This is a short piece fresh out of my mind. It is raw and unaltered thoughts. Please enjoy. (And I apologize for the formatting, but it won't cooperate)
I wish I had a molten tongue.
I wish it hurt to speak cruel words.
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I wish I bore a heavy weight.
I wish it would keep me in my place.
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I wish I had a frozen mind.
I wish it would not conjure up foul things inside.
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I wish I had bright emerald eyes.
I wish they'd sparkle to make someone smile.
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I wish to lay down and speak no more.
I wish time would stop for a while.
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I want to stop
I want to go on
I want to speak
I want to shut up
I want to crawl into a deep, deep hole forever more.
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But I cannot.
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I want to live, but I don't know how.
I don't want to die, but it hurts to go on.
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I'm sinking
Down
.
Down
.
Down
.
But I'm fine.
-
I wish my feet would move along
To a caring, loving song.
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I have a hand to hold, I have a hope for what lies beyond.
It may take time, but I can change.
-
I will be okay.
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139,395 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
wow.... I am in awe. 99.9% of the poetry about self-hate and depression always end in giving in to the darkness but...this was different. It's inspiring, it's not the usual tumblr " I can never get better, no one can help me" crap. There's hope, the writer wants to get better and I think that's a nice change. Its a realistic view of what happens in the brain of someone who doesn't want to hurt anymore. I love this.
I hate poems that don't get you anywhere through your struggles. I have hope to get through it, and that's what I like to convey. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This is really heartbreaking, in a good way though. I felt bad because you describe how you don't feel ok, but then, you have something that will help you, or more likely, someone. And then the last line you say, "I will be okay." That made me feel bad because you seem like that in real life, you're actually in pain! But I know that you are ok, like you said you are. I hope that whatever inspired you to write this poem, makes you feel better! I absolutely loved this poem though. Continue making these poems, I'll keep reading them! Keep up the fantastical work!:)
FIRST- 2 notes that aren't really review related but just random thoughts:
1. I love the title- "this too shall pass" is a sort of personal motto of mine.
2. Saaaaaame for the formatting. I don't know why it doesn't let you just have spaces between paragraphs.
Okay, now time for the real review.
Your poem really hit me, especially the lines "I wish I had a molten tongue. / I wish it hurt to speak cruel words.". Good stuff.
However.
I do think the format could use some tinkering with. The two-line stanza thing you have going on in the beginning is good, and I understand you change it up for emphasis but when I read it it just pulled me out of the poem instead. There are also some times when your lines rhyme and times when they do not. I suggest picking a rhyme scheme (or lack thereof) and sticking with it. Also, make sure you punctuate the end of your lines. Some lines are punctuated and some are not. I suggest sticking with the punctuation.
Good job for a poem fresh out of your mind!
FIRST- 2 notes that aren't really review related but just random thoughts:
1. I love the title- "this too shall pass" is a sort of personal motto of mine.
2. Saaaaaame for the formatting. I don't know why it doesn't let you just have spaces between paragraphs.
Okay, now time for the real review.
Your poem really hit me, especially the lines "I wish I had a molten tongue. / I wish it hurt to speak cruel words.". Good stuff.
However.
I do think the format could use some tinkering with. The two-line stanza thing you have going on in the beginning is good, and I understand you change it up for emphasis but when I read it it just pulled me out of the poem instead. There are also some times when your lines rhyme and times when they do not. I suggest picking a rhyme scheme (or lack thereof) and sticking with it. Also, make sure you punctuate the end of your lines. Some lines are punctuated and some are not. I suggest sticking with the punctuation.
Good job for a poem fresh out of your mind!
Lovely poem, I find the message it posses to be very powerful.