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empty words

by alliyah

* Wikipedia Article referenced is the entry on Cyan:

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70 Reviews

Points: 1589
Reviews: 70

Sat Jan 18, 2020 4:02 am
dahlia58 says...

Here I am, noticing the cyan color of the text only after I see the wiki link...This poem is very insightful. It feels almost like academic prose, due to the structuring. But I supposed poem structures are pretty flexible. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel this work is about how the speaker tries to find a balance between opposite ends of thought or opinion. The part where the speaker wonders whether scientists or poets are the ones observing shifts in water and observing their color changes. Such activity would make anyone feel poetic.

There's nothing that needs to be edited, in my opinion. But this poem might be a bit difficult for some readers to understand...However if your target audience is people who are well-versed in poetry, then it's great. Please keep writing^^

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70 Reviews

Points: 1589
Reviews: 70

Sat Jan 18, 2020 4:02 am
dahlia58 wrote a review...

YWS copied my reply twice, so I deleted the second one.

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234 Reviews

Points: 1635
Reviews: 234

Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:52 pm
Horisun wrote a review...

This was a really great poem. I liked the word choice, and the figurative language, and the overall poem itself. There are two things I'd like to point out, however.
First of all, where you wrote 'err' you were going for error.
Second, At the start, there was no punctuation, zip, zero, other zero words. But throughout the rest of the poem, you go back to it, except the area where you forgot to put a coma behind the but.

Overall, this poem was great, and the things above are just little nitpicks that needed to be pointed out. Happy Review Day!

alliyah says...

"Err" is actually the intended word I was going for, it is a formal synonym to error. On the punctuation I may remove some of those later commas to make it more xonsustent with the first stanza, I was going for light sentence end punctuation to give a "run-on sentence feel". Thanks.

Horisun says...

Oh, okay! I guess I misunderstood. Is see what you mean. Sorry.

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155 Reviews

Points: 11208
Reviews: 155

Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:29 am
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Toboldlygo wrote a review...

Hello! Before I continue, I'd just like to say that I love that you cite your wikipedia source for the color cyan. That was actually a really good thing to do that many would not have done.

I really love how you refer to the uncertainty of the world around us in terms of muddy water. You really do a fantastic job capturing imagery in your poems in ways I had never considered. The inability to trust anything now is felt by so many in light of all the misinformation and half-truths spread around today, and feeling the frustration of not being able to trust anything.

On that note, I find it ironic that you use wikipedia as an example of what you can trust, given that this poem is about (at least to me) not being to trust what you read online. That contrast almost adds an element of satire to the poem. I don't know if you intended it to be satire or not, but as someone who particularly loves satire, I actually enjoy it.

I particularly like the way you describe there being space between optimism and pessimism. I did question your use of the word polarity, since polarity would seem to me that you are most comfortable being in one or the other, yet the verse makes it seem like you're more comfortable in the space between truths and lies? I think some clarification of phrasing might be helpful. The poem itself seems to be about not liking knowing what's true and what isn't, so I'm not sure that the word polarity conveys that sentiment in the best way possible.

Overall, another fantastic poem. Great job!


alliyah says...

The irony of wikipedia being a source for knowledge is supposed to be kind of ironic! You had it right! There's a comparison here that I'm trying to make of someone who's in love and dissects empty conversations with their partner, to someone who is researching and uses wikipedia as their source.

The polarity thing I'm not sure was quite explored enough in this poem. But I was trying to portray that this person says they like polarity in terms of truth (you like me, or you don't like me, colors are this, or they are that- rather than changing/inbetween) but it's hard to have that attitude when the verdict is bad, or when you're dealing with people -> ie. people change (like water's color). So they're wondering if there's a third option (something besides black and white, empty and full) I hope that makes sense! As I said, I think I was tackling too many things in this one poem - so it might be a topic that is better explored in a new one. :) Thank you again for your review! I found it helpful.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill