*You can look at Jennifer’s Gacha Club designs on my wall.This is about Philippa’s first girlfriend,before Violet came along.Enjoy!
There was a kind young girl named Jennifer.She was fifteen years old and she had deeply cared for her family and friends.
Especially for her girlfriend,Philippa.Philippa's family had their own circus and Philippa had to perform there as a clown.On top of that,she had school to worry about,people who mocked her at the circus to the point where she actually had taken their hateful words to heart,Philippa's parents wanted more from her constantly and it was draining,her older brother,Conrad,was an adult and had his own life,so she couldn't go to him and her sister Lily,who was only three,was too young to understand.
So,Jennifer was around.Jennifer cared about her and loved her,she had wanted her to be happy and to live her life,because it was a wonderful thing.
But this story did not end happily.
When Jennifer was being driven by her mother to spend some time with her at the mall,a car going at an alarming and illegal speed crashed their car,which had killed them both.
Jennifer was now an angel in Heaven,who hoped,more than ever,that Philippa would get on alright without her.
The last thing Jennifer needed was anything horrible happening to Philippa..
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ahhh I have read four of these in a row and all four times you managed to throw us into four completely different world in four completely different styles and I am just loving the range here. It seems like you really have pages upon pages of worldbuilding and honestly I just want to see a full on piece just detailing how many little features you've implemented into this world because there's just so many.
Anyways so here we've got yet another style of story, more similar to perhaps Nova's from what I read earlier but a little more geared towards Jennifer only really being a benevolent force. I really love the way you set up her backstory. Its a little bit on the more cliche style with how Jennifer fall in love with the complications to the parents and all of that, but I like that you showcase a little bit of how they tried to survive it and the death itself being a simple and unfortunate accident makes this a bit more unique.
Overall I love the setup up here as well, and especially how Jennifer appears to remain the lovely person she always was despite her life being robbed of her in that manner and the fact that she only seems to wish happiness on her former girlfriend and nothing more despite everything else that took place.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey vampricone! As I've just reviewed another piece of yours I thought I'd pop over here and give my thoughts on this one too. I definitely think you could have combined the two and separated them out with something like this ***
As they're short, I think people would still give full reviews to both of them.
I like how you have a consistent introduction to the lead character in each piece. I think it would really elevate it if you gave some background to them. It would make them have more depth and also means that the reader cares more about them and what happens to them.
The section about her death comes as a shock, and I think you could describe the event more - you could insert some tension by showing it to the reader as it happens. At the moment, it's very factual but we could really have some emotion in here to make us care more about what's happening.
I'd be interested to see how these all link together now that you've provided so many backstories!
Icy
Hey! Forever here with a review!!
This was a completely known origin story. I did deduce that Jennifer is kind of going to be like this and true from her heart. This story just served as a confirmation though of her trueness.
Okay there are a few things which I would like to point out. First of all, we clearly see that Jennifer cared a lot for Philippa. Then why did she not do anything to lessen the pain caused to Philippa by her friends and parents? Like she could at least request them not to make her suffer like that, could she not?
I don't know but I really really think we need a bit of past. Like how she met Philippa at the first place? What was her first impression of Philippa? These small details actually conttibute to the story and are very relevant to an origin story. Also, I would like to see a bit of justice here. What happened to the people who crashed into their car? Did they also die? An angel, being a messenger of God should give justice to all the human beings of the World.
Hm... Jennifer is seriously going to be hurt at the news of Philippa"s death. I wondee what she is going to do after it. Will she by any way teach a bit of lesson to Violet? Perhaps. Oh yes, there were a few tense shifts where you changed from past to present. Please fix that.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever