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Shadow's Rising Chapter 5 (part 1)

by dragonight9


Chapter 5

Soon after Gale returned, Quake came into the dragonet’s room grumbling to himself. He must have just been in an argument with Surge or Shear because his mind was full of frustration and irritation. He wasn’t thinking of anything specific, so Shadow had no idea what had put him in such a bad mood.

“Come on dragonets, it seems I’m in charge of making sure you clean up the training area today.” He growled.

“But we just cleaned it yesterday!” Gale complained.

“Quiet! I don’t have the patience for your whining right now. Clean it up.”

Gale was about to give a few more reasons why they didn’t need to clean the training arena, but Aurora stepped in.

“Quake?” She asked walking up to him cautiously.

“What?” He growled in annoyance.

“Would it be alright if we cleaned the training area later? Hailstorm, Tempest and I are still recovering from the training with Surge earlier. Can we have a just a bit more time to rest? Please?” She asked, doing what Shadow could only imagine as being puppy dog eyes.

Quake seemed to relax as his anger faded away. Replaced by a pleasant peace. Shadow knew Aurora had that effect sometimes. She was just so kind and gentle. Nobody could stay mad at her for long.

“Ok you can do it later.” He sighed in a far off voice as he left the cave. Aurora sighed in relief as well.

“Thanks Aurora,” Tempest said kindly as she got out of the stream and walked up beside her. Tempest leaned against her slightly while their tails twined around each other.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take. All they care about is that stupid prophecy. We don’t matter to them at all,” Tempest sighed sadly. The safe comfort of Aurora made even the hard heart of Tempest melt as she revealed the true emotions in her heart. “Oh Aurora. I wish we could just be normal dragonets.” She whispered. Almost crying as Shadow felt her heart ready to collapse from the despair and hopelessness she felt.

“I don’t.” Aurora whispered comfortingly.

“If I was a normal tree wing, I would never have met you or Gale or Boulder or Hailstorm. We can make it through this because we’ll always work together no matter what. Besides, Shear isn’t that bad. I know that Quake and Surge don’t like us very much but maybe if we treat them nicely, they won’t be so mad all the time.”

Tempest chuckled sadly. “Don’t ever change Aurora. We could use your optimism.”

I wish you were right about them. If only the guardians were not set on making our lives miserable then maybe your plan would work, you kind little dragon. You’re so nice to everyone and see the best in us all. You just can’t accept that some dragons are just cruel. Tempest thought with a smile as she put a wing over Aurora and pulled her close for a moment.

But the world needs dragons like you. So I’ll protect you from the cruelty of the world for as long as I can. If this world is cruel to us I’ll be cruel right back so you don’t have to. I know someday you will save the world with that kindness of yours. Never loose it Aurora.

Tempest hugged Aurora tighter for a moment and Aurora was glad she was able to comfort Tempest even if only a little.

The dragonets rested for a little while longer before Boulder got up with a groan.

“Come on guys. Lets go clean the arena now before Quake gets mad at us again.”

Gale and Hailstorm both groaned but they joined him.

I know guys. It sucks for me too but it’s better than getting clawed for it later. Boulder thought.

When they arrived at the arena Surge was already there and growled at them when they walked in.

“I thought Quake told you lazy lizards to clean this up! So why is it still as messy as before? Hmm?!”

“Quake said we could rest for a bit longer since we were obviously tired after YOU nearly beat us to death this morning.” Tempest growled back.

Surge’s mind felt even more stormy than usual, and Tempest was only making the clouds darker.

“That…” Surge hissed like a snake about to strike. “…was to teach you a lesson about the real world. You should be grateful to learn that lesson here instead of out there where it could end up getting you and your friends killed!”

Surge took a moment to calm herself slightly before continuing. “Regardless. That doesn’t excuse you from doing your chores. Quake!”

Quake seemed to be back in his terrible mood when he entered the arena.

“Yes?” He asked in an annoyed growl.

“These dragonets seem to think you allowed them to rest when they should have been cleaning the arena.”

Quake looked at them first in annoyance, then confusion.

Wait. Did I? I remember telling them they could do the arena later… but why would I say that? Quake thought.

For some reason the memory felt fuzzy when he tried to recall it. Shadow recognised the feeling. Like a word you can’t remember but still feels as if it’s right on the tip of your tongue. He must have noticed the other dragons were staring at him because his thoughts were interrupted by a feeling of awkwardness.

“Oh, um. Yes. I did tell them that. They have been doing well in their classes lately, so I let them have a little break.” He awkwardly excused before turning to the dragonets. “Make sure you do a good job this time or I won’t let you put it off next time.” He warned.

“Yes sir.” All the dragonets replied with varying levels of sincerity.

Surge left in a huff. She hated it when the dragonets were right about something.

Quake left as well. His mind was still a little fuzzy, but he soon gave up trying to remember and assumed he had simply forgotten his reasoning for letting the dragonets have some extra rest.

Shadow ignored it too. He didn’t really care about the guardians all that much, and they had listened to the requests of the dragonets before, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Besides, no one could hate Aurora and she was so innocent that it was no surprise the guardians agreed to what she asked more often than everyone else. Especially if she really wanted something. She always got what she wanted when she used her puppy dog eyes on them.

Shadow smiled as he imagined her begging Quake to give up some of his prey.

