Deleted

...Zayn shuddered when he awoke, and inhaled a sharp breath of cold air. It stabbed into his lungs like a thousand knives all at once, throwing him into a fit of violent coughs. He grimaced when he tasted blood on his tongue and then allowed his body to go lax with utter weakness. Gulping, he opened his eyes cautiously, relieved to find himself in darkness again. It was the only refuge he had left, the shadow. I don’t get the meaning of this last line. How was the shadow his refuge?
He rested his chin on his chest with a wavering breath.
'She made you weak,' said a voice in the dark.
Zayn’s eyes popped wide open and he looked down to find a pair of amethyst eyes narrowed at him through the haze of Darkness. His lip curled over his fangs as he hissed, 'Ashe...’
'Before you met her, you were fearless,' Ashe went on, 'You were strong. You were violent. You were ruthless... You wanted to rule the World and you had everything that was required to do so. Now look at you. Alone. Defeated.'
'We both know why that is,' Zayn growled.
'Because of her,' Ashe snorted.
'I made the choice for the good of the World,' Zayn whispered, 'Nothing else.'
'And where has that gotten you?' Ashe asked.
'Leave me alone,' Zayn whispered.
Ashe gave a low, sinister chuckle and stepped forward, ‘How much longer are you going to keep up this little facade of yours?’
Zayn was silent.
‘We both know what you are truly capable of,’ Ashe added, ‘Even these Bastards are entirely unaware of your true nature.’
'I don’t need your help...’ Zayn growled though his teeth.
‘You haven’t changed at all...’ Ashe remarked, dissipating into shadow and then manifesting again, holding onto the chains that bound Zayn, ‘Such a stubborn fool... But I wonder...?’
He held onto the chain as he leaned forward so that he was upside down, face to face with Zayn, ‘Would you be so stubborn if you could see your little love now?’
Zayn’s eyes flashed with violence as he met Ashe’s gaze.
Ashe held out a necklace. A silver chain was rapped around his clawed hand, glittering on his knuckles. From the chain hung a diamond as larger than something wrong here Ashe’s fist, fashioned into the shape of a dragon with spread wings, the chain connected to a flame spouting from the dragon’s mouth.
Zayn stared at it for a moment, growing pale. His gaze flickered to Ashe again.
‘There it is...’ Ashe breathed, grinning with a low chuckle, ‘Just as I suspected. It lives in you still.’
Zayn was trembling all over, his slit pupils dilating. He looked at Ashe with quiet rage, ‘Where is she?’
‘Unless you open that Door you will never know,’ Ashe replied, ‘And the only way for you to do that, friend, is to stop playing this little game of yours and open that damn Door.’ this dialogue didn’t sound right ‘Unless you open the door you will never know, and the only way for you to do that is to open the door.’ is what you’re saying, and it doesn’t make sense.
‘I can’t do that!’ Zayn shouted.
Ashe slapped him with the back of his hand and then caught his head by his hair, ‘If I ever hear those words from you again I swear I’ll kill you myself!’
He allowed himself to drop to the floor again, landing lithely on his feet, ‘You think you’re protecting them, and her. But you’re killing the rest in the process. You think dying here will make any difference for her? She’ll die if you do, that’s how it works between mates, remember?’
‘I have not forgotten...’ Zayn muttered.
Ashe snorted, ‘Are you really so willing to take her down with you? Not to mention, myself as well?’
‘If our death deaths mean means life for our World,’ Zayn whispered, ‘Then yes.’
‘They will find that Door,’ Ashe whispered, ‘And whether or not you’re alive, They will use you to open it. And if you’re dead, then who will stop Them?
Zayn lowered his gaze.
‘You want to be a matyr for nothing more than a little time,’ Ashe whispered, 'And Time is something that you waste while you continue in this little charade of yours... Which is why I came here.’
'To criticize me?’ Zayn growled.
Ashe snapped his fingers and the chains holding Zayn off the ground shattered like glass to a high note. Zayn dropped to the floor, cracking his head against the cold stone. He groaned, pain lancing through his entire body. The necklace clattered to the ground before him, and he looked up at Ashe.
'To wake you up,’ Ashe said, stepping back, 'Now get on your feet and get out of here before they realize you’re loose. I don’t want to regret this.’
Zayn swallowed, crawling shakily to his hands and knees, 'Why?’
'Don’t expect our next meeting to be so friendly...’ Ashe replied without any acknowledgment for Zayn’s question, 'You and I still have unfinished business.’ With that, he burst into shadow.

Ira walked ahead of the company, his eyes analyzing the bleak streets of the old city of San Diego from his place on the Coronado Bridge. He could see the boats still docked at various ports along the shoreline, and beyond the beach the forest of shattered skyscrapers, the broken pains of glass shimmering in the eternal twilight glow radiating from the sphere of light above.
The sounds of the wheels grinding on the ice, boots tramping on the ice, carts rattling and creaking under the weight of their load mixed together in a familiar cacophony. Ira had grown up to that sound. Travel across the wasteland back then, however had been much more of a struggle. Attacks on their caravans were made often by Wolves and Vampires and other Underworlders. Until five years before, things were taking a turn for the worst for the Eradicators. But then, he gained control and broke them down until they were like dust under the foundation of his empire.
They reached the beach on the other side of the bridge, the sand dulling the ricketing is this a word? And another thing, how can there be a beach next to an area that is blanketed by ice? There could be a shore, but it would have ice and not snow. wheels of the carts and the footsteps of the men. Further up the beach were a man and a woman shivering in the cold. The man was trying to break through the ground below the layer of sand and ice with a rusty pickaxe, but to no avail.
Vanessa, who walked at Ira's side, looked on with sympathy in her eyes when she saw the woman held the small body of a child, no older than eight years of age.
Sobbing reached their ears the closer they came to the couple. Everything in Ira longed to turn the other way, but this was the only road for miles, and the bears would not be able to get the heavy carts through the unforgiving wasteland.
'Oh, Ira...' Vanessa breathed, reaching for his hand.
'Just keep walking,' he muttered.
She bit her lip and then whispered, 'They need our help...'
'Vanessa, no,' Ira grunted, 'After this you're not coming on another expedition.'
She looked at him.
'You’re too soft,’ he added.
She swallowed and looked away from the couple, trying to put away the images of their emaciated bodies and hollow faces.
Ira gave her a sidelong glance and shook his head at her. She was too kind, too soft-hearted. She made him sick with her acts of compassion. But that was what drew him closer to her every day.
Once the couple was out of sight, Ira breathed in relief. a relieved breath. But Vanessa was quiet, which only drove him into a wall of guilt. She never failed to make him feel like a monster. But that was what he was and she would have to learn to live with that.
They trekked further up the beach in silence until they reached the highway again and entered the quiet city. Ira felt his skin crawl. He had been here before; normally it was alive with scavengers and traveling merchants trying to sell their wares on the sides of the streets. But now it was completely silent, completely lifeless.
The bears pulling the carts walked with their heads lowered and every step forward that they took was hesitant. The dogs were growling fiercely in their cages, their hackles cresting on their shoulders and backs, yet their tails were tucked between their legs and in between their snarls a few of them whimpered and whined. Something was making them nervous.
Ira paused mid-step, scanning the street ahead and the buildings above with narrowed eyes. The rest of the company paused as well. The dead silence was becoming heavier and heavier the longer they stood there. The hair on the back of Ira’s neck was standing on end.
‘Let’s go,’ Ira said, waving toward the East, the way home.
The men wasted no time at all to begin moving away from this place. But the moment they began to move away, the earth trembled violently. Icicles hanging onto the roofs of the buildings shattered to the ground, while the ice covering the ground began to crack open. Before long, one building after another began to collapse, sending debris flying in every direction. I don’t think this is being entirely realistic. It would take a lot of force to cause buildings to collapse, assuming they weren’t made with twigs. That amount of force would have surely knocked people down as well, the ground being too shaky to stand on. I mean, even when you hear about terrible earthquakes, the buildings don’t just collapse, they are broken and shaken apart slowly. You make it seem like they are falling down like dominos here.
Ira snatched Vanessa off the wagon and shouted, ‘Forget the wagons! Start running!’
The men hesitated at first, leaving everything they had worked so hard to collect seemed like a foolhardy thing to do. Especially when dogs and bears of any sort were so hard to come by anymore. It was not until one man was smacked in the face by a large brick did they begin to move for the alley where Ira already had already passed through.
'What’s happening!’ Vanessa screamed, clinging to Ira even as he let her down to her own feet so that she could run alongside him.
'Hell if I know!’ he shouted, snatching her by the wrist and jerking her to his side of the alley before she became subject to a falling marque sign.
They slid out of the alley and then stopped briefly to wait for the others to come to the other side.
All at once the tremors stopped, and all was silent. They were quiet, holding their breaths.
A call Ira had never heard before filled the air, a strange cry of some sort, accompanied by a steady rushing sound. Vanessa screamed at the suddenness of that call, clinging tight to Ira’s side.
He looked up in time to see a monstrous black creature soaring overhead, its feathers glimmering in the light of the Second Sun. Ira had only seen pictures of birds before, and this one put them all to shame. He had never seen a creature more terrifying or less beautiful, even though he could not see it very well while it was moving.
It gave another call, and looked back directly at him.
'Come on,’ Ira breathed, taking Vanessa’s hand and following it.
'What is that thing!’ Vanessa asked, staring up at it. I don’t think ‘asked’ is the right word since she’s saying it as an exclamation.
'A bird,’ he replied, 'A raven, I think.’
'How do you know?’ Vanessa wondered.
'I don’t it’s just a guess!’ Ira grunted, looking back to make sure the others were following.
'If you don’t know what it is then-’ Vanessa shouted, appalled.
'Because it told me to (so?)!’ Ira shouted at her, 'Now shut up and run!’
The ground began to tremble again, driving the humans to pick up their pace, but the ground was cracking and breaking apart faster than they could run.
The raven folded its wings in and plummeted straight for the ground.
At first Ira was shocked, but the bird vanished into the narrow crack between in the center of the street. Ira did not realize it until it was too late that he had run straight toward the crevice as well. When he tried to stop, he only slid forward on the ice, and into the ground where the raven had gone.

Hi Beil, It’s me again! I noticed quite a few errors, maybe a few that have already been pointed out, but who cares, right?

The cattle had frozen to death, probably during the night.

A rat lay frozen on the barn floor.

A dead horse lay in a stall, emaciated and frozen like everything else. With so much ice, livestock was rare.

But what caught Louis' attention was the corpse hanging from the rafters by a rope. It was a man, no older than 20, perhaps younger.
Blood coated his left hand, a few drops had frozen on his finger tips.

A cry caught his attention. It was faint, and short. Had it not been so quiet even he would not have heard it.

He used the ball of his foot to nudge it open and then cautiously slipped inside.

There was a strong scent on the air, a mixture of turpentine and blood.

The trail led to a door that was closed at the end of a narrow hall.

He could hear something scuffling inside, a gentle voice humming softly the tune to a familiar song.

He did not have the time to try to understand what was happening.

But just when he regained his wits again the vampire leaped away from him and vanished with silent foot steps down the hall.

'I need a room and enough supplies to last about a week,' Louis replied,'I have the ammo to pay for it.'

'L.Graham...' he muttered aloud,'Louis Graham?'
Louis swallowed, reluctant to answer,'Yes... Louis Graham...'
The satyr eyed him with some dark amusement,'I've heard of you... If anyone around here knew who you were you'd be dead by now... Did you forget this is Underworlder territory?'

'Then what are you doing here?' asked the satyr, raising a brow at him,'As far as we're concerned you're as much our enemy as any other Eradicator.’

