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Shadow's Rising Chapter 11 (part 1)

by dragonight9


Chapter 11

The dragonets made it about three steps outside before they all stopped in awe at the shear size and brilliance of the outside world. Their minds had paused for a moment as they tried to take it all in.

Meanwhile Shadow got a good look at the other dragonets for the first time.

Tempest was sitting as she looked around and squinted in the sunlight. Her scales were a mixture of dark and light blue with small streaks of white here and there. Her wings were all dark navy blue with tiny white specks like raindrops. They also seemed very streamlined and tough. Probably for swimming or flying through bad weather.

Gale was craning his head back as far as he could to stare straight up into the sky. His mouth hung open slightly as a result. He was all grey, though he had a lighter grey underbelly and blueish grey wings. His tail was a lot thinner than Tempest’s but just as long. He was also quite a bit smaller overall compared to the other dragonets. At least 2-3 inches shorter than Shadow who was about average size for a dragon of his age.

Boulder was looking around at the forest and trying to keep the sun out of his eyes. He looked pretty much exactly like Shadow had expected. He had strong golden brown scales along this back and wings but his legs, neck and even a bit of his head had much darker brown scales. He was a little bit bigger than the other dragonets though not nearly as big as Quake or even Shear. He had no horns but instead had small spikes where his horns would be as well as a few spikes on both sides of his jaw kind of like a strange small beard.

Hailstorm was the first one to begin thinking again as he looked around the clearing all the while comparing what he had read to what he was seeing. His scales were mostly a cold blue with the rest being snow white. His eyes were also a bright blue as they studied every aspect of a tree. Shadow had heard that Ice wings were covered in icicle like spikes but even though Hailstorm did have a few spikes on the edges of his wings and his back as well as a couple tiny ones in the center of his head, they looked more delicate than sharp. His talons looked sharp though. Shadow could easily imagine how they could hook into a glacier for footing or a dragon’s hide to tear them apart. Shadow shivered at the thought.

Then Shadow’s whole world seemed to grow dim as he noticed Aurora. She was standing just outside the door with the biggest smile Shadow had ever seen and had tears of joy running down her face. Her scales though! It looked like they were made of silver rainbows. They reflected the light like mirrors and seemed to ripple with color whenever she moved. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of violet and her horns even had small swirl designs on them. Her wings were a light grey and had streaks of the same colors that made up the designs on her horns. She had small ridges on her back from the top of her head almost to the tip of her tail. She looked so soft and delicate as she sat there. Then she blushed and the fin-like ears just below her horns twitched in embarrassment as she realised that everyone was staring at her. Even Shear.

“W-what’s wrong guys?” She asked, shrinking back self consciously.

“Sorry Aurora. It’s just… your scales.” Gale said in awe.

“They’re beautiful.” Boulder praised.

“You’re so pretty Aurora.” Tempest agreed. Aurora’s cheeks turned light pink and she twiddled her fingers in embarrassment.

“I think I read about a certain type of snake with scales like yours. It was called a rainbow snake, and it is said to be one of the rarest snakes in the jungle.” Hailstorm commented excitedly. Aurora looked down at her scales.

Wow. Maybe there is something good about being born this way. Even if I can’t control plants, at least I have these pretty scales. I just wish there was something about me that would help my friends, she thought, smiling sadly to herself.

Shadow wished he could comfort her but before he could move Shear stepped forward.

“Sorry to interrupt dragonets but we must get moving. We can talk more when we get to the base of the Mountains of Rain and Night,” She said as she spread her wings.

The other dragonets spread their wings and Shadow followed a second later. Shear leapt into the air and shadow leapt after her. Then they paused as the rest of the dragonets took a running start and slowly climbed to meet them. Shadow had forgotten that they were raised with a roof and probably didn’t know how to take off straight upward yet. Shear patiently waited until they were all together before taking off towards the mountains.

It only took them a few minutes before the mountains loomed high in front of them. The dark clouds enclosed within cast a constant shadow with the occasional flash of lightning lighting the further peaks. It was easy to see how the dragons had given them this name. The Dread Mountains also fit the ominous shadow the sharp peaks cast but Shadow felt he should use the name the other dragons used for it.

They landed at the base of the first mountain. Shear turned to the dragonets with a serious yet calm look.

“This will be the last time we see each other for a while little dragonets. If you have any questions please ask them now, and if you have anything you want to say to me, or the other guardians please don’t hesitate to tell me,” she said almost pleadingly.

