Young Writers Society

Salutations, Alliyah!

Hey there! My name is M, and I'm here to tell you how awesome you are. This is quite easy, really, considering this poem is FREAKING FANTASTIC! So creative! Original! It could be interpreted in so many different ways and honestly, I just looove it.

I've never seen a format like this before, and it got me so excited. I was shocked when the words started to swirl and coalesce. While the language and meaning are very well-written, and just all-around amazing, I think the format might be my favorite part. It's just so eye-catching!

On to the more technical-ish stuff, such as meaning and word choice... Really good. Sure, it's a little vague, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It gives the reader (AKA Me!!!) the freedom to think about this idea and come up with my own conclusion, and I enjoy that.

I really like the metaphor of spiderwebs, "holding me together", etc. It's great because, well, spiderwebs aren't necessarily a good thing, but the MC is afraid to let them go. Maybe she can't live without them.

Altogether, you did a wonderful job.

Can't wait to read more of your art!

-M

Hi alliyah!

This poem. Oh man oh my gosh. It's flipping incredible! I wanted to try and write a review, but this might be hard considering I like it so much. XD

I'm very curious about the "leftover body"--leftover from what? It seems like it could imply leftover from the disaster hurricane/whirlpool beneath, or something else that happened with the mysterious "you". I almost want another hint, but maybe that one word is hint enough.

I'm also interested in the idea of spiderwebs "growing". It has a very different feeling than "spiderwebs accumulating" or something like that. It gives me the feeling of something menacing living in the back of your mind and constantly growing larger and intruding.

Despite the creepy feeling of the spiderwebs, the narrator doesn't want to brush them away. This is definitely out of fear; but you also say "spider ropes". I feel like that contrasts a bit--on the one hand, I get the feeling that the spider webs are so thin and delicate, that the narrator doesn't want to brush them away because everything will be empty and disintegrate. On the other hand, the "spider ropes" seem like a much stronger bond, something that the narrator might want to brush away, but in this case it wouldn't be the narrator's decision to not do so--because they would be holding her captive, sort of. Does that make sense? So something like "spider threads" might go better with the first idea, while the second idea... has sort of a different feel from the rest of the poem. But there might be many conflicting interpretations!

The "spider webs pretending to be someone they're not" feels like memories and shadows and I loooove it.

I also obviously love the crazy formatting, and then the painful clarity and certainty of the last few lines. <3

The only other thing I might mention is that I wish there was another repetition of "i'm too afraid" at the end just because it feels fitting in my mind for some reason, but I love that it's there twice as it is.

Also, this is a link to Of Monsters and Men's song "Thousand Eyes"--the structure of the song reminds me a ton of the structure of your poem, with a poem (lyrics), an intense storm that gets stronger, and a lot of finality at the end:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDi7Q0ml6gc

Anyway this isn't a review so much as me just commenting on my views on your poem, but I love it so much and wanted to tell you all my thoughts about it. It really resonated with me, I wish I could like it again!

Have a fantastic day,

-Q

Alliyah!! What the actual heck this is amazing <3 Okay okay let me try to actually review this c:
Although I adore the formatting, I do have to say that in all honesty it doesn't remind me of spiderwebs, which I think it's supposed to and I wish it did. I'm thinking more hurricane? Although a hurricane could go with this (as in like a hurricane of feelings), I think that this poem is more gentle in itself, but at the same time it makes it feel like the poem is being pulled apart, coinciding with the "you're all that's left holding me together" part. So I don't know and I'm just spewing my thoughts now. (But also please tell me how you did it!?)

Into the actual words in the poem part: I love the words, they're great. <3 But... I'm not a total fan of how broken up the poem is. The line breaks feel kinda unnatural, but at the same time, I love where they are because it sounds like the speaker is out of breath and truly going to fall apart any second. Conflicting thoughts xD

As a lover of overly long and complicated descriptions, I wish there was a little more imagery, but I also see how it works right now, so feel free to ignore this part <3

Um so yeah this is great and I love the simplicity of the idea c: I hope there was something helpful in all this mess, so keep writing lovely poems and I'll probably see you next poem haha
byee~

=^-^=

Hellllo.

This. Is. Amazing. I love the format. You need to tell me how you did that. And I love the words, how they weave together (he he). I could see the web spinning (good god) and I really enjoy what you did at the very end, it ties all the strands up in such a neat way. This puts my poetry to shame. The only thing that stood out while I was reading this was 'spider ropes'. Ropes stood out a bit because it's a harder word with the 'r' and the 'o' sound. Maybe you can find a softer, more spider webby word to stick there?
Again, this is amazing!

AndName