'I know,' he sighed, nodding,'But listen, I have the ammo. I can give extra-'
'Listen,' he interrupted,'I have enough problems on my hands with the orcs and the vampires and the other wolves and everyone else, I need the trouble you'll bring along with you about as much as I need a bullet in the brain.'

'No,' the satyr huffed,'But, they will.'

He gestured toward the window just as a small coven of vampires came meandering up to the hotel.

Louis nodded and then slipped silently out the door.

He stayed on the road, watching for any sign of shelter. But the wasteland was cruel, providing nothing for them.

People, then, lived rather than survived.

He came to a large diesel truck on the road. A trailer was hitched to the back of it.

Two skeletons dropped out, clattering and breaking on the ice.

He gathered her up in his arms and laid down on the pallet,'It's alright... It's alright.'

He felt his grip on wakefulness slipping...

A shriek tore through the night air. Louis sat upright, his hair bristling.
He could hear snarls outside the trailer, a woman screaming and screeching in agony and fear. His body tingled when he smelled blood on the air. Violet was crying.

'Help me!' a woman shrieked,'Help me!'

He lunged for the door, crashing through and tackling the intruder to the ground with a feral roar.

He felt teeth tear into his jaw and shoulder but it only intensified his rage.

Wolves were never meant to be alone, especially never in a fight.

Though he had an advantage of strength and more experience on his side, it still did him no good against five others

The Leader was the largest of them all, save Louis, with long steel colored fur.

Louis, bleeding from his chest, arm, and temple, half crouched in preparation for an attack.

Louis caught him and they tumbled backward until they crashed into an ice caked suburban.

The alpha snarled and reached up with his gnarled hand to swat Louis across the face.

The others did not join in now, knowing this was between their alpha and another with potential of becoming their new leader.

He snorted and pointed toward the West behind him,'Get out of here.'

He wanted nothing to do with them having no need for the responsibilities that came with being the Alpha.

He looked up, and saw a rivers of blood, bright crimson on the ice, branching from a large pool in which lay a writhing young woman.

'No...' he breathed,'God no...'

He crawled over to her, looking franticly at her. There were several bite marks along her arms and sides and neck.

'Help me...' she panted, grasping his hand,'Help me...please...'

He removed his hand from her reach inadvertently.

He gathered her up in his arms whispering,'Shh... Shh... It's alright... You're safe.'...

She could not have been more than a day dead.

She looked as though she had fallen asleep, there was peace and calm on her features.Another thing that stirred Louis to the core.

The cry came again, weaker, more feeble than before.

She could not have been older than a few hours, a day at most.

He knelt by the basket and touched the top of her head, feeling her soft red hair and her ivory skin.

For so long he had been alone, shunned by all, feared by all, hated by all.

