Five short stories of the broken-hearted (Clowns, magic, murder, and lies)

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed this work has been in the Green Room a while so I thought I'd review it to bump it out!

I think this piece might be one of my favorites out of the ones I've read of yours! Admittedly I haven't read many in a while, but I can tell you've really grown as a writer since joining the site. You did the little vignette style so well. Even though I've not read anything else in this particular storyline of yours, I felt like I was able to drop into the story without much confusion. I felt like I could even pick up some of the continuing threads through this story even with this being my first introduction to these characters.

I loved your pacing; with shorter stories like this it can be hard to get that exactly right, but by keeping it short, I think you eliminated a lot of fluff that can clog up the piece. Because it was vague and simple, I think that made it more effective, so nice work with that!

I will say I think your title is a bit of a misnomer; I'm not sure any of these vignettes were complete stories. I think you could honest just refer to the whole thing as one whole story, particularly because it started and ended the way it did. The overall arc was very nice, and I don't think it would feel complete if you took one of the "stories" out (and vice versa; I don't think one of the vignettes functions as a complete story by itself). So it's just a bit of an unconventionally structured story, but one that works really well!

Specifics

Not when he was at their funeral. When there were people festering around.

I'm not sure "festering" is the right word to use here. I'd love to hear what you meant with this line!

One day, at the circus tent, they all brought real guns that shot real bullets and committed mass suicide in front of an audience of five hundred children. The carnival promptly closed down and nobody spoke of it since.

This felt like a very abrupt tone shift. While I did like the repetition of "real" in "real guns that shot real bullets," I feel like I expected something a bit more clown-ish. I feel like that's a moment to be really shocking and creative, so if you revisit this piece, I think that's a part you could rework/reimagine to be even more hard-hitting.

Overall: nice work! I liked the way this was structured a lot, and I enjoyed reading it! Until next time!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: THis was quite the collection again. Another couple of pretty powerful longer pieces there dotted in by of course another set of really punchy shorter ones except this time we had a bit of a different vibe to it too there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Why are you dressed like a clown?” Sophia asked, knitting her brows. If that was some prank Reagan was pulling, it was not funny.

“That’s the thing. I’m not dressed like a clown.” Reagan said.

She wasn’t one to make jokes and the nervousness in her eyes told Sophia that this was no trick.

“Then why do you look like that?”

“You heard of the clown curse, right?” Reagan asked.

Oooh well that' quite the start here. Looks like we're getting started with a classic clown situation and this one seems to be a bit scary than the usual from the way it seems like its such a casual acceptance there. Let's see where this is going here.

Sophia, just like everyone in Logansville, knew of the clown curse. The legend went that if people went to the abandoned carnival, they would lose their minds and become clown demons. Then, they would find friends and loved ones and lead them to the carnival, continuing the curse.

Sophia was afraid of the legend when she was little, then she wasn’t afraid anymore, then she forgot about it altogether, but now?

Now it was staring at her right in the face.

“The curse got to you?”

Oooh well that certainly confirms the whole curse theory but hmm the way that we just have the person and a loved one have to just sort of slowly accept it makes the whole thing I think far more terrifying than if there was just a clown that suddenly started attacking things.

Reagan nodded.

“I don’t know how much longer I have, but if you run into me again or any other clowns, run. Run as fast as you can. There are a lot of clowns out tonight.”

Before Sophia could ask anything more, Reagan ran off into the vast darkness.

Sophia rushed into the school, Reagan’s words ringing in her mind. She wanted to get out for fresh air.

She had to get away from the clowns lurking in the shadows.

Well that's quite the ending there although to be fair it is the smartest move she probably could've pulled there, just running away from everything to try and get away from all the scary clowns. A fitting end I think although a bit surprising.

The lights of Jeremy’s life, gone. The biggest reasons for him to be happy, gone.

Jenna, his wife, gone.

Jennifer, his daughter, gone.

All gone. In the blink of an eye, a car crash took their life. As though they meant nothing to the universe…as though their kindness meant nothing.

Jeremy held back his tears. He couldn’t cry, not then. Not when he was at their funeral. When there were people festering around.

Only when he got home would it be safe to cry.

Well that's quite a powerful little snippet. These really short stories of yours tend to be the one that really hit you the hardest and this one is hardly any different here with how it just showcases someone going through some really tough times and having also to just hold all that pain in there.

