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Alright so i just read through the ending again and I have to say I like this version as much as I did the last one ^_^ they are both realistic, but I can see how this new one would work better if you wanted Eden to stay. So that's all I had to say! It's great!!
Alright, I’m doing this a bit out of order. I accidentally forgot to save chap 6 part two so I’m going onto this after I’ve reviewed chap 6 p 1 x)
This chapter was totally awesome!!! I loved every bit of it!! It was all about the characters. I can’t even really explain it, but your characters just felt more real than ever in this O_O The whole point of their journey is amazing, I love the idea of them taking such a long and dangerous road just to see the statue, which was always meant to be a symbol of hope. It’s just perfect.
I absolutely loved everything about your characters in this. Violet’s relationship with Louis is different than hers with Eden. Obviously, Louis’s attitude is very different towards Eden than it is with Violet. I love the way you showed these differences in this chapter. Every one of your characters has great chemistry with the others, but they are also very unique. I get the feeling more than ever of all the work you put into their personalities.
The way that you slowed things down really helped. There wasn’t heavy description or intense action scenes, but to me this was my favorite chapter so far. The pace was awesome.
Usually, the scenes where the characters go ‘yeah, my past was horrible and I’m still suffering now’ aren’t very effective on me, but for some reason the way Louis and Eden talked about it had me nearly tearing up. However, I think this may be because I remembered that one chapter you wrote about Louis and Ira’s childhood (the one that this version doesn’t have). It just felt like a great moment was happening there. Like, all of a sudden, Eden’s great burden becomes visible, and that is enough of a shock. The vulnerable side of her was wonderful and felt real. Then, we have Louis making a huge moment of his own. He finally decides to take a leap of faith and comfort Eden. It’s adorable and heartwarming. Then, on top of all this, Eden leans up and kisses Louis, which is totally understandable. I can believe that she had been developing feelings this whole time, and that she was just feeling desperate to be comforted by him.
Of course he wouldn’t respond to the kiss, because we all know that Louis doesn’t have any feelings for her (that he’s aware of yet
Anyways, that’s just how I put things together
Hope this was helpful!!
All in all, I think this was a great chapter! I’m glad that you let Ira and Vanessa’s characters show in the beginning. I’m always eager to read more about your supporting characters!
The scene of them trying to escape from Ira and his dogs was truly intense, I had a great picture of it in my mind and it felt like a scene from a movie. I honestly didn’t know what was going to happen, so I was on the edge of my seat. I’m wondering where Vanessa went, though. I assume she’s not a fighter like the rest of them, but she had to have been nearby, and must’ve recognized Zayn. Oh, and I did love all the extra tension you created with the two brothers, even though they didn’t come in contact with each other. it brings a whole new dimension to the fight because you know that both of them are involved in it.
I’m really interested about this new wolf pack! Again, you make things much more interesting and complex, because these are the same wolves that took Eden’s humanity. And now because of Louis, they have to tag along. If I was Eden, having them nearby would be absolute torment. I’m curious to see how she handles it. I do like Eden’s character, she seems the most realistic and least dramatic of all your characters. I guess that’s why I don’t always like to see her thrown into the complicated relationship with Louis, but that’s just me!
For the most part your words flowed very smoothly. I know I made a few notes and corrections in the beginning but those were all just suggestions.
Onto chap 11! Woot woot.