... The cattle had frozen to death, probably during the night. Louis looked over their scrawny carcasses. It was a wonder that they had survived to adulthood.
He raised his yellow eyes to the farm house and the barn. Either of the structures were barely standing. This sentence sounds a bit off. I don’t get what’s you’re trying to say; that both structures were falling apart, or that one of them was. It’s just the way you worded it that makes it seem confusing. A cold breeze slammed the barn door shut, and then it creaked open again.
He sighed and moved forward, wary in the silence that enveloped the little farm.
He peered into the barn. The hay loft was bare, laden with heavy icicles. A rat lay frozen on the barn floor.
Light shown through the cracks in the barn's skeleton, illuminating the empty crates and smashed barrels that littered the floor. There was a tractor in the corner, the wheels cemented into the ice. It had probably been in the same place since Before. I don’t know why you capitalized before.
A dead horse lay in a stall, emaciated and frozen like everything else. With so much ice, livestock was rare.
But what caught Louis' attention was the corpse hanging from the rafters by a rope. It was a man, no older than 20, perhaps younger.
Blood coated his left hand, a few drops had frozen on his finger tips. There was a deep laceration across his wrist, and the knife was still in the grasp of his right hand.
What had driven this boy to end his own life so desperately?This line seems unnecessary to me, because the answer is so obvious. It makes Louis seem stupid when the answer is so obvious to the reader.
Louis swallowed as a wave of strange sadness swept over him. Death had been his livelihood. Inflicting it was his only purpose. Until that moment, death and all that came with it had never phased him. Not since he was a child... So, why did this encounter stir him?
He stepped back.
A cry caught his attention. It was faint, and short. Had it not been so quiet even he would not have heard it.
He hurried out of the barn and up to the farmhouse, where he found that the door was cracked open. He used the ball of his foot to nudge it open and then cautiously slipped inside.
There was blood on the floor. Little crimson drops leading through the living room. He swallowed.
Another cry tore through the silence. He followed the trail of blood, stepping warily onto the carpet.
There was a strong scent on the air, a mixture of turpentine and blood. The hairs on the back of his neck bristled. He quickened his pace while still managing to maintain his silent approach. He moved into the hall, careful to avoid the creaking, warped floor boards. One word, floorboards.
The trail led to a door that was closed at the end of a narrow hall. He could hear something scuffling inside, a gentle voice humming softly the tune to a familiar song. It was haunting and beautiful all at once.
He put his hand on the door and the humming stopped. A blood curdling hiss replaced it.
A small form crashed through the door and slammed him up against the wall. He did not have the time to try to understand what was happening. But just when he regained his wits again the form leaped away from him and vanished with silent foot steps down the hall. He was on his feet in moments, about to give chase when the cry stopped him.
He looked over his shoulder and into the room...This is a weird place to break it off for me. I feel a bit lost. The humming seems unrealistic, I’m guessing it’s a woman by how Louis described it as ‘beautiful’ and if she was living in the same house as the man who died, I’m guessing it was his girlfriend or his mom or something. People only hum when they are happy or insane. She must’ve known the man had died. And she just all of a sudden attacked him then ran off… It’s very hard to follow for me. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to get from this whole farm scene. What’s the point?

Louis trudged up to the gaunt looking motel with Violet in his arms. Dawn was just beginning to break.
The flaming colors of orange and red in the night sky had faded to a bright hue of blue and pink with the rising of the sun.
He felt tired, after a whole day spent walking down the long high way,highway fighting these new, strange urges to taste blood again.
A few orcs I’m pretty sure that orcs are copywrited or something…stood quietly out by the frozen pool in the courtyard of the motel, warming their hands before a fire flickering in a barrel. They paid him no attention.
He approached the front desk, where a satyr sat in front of a stove.
'What do you want?' asked the satyr.
'I need a room and enough supplies to last about a week,' Louis replied,'I have the ammo to pay for it.'
'I only take shells for a 12 gauge,' said the satyr gruffly.
'I have those,' Louis assured him.
'Let me see your hands,' the innkeeper ordered.
Louis held out his hand, palm down, so that he could see his tattoos.
'L.Graham...' he muttered aloud,'Louis Graham?'
Louis swallowed, reluctant to answer,'Yes... Louis Graham...'
The satyr eyed him with some dark amusement,'I've heard of you... If anyone around here knew who you were you'd be dead by now... Did you forget this is Underworlder territory?'
Louis had nowhere else to go.
'No... I know who's territory belongs to who,' he said.
'Then what are you doing here?' asked the satyr, raising a brow at him,'As far as we're concerned you're as much our enemy as any other Eradicator. Just because you were bitten doesn't mean that's changed you know?'
'I know,' he sighed, nodding,'But listen, I have the ammo. I can give extra-'
'Listen,' he interrupted,'I have enough problems on my hands with the orcs and the vampires and the other wolves and everyone else, I need the trouble you'll bring along with you about as much as I need a bullet in the brain.'
'I ain't gonna cause any trouble,' Louis said.
'No,' the satyr huffed,'But, they will.'
He gestured toward the window just as a small coven of vampires came meandering up to the hotel.
Louis nodded and then slipped silently out the door.
He went around the corner, staying downwind from the vampires and out of sight of all others loitering about.
Violet shuddered when a cold wind whipped up around them. He wrapped her tighter in blankets and held her closer ad he walked in a large arch around the motel.
He stayed on the road, watching for any sign of shelter. But the wasteland was cruel, providing nothing for them.
He passed billboards advertising cars on sale and the grand opening of a new furniture store's opening in Tucson.
He wondered over these things and their significance to those who live Before.
He had heard the stories it from the old, of the Days Before.
Legend spoke of a world where men waved to one another on the street, women were as successful and independent as men, and children were allowed to be children. People, then, lived rather than survived.
That world was gone, though. A fairytale that was bound to fade into a meaningless mist.
He came to a large diesel truck on the road. A trailer was hitched to the back of it. The doors were unlocked and slightly open.
He crept up to it, and used his toe to push open the door. Two skeletons dropped out, clattering and breaking on the ice. Male and female judging by their clothing.
Louis kicked the bones aside thoughtlessly and clambered into the trailer, closing the door behind him.
Before long, he had a small fire burning on a sheet of thin metal and was preparing Violet's bed for the night. She watched the flames in silence, her bear in her arms. Wait, she was holding a bear?
He froze when he heard a wolf howl, and then two more in response to the first. They were close.
He swallowed and looked at Violet when he heard her whimper. Ever since that night, the voices of the wolves scared her.
He gathered her up in his arms and laid down on the pallet,'It's alright... It's alright.'
The wolves sounded again. Even closer than before.
He placed Violet on the pallet and wrapped her in the blankets and his arms.
She yawned, her eyelids heavy with sleep.
He felt his grip on wakefulness slipping...

A shriek tore through the night air. Louis sat upright, his hair bristling.
He could hear snarls outside the trailer, people screaming and screeching in agony and fear. His body tingled when he smelled blood on the air. Violet was crying.
'Help me!' a woman shrieked,'Help me!'
Wolves were laughing and howling now.
Violet squalled, her voice warbling. A squall is a storm.
A shadow fell over the door way doorway, sniffling and snorting.A clawed hand slipped through the crack in between the two doors. Louis could feel his Beast tear its way out of its cage.
He lunged for the door, crashing through and tackling the intruder to the ground with a feral roar.
The other wolves froze as he rolled into their little group, completely tangled in a bloody battle with their comrade.
He felt teeth tear into his jaw and shoulder but it only intensified his rage. He stood on his hind legs with his opponent in his arms and his jaws clamped tight on the jugular. Another wolf sprang onto him, knocking him sideways. The other three joined in the fight, snarls ripping from their throats.
Louis knew he was in trouble. Wolves were never meant to be alone, especially never in a fight. Though he had an advantage of strength and more experience on his side, it still did him no good against five others.
He managed to roll over on his stomach and scramble away from them. They went down on all fours and began to circle him, snarling and snorting as they paced. The Leader was the largest of them all, save Louis, with long steel colored fur.
Louis, bleeding from his chest, arm, and temple, half crouched in preparation for an attack.
The Alpha of the pack was the first to lunge forward, his jaws snapping for Louis' throat. Louis caught him and they tumbled backward until they crashed into an ice caked suburban.
Glass and ice showered them but they were too busy fighting to pay any heed.
Louis gained the upper hand, slowly but surely, positioning himself on top of the big Alpha.
The alpha snarled and reached up with his gnarled hand to swat Louis across the face. Louis roared, but shook his head and punched his opponent in the face twice before he was kicked off.
The others did not join in now, knowing this was between their alpha and another with potential of becoming their new leader.
Louis was on his feet and charging into the unsuspecting alpha without hesitation now. His jaws set on the jugular, and blood, sweet blood coated his tongue. The alpha yelled and tore away, cowering back with the others.
Louis snarled at them, and they laid back their ears and tucked in their tails as he gained another size before their very eyes. Their alpha had given in, and he was now the one who possessed them.
He snorted and pointed toward the West behind him,'Get out of here.'
They hesitated, looking confused. He wanted nothing to do with them having no need for the responsibilities that came with being the Alpha. He already had Violet to take care of.
He roared at them, crashing down all fours as his hackles stood on end with the sheer might of his voice. They ran now, dropping to their forelegs to gain more speed.
Louis' knees buckled as the Beast returned to the dark recesses within his chest. He gasped, and held his head in his hands, shaking all over. It was becoming more and more like a drug, releasing the Beast. Before he struggled to contain it, to keep it hidden and secret. But now, he longed to kill and destroy. What was he becoming?
He was distracted from thought when he heard somebody gasping and sobbing. He looked up, and saw a rivers of blood, bright crimson on the ice, branching from a large pool in which lay a writhing young woman.
'No...' he breathed,'God no...'
He crawled over to her, looking franticly at her. There were several bite marks along her arms and sides and neck. It was a wonder she was alive. But then again, he knew living through this would have consequences.
She looked up at him, her green eyes bloodshot with agony and fear.
'Help me...' she panted, grasping his hand,'Help me...please...'
He removed his hand from her reach inadvertently. Nobody had touched him in a long time. Not without meaning harm.
She broke into more sobs, trembling all over. He knew the feeling. He knew of the fire that was coursing through her very bones. Her Beast was making itself at home.
He swallowed. Some strange sense of compassion overcame his wariness of her. She needed him like Violet did. She would need him to guide her, to protect her from herself.
He gathered her up in his arms whispering,'Shh... Shh... It's alright... You're safe.'...
I like how you explained she was becoming a werewolf without actually TELLING us she was becoming a werewolf. Very nice.