Violet rubbed the blood off her hands as she walked out of the carnival.

They were human, then demons, and finally, clowns. They went through the right transformation.

They had a taste of being slightly human, before losing it completely.

Unlike her.

No. That life was over.

Hmm that's an interesting one. Usually these shorter ones are a bit more of a punch whereas this one is more of like a haunting echo of a horrible thing that has already gone by. ITs an interesting version there and I think it's no less effective than the other similar short stories at leaving a lasting image.

Philippa snaked her hand through the fading wallpaper. She was the only Morison left. She hadn’t stepped foot out of her house since her death.

She couldn’t leave if she tried, but part of her wanted to stay.

What Philippa knew was that from 1993 to 2013, the world had changed. She wouldn’t dare go outside. She didn’t want to see the new world. She didn’t want the children to see her.

There was a family who lived in the house. A happy family, a smiling family. They would leave soon, once they noticed her. They would leave and Philippa would be all alone with her dying house.

It was inevitable.

Oooh it seems we're definitely just going heavily on the shorter impactful stories for this particular collection as we have yet another one. This one's even more powerful here. Connecting back to a few stories I've seen earlier it seems like an alternative sort of version of that whole dying scene and well remembering exactly how she died definitely makes this scene just that bit more powerful here.

Sophia stood in front of the rotting gates of the carnival. If the legends were true, then Reagan was there.

She took a deep breath and pushed the gates open.

Sophia remembered when people tried to restore the carnival, to make it look nice, like how it used to look before it lost business. They became stressed, increasingly and frightfully stressed. They quit restoring the carnival.

Before, what she knew about the carnival was very little, but standing in the ruins of what once brought happiness, a peculiar thing was happening…

Hmm well it seems we're back with that duo. Perhaps we're going to see a little more of what happened after that cliffhanger that we witnessed a bit earlier. It certainly seems like something different is about to go down here. Let's see what happens.

She was beginning to remember.

Back when it was the 1950s, everyone loved the clowns. They were the biggest attraction, the main source of entertainment.

But the clowns worked so hard and had gotten paid so little. Many of them lost joy with their lives.

One day, at the circus tent, they all brought real guns that shot real bullets and committed mass suicide in front of an audience of five hundred children. The carnival promptly closed down and nobody spoke of it since.

Sophia stopped walking. She blinked her eyes.

Well that is certainly a terrifying and scarring scene there. Definitely seems like the sort of thing that can haunt one especially when visiting a place like this. Sophia is definitely going through some pretty harsh times there. Let's see what more is going to happen here.

No one ever taught her that. It just…came to her. As natural as walking, it came to her.

The clowns possessed anyone who entered, turning the person into a clown and stealing their memories, in an effort to make others understand their pain.

It all was all starting to make sense. It all fit.

There was nothing she could do to save Reagan.

A thunderclap of gunshots boomed around the carnival. The air was alive with screaming and crying. Sophia covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. She sank to the ground.

Well it looks like she's trying to do something about all the horrors but they are certainly quite strong especially in a location like this one and it seems she's having quite a bit more trouble here than what she maybe anticipated before setting out on this.

The noise only got louder. There was a stabbing, throbbing pain in her chest. Even if she could get up, she didn’t want to get up. She was drowning in a sea of sorrows.

Maybe there was time. Maybe Reagan could be free. Maybe everyone could be free. If she stayed, she could absorb all the horrors and give everyone their lives back. She could save everyone.

That was it. That was what she would do. She would stay and give the clowns every bit of her energy, till they were all free and the only clown left was her. It was the right thing to do, after all. She would hide away once she became a clown. She wouldn’t go crazy, because she was voluntarily giving herself up. Only those who were unwilling and unsuspecting turned into nothing but monsters…right?

Faintly, just faintly, she could hear the screams of the clowns, hidden as if they wanted to scream for a long, long time.

Oooh well that's a powerful ending to that one. She seems to just weather all the horrors that are being rapidly thrown at her and we have a bit of a letting herself be given over kind of situation being used in her attempt to save her friend. Its quite the message there to end on I think. The story really going deep at showing how much she cares and how far she's willing to go there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a pretty powerful collection once again, this time with a few stories hitting some notes I haven't seen these hit before. It definitely makes for quite an interesting time I think. And I'm loving see how most of these connect to several of the others as well, it definitely makes them even more powerful that way.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate