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Eden


Louis pressed a cool cloth to the hollow of the woman’s neck, looking up at Violet the same instant to make sure that she was still sleeping only to find she was still awake, watching with wide eyes. He could not blame her for feeling so restless, the smell of blood permeated the entire trailer and the air surrounding it outside. But she knew she had to hold herself back for Louis, if for nobody else.
‘You’re being so strong, Vi,’ he said softly, bandaging the woman’s right arm, ‘I’m very proud of you being so patient. You‘re such a good girl.’
A slight smile flickered across her lips, and then she looked away, trying to distract herself.
Louis laid the woman’s arm down and placed the cloth back on her brow.
It had been two days since he had saved her and not once had she woke or even stirred in her sleep.
Sleep. If only it could be called such a thing. No, it was not sleep, but rather a comatose state of shock in which her body was attempting to escape the burn of the flames that engulfed her entire being. She was undergoing the most painful part of the transformation now. The stage where her own little monster began to fuse itself with her being.
'Is she going to die?’ Violet asked, facing the wall.
'No, Vi, she won’t die,’ he replied, tearing another strip of fabric from his shirt.
'She looks like she will,’ Vi remarked, setting her bear in her lap, 'How do you know she won’t?’ new paragraph 'Because that just isn’t how it works,’ he replied, 'Like humans who are turned into Vampires after a Vampire bites them. It’s the same way with Wolves... She’s changing.’
‘Changing?’ she repeated.
'Yeah...’ he said, nodding.
'Did you change like that?’ she asked.
He bit his lip, 'Yeah, almost... Only I was alone.’
'It looks scary...’ she remarked.
'It’s very scary,’ he whispered.
She was quiet again, and Louis began to wrap up the woman’s shoulder.
She caught her breath at his touch. He licked his lips and dipped the cloth in the warm water again, wringing it out and then dabbing it around the edges of a deep scratch on her face. She was painfully sensitive to everything it seemed.
Her eyes flickered open, and he saw yellow now mottled her once clear green irises. Her pupils were dilated to full onyx circles, leaving only a thin ring of the color.
They fell upon him, but only for a moment she stared unblinkingly.
He pressed his lips together, feeling exposed under her gaze. He was relieved when she closed her eyes again.
'I'm sorry,' he whispered, 'That you have to go through this. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.'
He picked up her hand and turned it over, palm down, so that he could see if there was any way to identify her. The top of her hand had been burned and was heavily scarred. Greenish black swirled the garbled skin, the only remnants left of her tattoos.
This, he only saw in slaves. He remembered "removing" the identity tattoos of a dozen people using a hot piece of iron to burn off their names and place of origin. After all, slaves had no right to such luxuries as a name or a home.
If she had been a slave, there would be some way of knowing. He turned her head over to[space]the right, exposing her left ear. There was a nail in her lobe, bent around in a loop so that it could not be removed. She was a slave.
Underworlders prized human slaves, whoever owned her would be looking for her, if they had already come after her. He remembered the Wolves that had attacked her.
He jumped a little when Violet stirred on her pallet by the fire. His gaze lingered on her protectively for a brief moment before he returned his attention to the woman.
Her eyes fluttered open again, falling upon him.
'You...' she breathed, 'I know you.'
Louis swallowed, unsure of what to say. She shuddered, her mottled eyes closing again.
He picked up a bowl of water and held the rim to her lips as he carefully raised her head, 'A lot of people know me...'
She drank only a swallow, and then he allowed her to lay back down.
'Can I ask your name?' he whispered.
'Vixen,' she said softly, shuddering.
'You're safe with me, Vixen,' he told her, 'Get some rest.'
'Your name is Louis?' she asked.
He nodded, 'Yes...'
She nodded, 'I know you...'
He was quiet.
'I was there...' she said.
He felt his blood run cold, 'Where...?'
'When he betrayed you,' she replied, her face twisting with pain again, 'Ira... Your brother.'
He blinked, licking his lips, not wanting to remember the memories that flooded his mind.
'I'd rather not talk about that,' he said softly, feeling fresh pain radiating from an old wound reopened.
'I'm sorry,' she whispered.
'It's not your fault,' he whispered, standing up, 'Besides... It was a long time ago.'
He felt suddenly vulnerable. She knew the truth of what had happened, not the lie he spread to protect his enemies. She knew.
He looked at her, and saw that she was unconscious again. Relieved, he laid down next to Violet, and closed his eyes seeking sleep and peace. But all that he found were unrest and memories, haunting memories...

... His hands and feet had been bound, his head throbbed painfully. He could feel warmth spreading down his side. Blood from a wound.
Louis tried to move, hetried to cry out but something kept him from doing so. He could not even voice his pain or fear in a low groan.
The howling lessened, and he was aware of voices. When he heard Ira's voice was among them his blood ran cold and his heart skipped.
Suddenly, he knew what was happening. His heart began to beat rapidly. But after awhile all was replaced by a hot, boiling anger and hatred.
'... This way we both get what we want,' Ira was saying, 'You get revenge, and my assurance that from now on your pack is under Eradicator protection. And I get power.'
A voice snorted in response, 'How do I know you won't stab me in the back? After all, you'd do it to your own brother.'
'Stay out of my way and you won't have any reason to worry,' Ira replied.
He could see the dark forms of the wolves and the lone figure of his brother in the lightless building. A cold sweat broke out on his skin, mixing with the blood that trickled from a wound on his brow. Two slaves were standing by the entrance.
A hand snatched Louis off the ground and hauled him to his feet. His knees buckled beneath him twice before he could finally stand, and even then he had to lean against his brother.
He saw a dozen pairs of yellow eyes glowing in the dark, fixed hungrily on him. The howls became vicious snarls.
'Sorry it had to be this way, Louie,' Ira whispered, 'But it's about time you stepped aside.'
Louis was helpless against the shove that Ira gave him into the wolves. His face and its shadowed features were the last thing he remembered seeing before the wolves ascended... is ascended the right word? To me, it sounds like they are floating up x) Whenever I hear ascend I automatically think angels. Personally, I would change it to ‘…the last thing he remembered seeing before the wolves were upon him.’


Louis awoke gasping for breath, his skin and clothes soaked in a cold sweat. His heart beat thunderously in his chest as he struggled to regain his breath. He sagged against the wall of the trailer, running a trembling hand over his face. you start a lot of sentences with ‘he’. Change this one to ‘Running a trembling hand over this face, he sagged against the wall of the trailer.’
Suddenly he was aware that the fire had gone out, and Violet was sitting up in the dark. She was watching him tearfully.
'You were screaming...’ she whispered, 'I thought you were hurting...’ neither of these phrases need ellipses. Delete ‘em!
He saw that she was trembling all over with fear not for herself but for him. She was worried.
He picked up her hand and drew her close as he covered her with her blanket, 'It was only a dream... I’m alright.’
She sniffled and rested her head on his chest with a slight shudder. He swallowed and began humming softly to her, stroking her hair absentmindedly. Still, he could not push away those haunting memories. They plagued him until all he could see was his younger brother’s face and all he could feel was a burning hatred for him. After so long of suppressing all of these emotions why did they chose to resurface now?
While holding Violet close comma he added a piece of wood to the fire, thankful that it took to the flame without much difficulty. The flames brightened the dark interior of the trailer, casting wavering shadows along the walls as the fire flickered and snapped.
He looked over at where Vixen had been laying. His heart skipped a beat and a half when he saw she was gone. He stood to his feet, and put Violet back on her pallet, whispering, 'Shh...'
He straightened his back, and turned around when he heard scuffling behind him.
'Louie, what is-’ Violet began.
'Quiet...’ he whispered, peering outside.
He froze when he heard a scuffling sound behind him.
Licking his lips, he slowly looked over his shoulder.
Vixen was crouched just behind Violet, her yellow eyes dilated, and gleaming with blood thirst and wild-fire one word wildfire. They were fixed hungrily on Violet, her prey.
Louis went rigid, every fiber of his being screaming to snatch Violet out of her reach. But at that moment all he could do was watch Vixen. What held him back, he could not say. Perhaps it was some ignorant hope that Vixen could hold herself back without his help. But then that hope was lost the instant she shifted in her crouch, prepared to lunge forward, jaws open and claws ready to shred flesh.
'Don't do it,' he heard himself snarl at Vixen. He sounded horrifying, even in his own ears, 'Don't you touch her!'
Violet turned around and looked, just then realizing that she was the target.
Vixen looked up at him. Though he eyes were challenging and her body poised to make her move the moment she saw an opening in his stance, she took a step back look at this sentence again. She was trembling.
He moved in front of Violet the same moment Vixen backed away, his gaze never leaving the she-Wolf.
Her lips quivered as they drew away from her teeth in a snarl, and a tear fell from her eye.
She let out a blood curdling scream and lunged around him in desperation for Violet, driven by an insatiable hunger for the flesh and blood of young vampire, the ultimate prize. Violet screamed and covered her eyes.
Louis caught her by the hair and threw her into the wall. She clawed at his arms and face, screaming and yowling. He held her by her throat with one hand and caught both her hands with the other.
'Stop it!' he shouted over her and Violet both, 'Stop!'
She growled a last time at him before she finally stilled. It was absolutely silent.
She was panting, shaking all over. The feral rage in her eyes remained, as did the taut line that her mouth had drawn into.
His gaze was relentless, like an all-consuming flame had been ignited within his eyes. His mouth had a firm set to it, his brow was furrowed and a muscle in his jaw knotted.
'Louie!’ Violet whimpered.
Louis never glanced her way though every part of him longed to.
Vixen’s features suddenly wavered and softened. A half-sob, half-cry choked out of her throat and she went limp in his grasp. He allowed her to crumple to the floor and stepped back, picking up Violet as he did so.
'What's happening to me?' Vixen sobbed, covering her head with her arms. She screamed again, rolling sporadically onto her back, arching as she screamed again.
Louis watched her, with eyes now that reflected his sympathy for her. But he turned away from her, and went to sit by the fire with Violet, checking over her for bites out of paranoia.

'Were you scared?' Vixen asked.
Louis pressed his lips together. She had been quiet all night, and had not spoken anything at all that day. All she had done was lay on the floor of the trailer and watch him in silence. Suddenly after all that time she wanted to know his experience when changing. Though it was nothing he wanted to discuss so freely, he saw no point in lying to her. He swallowed and nodded, 'Terrified...' delete the ellipses here, they are not helping you
He flinched a little when she brushed her fingertips along his cheek.
'What happened?' she asked.
He looked at her and then at his hands, and then at Violet in his lap.
'After Ira threw me to the Wolves I can't remember much...comma' he replied, 'I remember him...HERE is an effective place for an ellipse, lol. They are only supposed to be used when a sentence trails off. You have a habit of using them for dramatic pause. ' He shook his head unable to go on.
For the first time in a long time, he felt tears sting his eyes.
'... I don't remember much else...' he said softly, 'After that I remember pain... So much pain... Wanting to die. Screaming for nobody to hear... And then waking up... Alone.'
She swallowed, 'That must have been such a nightmare.'
“I don’t remember much else,” he mumbled. “After that I remember pain…wanting to die. Screaming, with nobody to hear. And then waking up, alone.”
Re-write it how you want, but those darn ellipses are really getting in your way.
'I knew I had it coming though,' he whispered, 'After the raid against Detroit I noticed he was acting strange... None of my men looked at me the same... At the time I didn't understand but now I look back and I can see it.'
He pressed his lips together, 'Every part of me believes I deserved it.'
'Nobody deserves that,' she whispered, 'To be betrayed by their own brother...'
'I do,' he argued, 'After all the pain I've caused...' He shook his head, swallowing, 'The pleasure I found in it. I deserve everything that has happened to me. Except Violet.'
She looked at him, leaning back against the wall of the trailer, 'You're different now. I can tell.'
He looked at her, his brow furrowed and his amber eyes lit with a strange, frightening mixture of self hatred, regret, pain, and anger.
'I'm a fucking monster,' he whispered, his lip snarling over his teeth.
She was quiet.
'Is that all we are?' she asked, 'Fucking monsters?'
He looked at her, seeing the pain and the fear in her eyes.
'If that's all I have to look forward to,' she whispered, 'Then I don't want to be...'
He looked away, 'I was a monster before I ever became one.'
She nodded.
'Can I ask you something?' he asked.
She looked at him expectantly.
'Why do they call you Vixen?' he asked.
'After my tribe was slaughtered by a gang called the Renegades,' she began, 'They took a few of us girls, including me and my twin sister, with them and gave us all pet names and tattooed them on our hands... Pierced our ears...' She pressed her lips together, her eyes filling up with tears at some horrid memory, 'Mine was "Vixen".'
'Why do you still go by the name?' he asked.
'It's a habit,' she replied, 'Once I didn't answer to it when he called me... He made sure I never forgot it...'
He swallowed, 'Can I ask your real name?'
'Eden,' she replied.
'I like that one better,' he said softly.
'So do I,' she whispered, leaning against him.
He looked down at the top of her head, tensing at her touch on his skin. After awhile she had drifted back to sleep and he relaxed a little. Violet yawned and sagged against his chest, her eyes heavy with sleep. Louis stared into the fire, wide awake.
Eden. Violet. The longer they sat there together the more "right" it felt to him. It was as though he was waking from a nightmare to a sweet dream.

I just had to come back for more XD

Her features were sharp and cat-like, her eyes cunning and intelligent. Her hair, white as a lamb's fleece, was cropped short save a single braid entwined with ribbons of blue and silver. Intricate markings of blue criss-crossed her golden skin.

There was a necklace about her neck.
A dragon crafted from onyx clung to another of diamond. Between them they held a ruby stone.

I know you did... You have sacrificed yourself for the safety of me and the rest of our world...'

'It's all over now,' he sighed, relieved,'We do not have to worry any more... It is just you and me for the rest of eternity...'
Her eyes became suddenly stricken with grief. She shook her head,'No... It is far from over...'
'We are dead,' he said, confused,'How can it not be over for us?'
'We are not dead,' she said softly.

Zayn stood amid the Dark, trembling all over.

A hulking figure rose out of the shadow, eyes glowing amethyst.
Zayn's amethyst eyes flashed

I loved it, plain and simple. From the begining you had the reader falling in love whith Zayn, but i had honestly assumed he was part of a prologe and he was going to sacrefice himself for his cause. I also like how even by saving him, you give the reader another chance to see the recage of their world.

The only ishue I really had was, and maybe I wasn't reading close enough, but I never realized that he was hanging fron the cieling. Was that included in the 1st part? Again I may have miss read and if I did please ignore that. But really other than that I couldn't spot anything.

By the way thanks so much for telling me you updated.