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Life's motivational skills

by akanbright



All we've become now shambles
All we've accumulated gone
All that we hold blown up
All that we admired lay waste
All that've worked disabled
All because we didn't pay enough attention to our purpose.

Things don't just happen
They are made to happen
Whether by us or someone else
Or from a certain other realm
And all we need is wild focus
To make our destiny happen


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6 Reviews


Points: 78
Reviews: 6

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Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:48 am
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Nicole136 wrote a review...



I just have to say wow. this is an amazing poem. I love how it's written. I love the part where it says " Things don't just happen they are made to happen". also I thought it had a great rhythm to it, and I love how it is short and sweet and two the point, but still so powerful. normally this is the part where I critique, but I can't find anything to say. other than it's wonderful, and keep up the good work.




akanbright says...


Thanks



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8 Reviews


Points: 162
Reviews: 8

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Tue Apr 06, 2021 9:38 pm
TheRealEuphoria wrote a review...



Hello :)! Euph here to review for ya.

What originally drew me to this peice was the title. I liked how it made me want to read your poetry-- although (maybe I'm wrong), I'm super OCD and think a beautiful poem like this should have an aesthetically pleasing title. So, may I suggest capitalizing the beginning of each word?

Firstly, I wanted to point out the blocking writing style you used here. It's quite nice to look at a peice of literature and not be overwhelmed with words right away. I appreciate the fact you made it short and sweet. Maybe that's just my preference in poetry formatting styles, but either way; great job with that!

As I continued to read your peice, I realized, though, that maybe it'd actually be even better longer. This kind of reminds me of spoken word. I understand that there can be short, to the point, spoken word; but this gives me social disrupton vibes, or corruption.

I love how you got all these emotions: despair, helplessness, bravery, responsibility-- all into these two stanzas. It's impressive. I can't wait to see what other awesome peices you're going to write, or have already written! Happy writing,

-Katya (Euph)




akanbright says...


Thank u



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96 Reviews


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Reviews: 96

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Tue Apr 06, 2021 3:22 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Hi there, this is stygianmoon17 here for a review :D

First off, I didn't really get the "hook". It's basically that little sentence below the title that's supposed to grab the attention of the reader. Here it said this:

Seems to bring what is not to make what is happen

Since this little bit was right below the title Life's Motivational Skills, I'm pretty sure this is a motivational quote, but I don't really get the meaning behind it. Maybe it's because there's a typo, or maybe because it wasn't phrased in a clear way. Or maybe I just missed the point entirely, but I feel like a motivational quote shouldn't be confusing to understand

Da list of typos (or grammar mistakes) :

All we've become now shambles

Three ways it can be changed, with three different meaning
A- "All we've become is now shambles"
B- "All we've become, now shambles"
C- "All we've done in our lives is now shambles"

All we've become now shambles
All we've accumulated gone
All that we hold blown up
All that we admired lay waste
All that've worked disabled
All because we didn't pay enough attention to our purpose.

In this quote, a few commas/semi-colons are missing, otherwise the meaning of each verse if thwarted.

This should become
"All we've become: now shambles
All we've accumulated: gone
All that we hold: blown up
All that we admired: laid to waste
All that've worked: disabled
All because we didn't pay enough attention to our purpose."

Except for a few punctuation mistakes and one or two grammar ones, I don't have much to say else. This was a short but nonetheless powerful poem that hits hard, and with some polishing, it could be even more powerful as the attention of the reader isn't stalled by the tiny mistakes.

have a great day and keep on writing <333




akanbright says...


Thanks, that did it



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Tue Apr 06, 2021 11:21 am
pratanubanerjee says...



This is a beautiful poem. it has a number of motivational words. I admire your words on destiny. It is quite good to find you have shared that purpose in the post.




akanbright says...


Thanks




Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri