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spiraling

by alliyah



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46 Reviews


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Sun Sep 08, 2019 10:16 pm
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starryknightt wrote a review...



Hey there! My name is M, and I'm here to tell you how awesome you are. This is quite easy, really, considering this poem is FREAKING FANTASTIC! So creative! Original! It could be interpreted in so many different ways and honestly, I just looove it.

I've never seen a format like this before, and it got me so excited. I was shocked when the words started to swirl and coalesce. While the language and meaning are very well-written, and just all-around amazing, I think the format might be my favorite part. It's just so eye-catching!

On to the more technical-ish stuff, such as meaning and word choice... Really good. Sure, it's a little vague, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It gives the reader (AKA Me!!!) the freedom to think about this idea and come up with my own conclusion, and I enjoy that.

I really like the metaphor of spiderwebs, "holding me together", etc. It's great because, well, spiderwebs aren't necessarily a good thing, but the MC is afraid to let them go. Maybe she can't live without them.

Altogether, you did a wonderful job.

Can't wait to read more of your art!

-M




alliyah says...


Thanks Knight! :) I appreciate your commentary and thoughts! Thank you for the review.



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Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:05 pm
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Querencia wrote a review...



Hi alliyah!

This poem. Oh man oh my gosh. It's flipping incredible! :D I wanted to try and write a review, but this might be hard considering I like it so much. XD

I'm very curious about the "leftover body"--leftover from what? It seems like it could imply leftover from the disaster hurricane/whirlpool beneath, or something else that happened with the mysterious "you". I almost want another hint, but maybe that one word is hint enough.

I'm also interested in the idea of spiderwebs "growing". It has a very different feeling than "spiderwebs accumulating" or something like that. It gives me the feeling of something menacing living in the back of your mind and constantly growing larger and intruding.

Despite the creepy feeling of the spiderwebs, the narrator doesn't want to brush them away. This is definitely out of fear; but you also say "spider ropes". I feel like that contrasts a bit--on the one hand, I get the feeling that the spider webs are so thin and delicate, that the narrator doesn't want to brush them away because everything will be empty and disintegrate. On the other hand, the "spider ropes" seem like a much stronger bond, something that the narrator might want to brush away, but in this case it wouldn't be the narrator's decision to not do so--because they would be holding her captive, sort of. Does that make sense? So something like "spider threads" might go better with the first idea, while the second idea... has sort of a different feel from the rest of the poem. But there might be many conflicting interpretations!

The "spider webs pretending to be someone they're not" feels like memories and shadows and I loooove it. :)

I also obviously love the crazy formatting, and then the painful clarity and certainty of the last few lines. <3

The only other thing I might mention is that I wish there was another repetition of "i'm too afraid" at the end just because it feels fitting in my mind for some reason, but I love that it's there twice as it is. :)

Also, this is a link to Of Monsters and Men's song "Thousand Eyes"--the structure of the song reminds me a ton of the structure of your poem, with a poem (lyrics), an intense storm that gets stronger, and a lot of finality at the end:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDi7Q0ml6gc

Anyway this isn't a review so much as me just commenting on my views on your poem, but I love it so much and wanted to tell you all my thoughts about it. It really resonated with me, I wish I could like it again!

Have a fantastic day,

-Q




alliyah says...


Thanks for the review Q! (And for sharing the song too, I loved it and totally agree that it matches the structure of the poem)

So on the spiderwebs bit, I intended them to be sort of a symbol of the memories/feelings you have about a person after they've left (like a spiderweb is just the uncomfortable leftover residue/shadow of a spider's presence) - and sometimes we can hold on to the memories of a person so much that they replace the person's actual presence, and become something sort of negative/suffocating/oppressive in their own right.
So like in your mind they're connecting you to the person, but in reality can be really intrusive / which is why I used the rope language too - because their at the same time forceful, but also seem like this very vulnerable thread that's still connecting you to the past. I'm glad that conflicting representation came through!

I was inspired by my own impressions of how memories can be something nice to hold on to, but also can end up being really consuming if you fall in love with the memory of someone, disconnected from the person. I was also inspired by some stuff I've learned about how the ancient Greek poets talked about leftover impressions of people who've left carrying like a piece of them? (like their hair, footprints, shadows, rumpled sheets, fingerprints, etc) which seems like it can be sweet to hold onto but at the same time kinda unhealthy? obsessive?

