Young Writers Society

Oh man, oh, man. This gave me goosebumps.

Well- glory bumps, as my Pastor calls them.

I think this is really good, the hook was really interesting. It caught my eye. It seems that you saw the chink and realized that you should pray about it but didn’t want to be bothersome (And you never are, God is always listening.) You knew that you couldn’t rely on your own self, but on God. This goes to say a lot about as a person and your entirety. You are able to admit defeat and realize you were in that wrong.

If I do say so myself, it takes guts to do that. But Praise the Lord, you got ‘em. Have a wonderful day.

Hi AJ! Glad to see you tackling some Christian themes in your poem. I'm here to leave some thoughts and review.

So, I actually liked your progression of building on that "chink" in the armor because you mixed it up a little, you didn't use the exact same language every time but gradually grew the picture showed a growing problem. Sure it's a bit expected, but it wasn't completely formulaic or done without thought.

The end was almost a bit too sweet for my liking though, and I'll explain why. You say "The hole is patched up, my issues behind me for now" but the speaker is still relying on their own strength they still have the same armor. -> like you're back to square one, when in Christianity I think the idea isn't just renewal but transformation. This is a little bit preachy, so feel free to ignore if it doesn't mesh with your belief system, but God gives us a new identity where we no longer even have to worry about the "armor" or our "works" or "goodness" -- we're just transformed with mercy and grace and sure may still sin, but sin and death lose their control over our lives.

I think that this side of it was sort of left out, so by the end rather than feeling like the speaker had encountered God and received that life-giving forgiveness, it felt like that the speaker had momentarily put a bandage on the problem. By the end I don't think the speaker needs to still be so concerned with the armor.

That being said, your last two lines are a nice finish for your poem and hit the nail on the head. The last two lines resonated with me as a reader and believer.

I think the overall story could have used a bit more cohesion, like melding some of the stories together to paint a more cohesive picture rather than just seemingly "random" events of the day. But I think the structure for the most part worked and was clear enough to understand.

And overall I did enjoy your message and the way you used story to communicate it.

Let me know if you have any questions about my review!

~alliyah

Ayyyy, so this is not how things work out. Let's talk about that.

I'm going to imagine that the entire poem was written with the final stanza in mind, which is a bit common among Christian poetry; it essentially makes all between stanzas filler, and you get very little character development from within them. Does this apply to this poem? Yessss. Is it remedied? Yes. You simply have to break this formulaic system of:

Entry of a stanza
I'm diving further into cliche darkness because of sin
I'm not worth Jesus
Not one bit

until the end where you change your tune into a third verse hymn and say

I am a stanza!
My darkness is fled!
If not for Jesus!
I surely would be dead!

It seriously made me wipe my face with my hand in disappointment. So jazz it up. Break it up. CHANGE it up. You're capable of thinking outside your own box, I'm sure.

Beyond that, your stanzas lack flow, and you don't need to capitalize the first of every line. That's archaic malpractice.

All the best,
Ty

Hello ajruby! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Pfft I'm an atheist but I'm bored so REVIEW TIME

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = random Kara comments.

Spoiler! :

I have a chink in my armor.

I thought it was nothing,

Just a few issues here and there.

I thought it would fix itself in time.

I didn't want to bother with a prayer{s};

Surely God was busy enough.

----

I have a crack in my armor.

I found myself snapping at my friend today.

Sure, she was being annoying,

But that was no reason at all.

I wanted to apologize, but yet

I was afraid of hurting her more. {Apologizing is the way to go, bud }

----

I have a gap in my armor.

I sat and brooded all day.

My brother asked me what was wrong,

But I just slammed the door and wouldn't speak.

I don't want to talk; I don't want to pray.

What use is it anyway?

----

I have a hole in my armor.

I ignored my mom's request to help with supper.

My brother tried to tease me;

I yelled at him and huddled on the couch.

My fingers were tired from stabbing at my phone,

One angry text after another off to my best friend.

----

I hate this hole in my armor.

All I want to do is drown myself in nothingness.

I hear a whisper in my head, a taunting poke:

"You are a failure. Look at what you've done."

No, I won't listen. I won't fall into that trap.

I fell on my knees and prayed.

----

I have new links in my armor;

The hole is patched up, my issues behind me for now.

I wonder why it took me so long to figure out

That I have only one hope, one strength,

An armor mender and a chain breaker.

And He always listens, even when I don't want to speak.

He's my God. {You don't need the italics here}

This review courtesy of

I loved your poem. Went along well with what I received this morning from Him.

Isaiah 50

10 Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on their God.
11 But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.