*This story is underneath my folder titled “Clowns, magic, murder, and lies”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Penelope and John walked to “Avelina’s fine dining” together, with a purpose.
It was the place where they had their first proper date as adults. When they were teens, they went to the carnival, but no one had fixed the carnival up for years.
So it was Avelina’s they had to go to, to mend the patches, to make their love shine and glimmer just like it did years and years ago.
Hopefully everything would be alright.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi, FeverDreams! Purple here to do some reviewing, and hoping we can help improve eachother’s work here, haha. Okay, so I found this one after curiously checking the “Oldest” works, and from it, I understand now that I’m probably missing a lot of context here, but this piece deserves a review regardless. This specifically reminds me of these challenges we used to have in some of my writing classes, to tell the shortest story you can, and it was, essentially, an experiment to figure out what to focus on, what was most important in building narratives, all that. Here, I don’t know who Penelope and John are, I don’t know what this diner means to them, but I’m glad they were able to reconcile. That was sweet.
Hello @creeperfeverdreams Detective Ira here, I have apparently stumbled upon your manuscript while searching for clues in the Devil’s Library, which is where I believe the ancient magical book of Toramu is hidden. Since I’m already here, I shall give my opinion on this piece of yours.
Though I have to say it is very strange that I should find your writing here……. hmmm…..
What I can see
Well this is again very interesting! Some lovely foreshadowing here I see you've dropped subtle hints that show that not everything is alright, like
and
which does intrigue me as a reader, so well done there!
Under the magnifying glass
I've noticed a lot of these works of yours are very small, this one for example is barely a paragraph, and can work as an opening to a chapter or even a prologue so I would recommend combining several such short pieces (all relating to the same work of course) into one! I do thing that would help a lot.
Closing the case
It was lovely going through this manuscript of yours. Everything expressed was my opinion, feel free to accept or reject whatever you want.
If you have any clues relating to the book of Toramu or anything you want to clarify feel free to contact my
alias, ahem, my dear friend @canopy. She has also asked me to wish you a "Happy Review Day!" - I am working on the assumption that you are aware of what that means.Until next time!!
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Complete Sherlock Holmes: Volume II
I have a lot of stories under the folder I listed in this story that may help you connect it better, so if you have time and are interested, you may read them all. However, I think I may have to put it together at some point to make things easier.
I am glad you enjoyed!