On the "leftover" body bit - > I think you're interpretation definitely works - I was trying to portray that the speaker's identity is now consumed in this spiderweb/memories of this other person, so they only see themselves as a "body" rather than a person anymore - also has some objectification connotations which can work. The pronouns are really important in the piece too, because in stanza 2 it's all "you, you, you", then in the spirally part of stanza 3 "you, you, you".. is again one of the only parts that can be clearly read showing how the speaker's identity is just kinda gone/unimportant, then in the closing bit it returns to "i" again - clarifying the fear isn't actually that the "you" has left, but that the "you" is all that's left - and it's not even the "you" but the spiderweb's/memories they've left.

Yeah a lot going on there, hopefully most of that came through in some way! XD Thanks for reading all that babbling! I'm really excited about this poem though, and glad you enjoyed and took the time to review!

Thank you again for all of your interpretations and critiques! I'll definitely be considering them.



Querencia says...


Oh my gosh, there's so much more to this that I never thought of! Thanks for sharing your own thoughts on the poem with me, it got a lot deeper when I read it again <3 And I'm glad you liked the song!



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Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:18 pm
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TheBlueCat wrote a review...



Alliyah!! What the actual heck this is amazing <3 Okay okay let me try to actually review this c:
Although I adore the formatting, I do have to say that in all honesty it doesn't remind me of spiderwebs, which I think it's supposed to and I wish it did. I'm thinking more hurricane? Although a hurricane could go with this (as in like a hurricane of feelings), I think that this poem is more gentle in itself, but at the same time it makes it feel like the poem is being pulled apart, coinciding with the "you're all that's left holding me together" part. So I don't know and I'm just spewing my thoughts now. (But also please tell me how you did it!?)

Into the actual words in the poem part: I love the words, they're great. <3 But... I'm not a total fan of how broken up the poem is. The line breaks feel kinda unnatural, but at the same time, I love where they are because it sounds like the speaker is out of breath and truly going to fall apart any second. Conflicting thoughts xD

As a lover of overly long and complicated descriptions, I wish there was a little more imagery, but I also see how it works right now, so feel free to ignore this part <3

Um so yeah this is great and I love the simplicity of the idea c: I hope there was something helpful in all this mess, so keep writing lovely poems and I'll probably see you next poem haha
byee~

=^-^=




alliyah says...


Thanks for your thoughts BlueCat! So my process - was I wrote the poem, as it appears on the top, and loved the line breaks because there were a few that could be read multiple ways, but desperately wanted the poem to look like a spiderweb, so I played with the formatting a LOT on Microsoft PowerPoint, and then realized if I layered up the new version I had into a circle, it looked like a spiral/hurricane/fingerprint deal, which also I thought went really well with the feeling of being overwhelmed/loosing one's self. So I went with that, and then added the bits to connect the two pieces and highlight the overwhelmed/losing yourself theme a bit more.

So yeah, I totally agree that it looks more like a hurricane than a spider web! I'm also trying really hard to write more succinctly in my poetry recently, because I feel like my short poems are generally stronger than my long rambly ones, but I'm not sure I've hit the right point of being succinct, but still full of description. It's a balance I'm still working on, so I agree with you there too.

Thanks again for all of your commentary and praise and critiques! I appreciate it! <3

- alliyah



TheBlueCat says...


<33



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Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:05 am
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AndName wrote a review...



Hellllo.

This. Is. Amazing. I love the format. You need to tell me how you did that. And I love the words, how they weave together (he he). I could see the web spinning (good god) and I really enjoy what you did at the very end, it ties all the strands up in such a neat way. This puts my poetry to shame. The only thing that stood out while I was reading this was 'spider ropes'. Ropes stood out a bit because it's a harder word with the 'r' and the 'o' sound. Maybe you can find a softer, more spider webby word to stick there?
Again, this is amazing!

AndName




alliyah says...


Thanks @AndName! I appreciate that a lot. :)




A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.
— Franz Kafka