Ha! As if that dragon would let anyone have even a hair from his share of prey. No matter how adorable Aurora is she wouldn’t be able to convince him to do that. Ha, ha. Shadow chuckled to himself.

He imagined how she would look as her puppy dog eyes and pleading expression turned to disappointment. Then he focused back on the dragonets they were cleaning the arena and weren’t thinking about anything really interesting.

“I guess this is as good a time as any to eat and get some more training done.” He muttered to himself.

As he lifted off his thoughts once more turned to the flame wing that was arriving soon. He was giddy with excitement. Soon he’d get to hear the thoughts of a flame wing and who knew how many other dragons.


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Fri Dec 08, 2023 4:38 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello again, my friend!

While I do really like Aurora and Shadow, and would point to them as potential favorites first, Tempest is also growing on me. She's feisty, but her heart is in the right place, like a classic misunderstood hero. Seeing her inner thoughts regarding Aurora's childlike innocence and the cruel reality that there are bad people *and dragons* in the world was such a deep and understandable dialogue that really showed off her character, and it gives readers something to connect with her about.

It's also interesting that Quake was genuinely confused about whether he told the dragonets he could have a break or not, given it was a pretty clear moment and didn't seem that long ago. Perhaps he was influenced? Strange...

And I laughed to myself when Surge had to realize she was wrong, heh ~

There was just one minor spelling error I spotted in the part where Aurora and Tempest are talking to each other, where it says "We can make it though [through] this." Otherwise, everything looked good! Like Shadow, I am excited for more, especially that flame wing visit...

A great filler chapter with brilliant dialogue! Very nice!




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Fri Jul 07, 2023 3:49 am
FluorescentAnt wrote a review...



Hi! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method Today!

I have unfortunately not read the previous chapters, but I think chapter was understandable even without context, which is good!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Overall, this chapter had good descriptions of the situations and the dialogue was lear and made sense. There wasn't too much detail on the setting, but that's fine, since this is in the middle of the story. You also described the characters and their emotions well, and how their personalities are different from each other.

Slightly Burnt Marshamallow - Room for Improvements
This chapter was pretty good, so there weren't a lot of things that I thought you could improve on. Although if there was something that I would change is that you could add a little bit more detail about the dragons' emotions and what exactly they are thinking. But this is not necessary, I only added this because I think there's basically nothing much to improve on in this chapter. At least, that I can see.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Some stuff you did really well were for one, not saying "said." You did a good job of using other verbs instead of that, so it was clear as to how the characters were saying things. You also did a good job of describing what the dragons' expressions were on the outside, and you described what they looked like well.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Well, that's it! Overall, it's a really great chapter, lots of detail in it too. I hope to read more of this series. Happy writing!

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Fri Jun 09, 2023 4:38 pm
Kaia wrote a review...



Greetings to my dragon friend!
Team Tortoise here to give you another review. :)

So, first of all, thanks so much for splitting this chapter into two parts. It's a lot less daunting to read and it won't take so long to review, either. ;) (Last review I did took literally an hour to read and type out, but keep in mind that I'm using a phone which makes this a bit harder, but all the same...Of course, though, I'm always happy to help out a fellow writer. :))

Alright, let's move on. (See, I used the wrong words there. It should have been "all right." I think it's best to ignore my Grammer usage in these reviews especially since somehow my phone randomly decided to capitalize "grammer.)

Anyway...So the conversation between the dragonets continues about whether or not they need to do chores, and my surprise when they win it...or at least get to delay it. Maybe somewhere deep down inside these guardians there is a heart.

I've noticed that Tempest and Aurora are really great friends. While Aurora is still my undying favorite, I notice that Tempest clearly has an empathetic attitude, too. Both are so unhappy with their surroundings, but they try to remain cheerful and helpful. Their relationship mirrors that of Shadow and Jarid. It's like the girl version, lol. I like that. :)

Okay, now its suggestion time. :) I am going to stop pointing out the dialogue comma/period thing because I think you get the point,.and I don't want to keep bothering you about that. Not to fear, I still got more suggestions. :)

Tempest chuckled sadly. “Don’t ever change Aurora. We could use your optimism.”

Use a comma in a direct address, so put a comma after "change." Otherwise it sounds like Tempest is saying to some other party "don't change Aurora" or in other words "don't mess with her." I hope that made sense. ;)

"Never loose it Aurora."

Two things. First, you want the word "lose" here. Loose is when something doesn't fit tightly; it's loose. Secondly, this is a direct address so put a comma after "it" and before the person being addressed. (In this case, Aurora.)

Tempest hugged Aurora tighter for a moment and Aurora was glad she was able to comfort Tempest even if only a little.[\quote]
Here, you need a comma between "moment" and Aurora. When two sentences that could stand completely on their own are joined, use a comma before the conjunction (and, but, or etc.)

Lastly, I loved this part.
"That…” Surge hissed like a snake about to strike. “…was to teach you a lesson about the real world. You should be grateful to learn that lesson here instead of out there where it could end up getting you and your friends killed!”


Prior to this, Surge called the dragonets "lazy lizards" (my favorite insult) and you put up a parallelism between that and the phrase "hissed like a snake about to strike." Now, who really IS the lizard, huh, Surge? Great use of contrast and irony there!!

All right well, that's it! Great job as always, and see yuh in the next one!
-Kaia





If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
— Woodrow Wilson