as it is one of my personal favorites. Kind of filler/backstory but it was so fun to write.
I'm glad you enjoyed, have a great day/week



RavenAkuma says...


No problem, and I'm glad my comments are helpful! :)



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Fri Jul 07, 2023 3:29 pm
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review! I have not read the previous chapters, so I am just jumping into the middle of the story.

I really like the premise of this! A school of dragons meant to fulfill a prophecy is a very interesting concept (i hope I’m understanding it right, since I haven’t seen the previous chapters 😅)

One thing I especially like is the unique narration.

By the time Shadow returned to his listening spot the sun was beginning to set. He quickly listened for their minds and found all the dragonets were back in their cave.


The story is told through an omniscient narrator, except the narrator is actually a character in the story who can read minds. This is a very interesting perspective that I don’t think I’ve seen before.

Your storytelling is great, but there are some sentences that need additional punctuation, such as question marks or commas. Here are a few examples:

Why wouldn’t the Ice Wings write about themselves instead of letting someone else write it.

^This should end in a question mark.

If these dragonets mess this up and prevent us from gathering all the dragonets for the prophecy I’m going to loose it!

^This should be “If these dragonets mess this up and prevent us from gathering all the dragonets for the prophecy, I’m going to loose it!” (Comma between “prophecy” and “I’m”)

The writer went on to say that ice wing cities were massive intricate structures made of ice that were built on a massive chunk of ice called a glacier in the highest and coldest mountains on the continent.

^ This sentence could be reduced down, like this: “The writer went on to say that ice wing cities were built on glaciers in the highest and coldest mountains on the continent” (The reader already knows that a glacier is a large chunk of ice, so it can be removed from the sentence)

I hope my review was helpful! Keep up the good work!

—GengarIsBestBoy




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Sat Jun 10, 2023 4:09 pm
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Kaia wrote a review...



Hi, dragonight!
It's time for another review. :)
It appears the dragonets have different expectations as to what the Flame Wings will bring with them. Some seem excited. Others seem like it'll just be another day. You did a good job in bringing out the different attitudes here.

I really feel like the arrival of the new dragons is going to be trouble for Surge. I feel like she somehow owes the newcomers respect, and that will be tough for her to give. But, maybe that's just my assumption. ;)

I really like how Shadow can sort of "hear" the book that Hailstorm was reading because Hailstorm was mentally pronouncing the words he read as he read them. That's awesome thinking there! :)

“Goodnight everyone.” Shadow whispered as it hit him once more just how lonely he felt without Jarid around. The flight back to his cave felt lonelier and colder than it had in a while. He wished Jarid would come back soon so that he had someone to say goodnight to him.


I really love how you wrote that Shadow was so lonely after all the dragonets went to bed. How much he misses Jarid! He wants company so badly. In fact, I believe that is what drives him to keep going to where he can listen to the noises of the little underground kingdom of the dragonets. He just wants to hear voices and thoughts again to cast off his loneliness. Poor Shadow. This is so relatable. And then he goes on to think about his mother...someone else he misses dearly. I feel so sorry for him. He's so young, and yet, he's left all on his own with only voices and memories to sooth the aching loneliness.

“So, you’d better be on your best behaviour, or I’ll kick every one of your tails!” Surge added.

I love this! You're so creative with taking human expressions and turning them into dragon-related insults and expressions (like lazy lizard). That's awesome! (And sometimes, like in this case, a lot cleaner, lol) Nice, nice, nice. :)

I have a few things to point out here. ;)

“Goodnight Shear.” Gale, Hailstorm and Aurora called while they all waved goodnight.

Here, there should be a comma after "Goodnight" (which I think should technically be split into two words). This is a direct address. And then there should be a comma instead of a period after "Shear."

Why wouldn’t the Ice Wings write about themselves instead of letting someone else write it.

This is technically a question, so it should end with a question mark. This is something I personally have issues with. I'll write a long, rambly question and then I'll totally forget it's a question and end it with a period, lol.

Tempest was a bit annoyed that Aurora was agreeing with the guardians but she also realised that antagonising the guardians further wasn’t going to help her or her friends.

There should be a comma after "guardians." Technically the verb in this sentence "wasn't" should be "weren't" because the subject of that sentence is "guardians" so you should use the plural verb, "weren't."

Hailstorm added, which made all the dragonets groan before they all broke our laughing.

"Our" is a typo here. You want "out." I have that problem, too. Sometimes, I'll type too fast and the wrong word will end up in the text. :{

“Well good. Have a good night’s rest dragonets. You’ll need all your energy for tomorrow.” Shear said as she turned to go.

There should be a comma after "well" and the period at the end of "tomorrow" should be changed to a comma.

Unfortunately he just couldn’t seem to get himself excited about anything. With a sigh he laid down.

There should be a comma after "unfortunately" because this is an introductory element...I'm not good at explaining the reason for this one, lol.

And that's it! Overall, fantastic job. Your writing style is smooth and yields easily to mental images and sympathy. Nice job. Keep it up!
-Kaia




dragonight9 says...


Thanks for the review. I think you're really going to like Chapter 6. Part 2 of it especially.
I want to give my reader a big range of emotions. Up and down, excitement and sadness, joy and anger.
It's so incredible how a writer can do that in such a short span of time. And if a story can make you laugh out loud it's a keeper in my book.



Kaia says...


You are excellent at writing emotion. That is for sure. Keep up the great work!!




Sometimes my life just sounds like surrealistic fiction being sold on clearance at the book store.
— J. G. Hammersmith