Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*This story is underneath my folder titled “Bone Boy”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy! (Also, please tell me if I need to give this a higher rating or not, because I’m not sure).*
Sometimes, when small children are happy, a bit of magic happens. Real magic. If they’re so, so indescribably, incredibly joyful that the day to them feels like a summer evening with the pink and orange streaked sunset sky so alive with blooming colors that it feels like it will melt into the ground and the cool breeze swirling and swaying through the leaves of trees, then magic is created from their pure, innocent hearts. It could be a wisp of a sparkle made from positive feelings that looked like the light of a firefly or it could be what the children Theodore, Kelsey, Corey, and Wendy created in the 1800s over the course of days that they would visit each other, play with each other, let their bonds of friendship grow stronger.
What the children had created from the overwhelming ecstatic delight of being one another’s friend were four fairies, one for each of them. Kelsey had created Elsie, Theodore had created Evelyn, Wendy had created Ethan, and Corey had created Evan. The four fairies wore bright colors and had bright hair, like crayons. The four fairies had names that were short and started with the letter E, so that they were cute enough to spark wonder and whimsy in the children and easy enough to pronounce. Like real children, the four fairies were small and mischievous, ready to play with others and cause a bit of shenanigans wherever they went.
The children didn’t know that they created the fairies, but they would one day, when they went out to play in Theodore’s garden. Then, the fairies would appear to the children and offer them food, magic, and a carnival. Yes, the fairies would create a carnival just for them!
And since they were created by the children, they wanted to be best friends with the children, forever. All of them agreed that after all of the excitement died down, after all of the games, they’d tear through their flesh and bones so their spirits would be with them, forever. It’d be messy and maybe the children would cry, but it would be worth it, because they’d all get to play with one another more!
Just like children, the fairies believed wholeheartedly in what they wanted and would stop at nothing to get it, no matter what anybody else thought.
They were going to be the bestest friends of the children that created them, forever and ever and ever!
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey creeperfeverdreams!
The beginning really hooked me in. The depiction of the magical feeling in children's happiness was palpable in the way you described it, and I feel this whimsy was contrasted in such a strong way to the end. The language switch from "pink and orange streaked sunset sky so alive with blooming colors" to "tear through their flesh and bones so their spirits would be with them, forever" is so shocking but the tone change works really well! It reminds me a lot of classic fairy tales with darker, underlying themes.
I think there were a few sentences that could be rephrased to be more digestible. These were mainly in the beginning - like these two:
I think it kind of takes away from the actual content within the sentences because they're so long and hard to process... I would maybe recommend shortening them? I wouldn't say to get rid of the beautiful imagery you have going on, but separating a single sentence in to two could be beneficial here so that the sentence structure is more varied.
Along the same topic, I think it could be worthwhile exploring how this magic actually works? We know that it is "created" by the force of friendship, though the technicality of it is kind of lost amidst this justification. It could be cool to be inserted into a scene in which the fairies come to be - what were the friends doing to "spark" this magic? What did it look/feel like? Etc
Overall, this is a cool idea! I like the fantastical vibes and the concept of each friend having their own fairy, with the darker twist at the end.
Calamity
I am glad you enjoyed and thank you for your suggestions!
Well, that took a dark turn O.o i was thinking for once you may have written something joyful and full of glee, but knowing you we must needs have somw devouring by the end xD i think the vioence is brief enough that the rating is fine, but you could bump it to 16+ just to be on the safe side.
I like your minimalist style as I've said before, but sometimes i think it can hurt you. For instance, "pink and orange streaked sunset sky" is not only a bit cliche, but the way you worded it here makes it a bit muddy and run-on sentence-y to read.
I was a bit confused here. When you say all of them, do tou mean even the children agreed to be eaten? Because that seems like a stretch. Now, i think they could be convinced and bribed because the faeries have shown them the carnival, but this was very abrupt.
But qe didnt really get to see the children fight for what they want no matter what. Perhaps this.wouldve been a chance to show their darker natures and convince us that they would sacrifice themselves through their greed.
It is a good warning about things coming too easy and too nicely to be beneficial, and i like how you always manage to have me feeling just dlightly tensed up because I know something is going to go wrong.
~Messy
So glad you enjoyed! And no, the children had no idea that the faeries would kill them. It was the faeries that agreed with one another, not the children.
Other stories that connect to this:
Bone Boy: Part One
Bone Boy: Part Two
Theodore: Bone Boy
Dolores: Bone Boy
The children: Bone Boy
Evelyn: Bone Boy