... Louis crept warily into the dark room. The corpse of a woman lay naked in the small bed among sheets and blankets and towels soaked in blood. This was what attracted the Vampire. But where was the source of the cry?Wait, another flashback? This is getting confusing. It’s hard to tell what is going on currently, and what happed years ago. I suggest you put anything that happened in the past in italics so that the reader can tell that there is a difference.
He looked around, paying little attention to the woman in the bed.
The cry came again, weaker, more feeble than before. He turned to look, and in a basket lay a baby, newly born. She could not have been older than a few hours, a day at most. He could only stare.
She was the most helplessly beautiful creature he had ever seen. Babies were scarce, and in all his thirty years he had never seen one until then.
He knelt by the basket and touched the top of her head, feeling her soft red hair and the warmth of her skin. He looked around cautiously before picking her up, so afraid that he would break her delicate frame.
He wrapped her in his fur jacket and more blankets from the basket, holding her close against his chest.
She was soon warm,you already said that her skin was warm before when he touched her. and staring up with a gaze one might have when they beheld a savior. He was perfect in her eyes, he was even beautiful. He ran his hand over her hair again and kissed her brow. She smelled sweet and innocent and warm. He closed his eyes.
For so long he had been alone, shunned by all, feared by all, hated by all. He had no family, no pack, nobody. He was the lone wolf. But not any more. Now, he had her to love and protect and keep. This was the day he would forever remember as the day his pack grew by one.

I just want to say your series is absolutely positively amazing! I could see this being published, no joke. The diction is high up yet not too elegant, which is a great simple style that's easy for a reader to read yet difficult for a writer to execute. PLEASE KEEP WRITING! I'm hooked, a definite fan!!!

Keep it up!!! =)

Wow.

This story was vivid, frightening, and amazing all at once.

You have this amazing eerie way of organizing your words; it really makes the difference between a semi-good story and A TOTALLY AWESOME (YOURS!) story. XD

As for grammar edits, I couldn't find many:

*Use "" instead of '' for quotations
*Make sure that you have appropriate spaces around your dialogue. For instance- "Wow," she sighed, "that's really wierd!", NOT "Wow," she sighed,"that's really wierd!" I noticed that a few times.

KEEP WRITING KEEP WRITING!

Taylor

Once again, nothing short of amacing. I only saw two things that bugged me.

bElL3 wrote:Either of the structures were barely standing.