Turning Slowly

Hey Zelda! You guessed it! It's me again!

So, I'm not actually sure what this poem has to do with bureaucracy. The lines "winding up/ just to unwind again" could maybe be about making decisions that they go back on again, but then I don't see at all how that relates to the first two lines. Also I'm not sure if using both forms of the word "wind" (like in air and in rotating) was particularally effective. Those sorts of word plays almost work better in humorous poems, because they get a bit confusing anywhere else. I think with a few changes you could maybe make this into a humor poem, just find another pun or critique of bureaucrats.

Yeah, I think right now this poem is a metaphor with no clear connection.

Like if I said, "Birds are Cats" --- okay. Interesting point, I can see where one might make that statement, and as a reader I can dissect the comparison and impart my own analysis on why birds and cats are the same, but in the end I have no idea why the reader has made that comparison. Right now we have about the same here, "turning is bureaucracy" ... okay, now explain why. You don't even necessarily have to get explicitly into why that comparison makes sense - but offer the reader a few more clues to figure it out themselves.

Let me know if you had any questions about my review.

~alliyah

This review comes from the Team of Werewolves. #TeamJacob Happy Review Day!

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, first thing I notice is that it is a very short poem. But I have hope, after all rebellions are built on hope. (I am sorry, i just saw the chance for a reference and I grabbed it by the tail), this poem really does have a lot meaning to it and just one line is in need of a comma and that line would have to be "Winding up". The whole thing flowed rather well too.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that our government seems to make government only to then have the more 'important' people deal with them and not take our opinions for it. Our government is making the decisions then going right back and changing them slowly. We are solving things so slowly that more problems are being created.

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Hello there!
Alright, so I know this is supposed to be short, and making a point, but I actually think you could expand it. You obviously end with "Oh, Bureaucracy!" as kind of the subject of the poem, and it makes sense with the "winding up just to unwind again", but I don't really get the "turning slowly in the wind" bit. What does it mean? What does it symbolize? I don't think it adds much to the ideas you convey in the last three lines, and since it's almost half of the poem, maybe you should make it more strongly contribute to the overall idea behind the piece.

I think that if you're trying to make a point about bureaucracy, I would use lines like your third and fourth, but more of them. If you think it's doing something just to undo it, maybe you should do things and undo them. I get the feeling that it happens more than once, considering it is Bureaucracy. You don't have to make it overly long, I just think that you could add some more examples or description. Short poems can be good, but I feel like in this case it's contradicting the ideas behind it to be this short and simple.

Anyway, you don't have to follow my suggestions if you don't want to. It's a good start for a poem, and I hope you can expand on it a bit!

-Falco

Ok so this is a great poem, even considering how short it is. it says a whole lot in a low of 13 words, that my good man, or cat, is amazing. a poem so simple and accurate about its topic is quite rare, so I'm impressed. I can't wait to see more like this from you, and one day seeing your works up with the big leagues cat, keep up the bada** work and have fun.