She wanted to do everything she could for the dragonets even up to the last minute. Her serious look giving way slightly to the true sadness underneath as she tried to hold herself together for them.

The dragonets all tried to think of something they could ask to delay their parting. Shadow could feel their sadness, and surprisingly none of them, not even Tempest, tried to hide it. Hailstorm raised his talon.

“What kind of monsters should we be wary of? Is there any that we should watch out for?” Hailstorm asked. Shadow knew that he’d probably already read about every dangerous monster on the whole continent, but it was still a good question. Shear smiled and nodded, grateful for the chance to prepare them as much as possible.


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Tue Jan 09, 2024 4:20 am
Ventomology wrote a review...



Hiii! So sorry it took forever for me to get here. My travel schedule has been disgusting. Let's jump in, shall we?

While it's exciting to see the other dragonets for the first time, I think you actually need to streamline that entire section. Think about the elements that are most important, or find ways to say more with fewer words. At this moment, I think it will do more for you to only give each one--barring Aurora, maybe--one or two really impactful sentences that demonstrate their overall vibe. We're going to spend an entire novel with these characters. The details can come in as you go along.

Along this line... it might be cliche, but you can use words related to each dragonet's elemental type when you describe them! In fact, it would probably reinforce their descriptions a lot. You stick really hard to grey for Gale, but think past that--there are a lot of words out there for things air and sky-related. Is he wispy like a cirrus cloud? Spry like a songbird? If you draw comparisons instead of trying to accurately depict each dragon's color and gradient and size in the sort of scientific way you have here, you will be able to say a lot more about each one's physical character, not just their physical attributes.

Moving along:

Plot-wise, love the choice to start introducing things that really set the dragonets apart in terms of what their own little mini-plots and development will be. Aurora being so pretty could be the beginning of a romantic subplot (think they might be a liiiittle young, but if you're spanning a few years, then no problemo), or foreshadowing to her having a special role in the jungle. Or both! Nicely done.

On to the next one! Hopefully sooner rather than later. Hope this helps,
-Vento




dragonight9 says...


Thanks for the suggestion about how to describe the dragonets. I'll definitely take that into consideration.



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Thu Dec 21, 2023 11:44 pm
PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello friend!
I saw that your work has been waiting in the Green Room for a while and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was a great chapter! I've reviewed a chapter further in the novel than this one, and I have to say this lived up to expectations!

The dragonets are introduced and described in a very neat way before beginning their descent up the Dread Mountains. Once up there, the danger they're in becomes truly understandable as Shear tries to prepare them for what lies ahead as much as possible.

This is a great chapter and definitely makes sense with the rest of the novel, which I really appreciate as a reader!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be a really small thing when you were using numbers. You said,

At least 2–3 inches shorter than Shadow, who was about average size for a dragon his age.


But generally, when we're using numbers in our writing, we write it out instead of using the actual number, so it would look something like this:

At least two-to-three inches shorter than Shadow, who was about average size for a dragon his age.


But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, I would pick two! And they both would be related to the way you showed and portrayed the different characters.

The first is when you were describing all of the dragonets and their appearances. You do a really good job painting the picture of what they look like, especially when describing Aurora. You said,

It looked like they were made of silver rainbows. They reflected the light like mirrors and seemed to ripple with color whenever she moved. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of violet, and her horns even had small swirl designs on them.


I loved this description so much! The vocabulary you used, mixed with the vivid picture of what she looked like, was a very enjoyable experience, and I'm really glad I was able to read it!

The second thing I really liked in this piece was the way you showed Shear's worry about leaving the dragonets. You said,

“This will be the last time we see each other for a while, little dragonets. If you have any questions, please ask them now, and if you have anything you want to say to me or the other guardians, please don’t hesitate to tell me,” she said almost pleadingly.


This did a really great job showing how much Shear cared about the other dragonets and the type of role she plays in the story. She's almost nurturing in a sense, especially when you look at the speech tag you added. "she said almost pleadingly" is a really beautiful way to show the amount of stress she felt leaving them, so kudos to you for showing her emotions so well.

In general, you did a phenomenal job portraying the characters, and I had a lot of fun reading about them!


Overall, you did a fantastic job on this, and I really enjoyed reading it! The amount of detail you packed in here was lovely, and I look forward to reading more!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




dragonight9 says...


Thanks so much!
I was a bit disappointed when nobody reviewed these chapters and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading. Have a great day!




Ogres are like onions.
— Shrek