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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review
This poem is absolutely gorgeous. It's written in the sort of way where you can tell the poet knows exactly what they're doing. Every single word you use is intentional, every line having a different impact on the story it tells.
A great beginning to a great poem! Perfect for setting the mood and theme. However, the third line is a bit... weak? It's written oddly, and though the meaning is understood, it doesn;t have quite the same impact as many of the other lines in this poem.
This section is absolutely gorgeous: it's reminescent of a a old map you can't quite figure out, or a book in a dream where the words keep sliding off the paper. The imagery here is lovely, and I can truly feel the softness.
This stanza is so lovely - you can feel their heart hurting. These lines are beautiful. However, perhaps you could end this part in a question mark?
Once again, an absolutely stunning section, and likely my favourite: your imagery is beautiful. There are a few simple critiques, but mostly just technicalities. You can add a comment before "child", and remove the comment after "unfolding". Otherwise, this section is so painfully beautiful.
This section. THIS SECTION. This simile is SO, SO beautiful. Your imagery, as throughout the poem, is vivid and real. The final sentence wraps this section up so perfectly: a stunning stanza. However, the final "sentence" is a run-on with a simple fix:
This line is so perfect for wrapping up the poem; the period at the end adds a sense of finality to it all, as if you're finally accepting the fact.
Remember: take the criticism you like and leave the rest!
Overall, this was an absolutely beautiful, vivid, creative, and lovely poem! You did a fantastic job, and you should definitely be proud. Keep writing!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! This was very helpful. <3
Heya alliyah! Incoming review!
doesn't exactly benefit from the redundancy of soft. I think because the word soft is only used in one tense. Perhaps if you went something more along the lines of "soft, softer, too soft;" would make more of an impact on the reader. The line also suffers from the redundancy of worry, although it is a bit of a nitpick at this point, so you don't really have to change it.Oh boy this was an interesting poem to read. Let's get onto the review, then.
I'll start out with critique first. The line
Okay done with critique, let me praise your work. I love It really gives me the thought I have every once in a while that I never truly know what someone is thinking. For all I know they could just be lying to me. I also think the use of italics on the last line is in good taste. I can hear you putting more emphasis on these words and almost stooping down to someone's level to tell them this as if you're a towering figure. It gives me chills. Well done!
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! It's always a treat reading some of your poetry and getting to review it! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeeee<33
I really love the phrase "worry-worry" it sounds to me a little more organic and lovey-dovey that way. I'm also maybe a little biased towards same word repetition from studying Hebrew poetry where this is a pretty regular literary technique (you can find in the Bible when it says "King of Kings and Lord of Lords") in the Hebrew sometimes the literal is just "king king" or "Lord Lord") I also like the technique with repeating conjunctions unnecessarily and you might spy that in my poetry sometimes.
Thanks again for the review! I'm glad it made you think, and loved reading your reflections! :] Thanks so much for all the reviews this month <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
TRUTH!!!
First of all, I love the way the lines are spaced, carefully moving back and forth. I like the style you chose of not using capitals or periods-- it made the poem feel more personal. This poem just felt so real, raw and honest. Reading it, I was reminded of a particular person in my life, and I'm sure everyone who reads it will feel the same. You've written a poem every single person can personally relate to-- color me impressed.
i love your use of metaphor and similie, and that image that you used and reversed (did you draw that yourself?) matches the feeling of the poem perfectly. Thid whole poem is just absolutely AMAZING!!!
Thanks I appreciate the comments! I wrote this during National Poetry Month - & yep I drew the little plant pictures!
Hello, FlamingPhoneix were with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.
Okay let's begin.
So this was a really well written poem, I mean I've read lot's of your poems, but to me this seems to be the best so far, it's so unique, I haven't read anything like it. How your words just flow together like water in a river, also allowing a really good flow too.
To me this felt really deep in emotion, and it also sounded like a story in away. I'm just loving the descriptive words to, it places a wonderful image in my head.
Now your title is a really good choice, it grabbed me and dragged me in here to come read your work, and I'm really glad I did, reading this was almost therapeutic in away. It made me relax, and I love that.
I'm digging the way you have set up your poem to, the way you have put the words it's almost like a root. It's makes it look really pretty.
So I did see one little thing. In one of your sentences at the top you said soft three times in a row. Maybe take one of them out, or change it to another word. Just a suggestion.
Well that's all from me for now, I'm really glad I read and review your work. This poem just made my day, and I might come and read it a few more times! XD. Anyway keep writing amazing things and have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion!
<3 Thanks so much FlamingPhoenix! I appreciate it and glad you enjoyed the poem!
Well thank you for writing such a amazing poem!
Your poem has a beautiful extended metaphor of this whole plant and soil thing. The images really depicts the whole idea, and it can even make you think. (I also should point out your name at the bottom of the page, i rarely see that. But I didn’t even know it was from you until I saw it. It has a use at least, though it sticks out a bit as odd)
There’s also the way you shaped the poem. The outside I mean. It’s like, twisting really; it’s original I must say. I have rarely seen poems that shape.
What I remarked though, is the way you show the evolution. You start with words left to guess, to the worry minds, and then you finally use the extended metaphor of the soil and plant; which you never really link to any of the past paragraphs. People might, on first thought; think it might be you made that on purpose to make us think- but just in case, I need to tell you that an evolution in a poem must be clear. Even slightly present for the untrained eye. In your case, it’s not the extended metaphor or the structure of paragraph or even the words you use- but rather your title.
The words left unsaid.
The words left unsaid, like the main context of that first and second stanza, like the little italic passage where the words left unsaid make one’s mind curl and unfold like wallpaper, like the flower garden growing inside out. Now I get your poem is made to make us think- but do not warp your structure and imagery and words in such way- sometimes simple things demonstrate complexity.
Thank you!