Young Writers Society

Hey there!

I know this is an older poem of yours, but I saw it kicking around in the poetry section and thought I'd try my hand at a review.

As @Morrigan commented earlier, the first line reads awkwardly from a lack of punctuation. I know how hard it can be to add punctuation into a poem mostly lacking it, so an alternative solution might be rearranging the words. However, I feel like that might cause that line to lose some of its meaning, so feel free to completely disregard that critique.

I think my favorite part of this poem is either its brevity or the final three lines.

The brevity works incredibly well for a poem about struggling to write poetry after awhile of not writing it; a longer piece might have gone against the message. It's a cool aesthetic choice that I really enjoyed once I noticed it.

On the other hand, I really love the final three lines for how much I can relate to them. I rediscovered some of my older poems today, and I realized how unfinished they felt. I haven't written poetry since June, but seeing them made me want to continue from where I left over. This poem gives me the same feeling.

My final little comment on this awesome little poem is how much I loved the formatting. It took me a reread to catch onto it, but the poem can be read as one, long sentence. It almost reminds me of a six word short story. There's not a lot of content in the poem, but it still conveys an entire message and tale.

Great job on this poem!

Really sad. This short piece packs a powerful punch. It's one of the things I really love about poetry. A person can say so many things with only a few lines. I'm not a poet, but sure do appreciation it in others. I hope to someday write works similar to this one. Please keep writing.
-Shieldmaiden

Really, when I first saw your poem, I was kinda scared it’ll be enormous- the length of your poem is a ReLiEf. Back to the outlines of your poem. I think your poem has no rhymes.. hmm.. yes. And the rhythm is fairly equal, although certain lines, like one, is a bit shorter than the rest. There is a certain appeal to your poem. You know.. like the complexity of simplicity. You use simple words and yet they are so richhhhh. And just like your last sentence (The feeling that something was unfinished here), that poem feels the same way to us. It seems as if you’re hinting to something too complex or secretive for us yet to grasp, and believe me, not all poems manage to do that. It’s fascniating how so little length build so much admiration and escapism and thoughts. You really have potential, and rethought I usually recommend adding imagery and description; in your case I think only comparison would add to your poem’s appeal.

Hey, alliyah! I haven't reviewed your poetry in a little while, but as this was in the Green Room, I decided to give this one a shot! You do not have to take anything I say to heart - you know that I'm generally blunt and awkward anyway and you know how reviewing works, so I guess that I don't need to give you the whole shindig, haha. Since this poem is so short, this review will be a little shorter than usual.

So, the first two lines transition-wise are very awkward and shaky, since you change tenses (the first line is in past tense, and the second is in present tense). The rest of the poem changes tense randomly as well ("thought" in the fourth line; "carry" in the sixth line), which makes the poem a little awkward, per se.

Define "things". I think that you could be so much more specific with this line - especially considering your experience - into something much more interesting. Words that I would use would be "fungi", or "molds". The same rule could be applied to the last line, which ends with the word "here". Where is "here"? What is "here"? Why is "here"?

"like conversations ringing so long afterwards" is pretty awkward. I don't really understand what you're saying here? Well, I do, but I think that your wording could be switched up a little until it makes sense and/or is less puzzling. Then again, I can't come up with a way that this line would flow, so this is quite difficult.

For a poem being so short, and for the poem being the first one that you at least posted in almost a month, you did very well! My critiques are more on specifics and tense than anything, and I think that you could easily improve those to make this poem better!

Have a great day! Auf Wiedersehen!

~~zami.

Hi Alliyah, I'm here to review your poem!

All right, so we have a short poem here. I dig it. I dig the length and the focus. Not every poem has to be an epic. That also means I can be pretty specific about what I'm seeing in the poem! So here we go.

poetry dusty and left alone

starts to take on mildew

and other strange creeping things

i thought i'd forgotten

like conversations ringing so long afterwards

they no longer carry words, just

the feeling that something was unfinished here