It is at moments like these that I remember why it is that I live. Oh, how the simplest sensation can release a wave of feeling, causing exponential splendor. A hint of the piano’s song or a second’s glimpse at a tremendous cascade reminds one’s soul of its nature. It is for this that we breathe, that we toil; every labor is worth the scent of yugen, of Nirvana. The very essence of life--its breath, its splendor, its zest--is embodied in all things. Bird’s song, viola’s trill, water’s rush. The world of numbers and music elevates the hearts of the downtrodden and enlightens the minds of the curious. It is at moments like these that I am truly alive.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hi Gem here climbing out of her Jewelrybox for a quick review.
I love poetry. I think the theme of your poem is expansive. I also love the way you used it.
I love the way you showcased the good of life. The beauty you pictured in your poem is beyond words for me. Why? Because I saw it. I felt it, your poem couldn't have moved more smoothly.
I had to google what "yugen" was because I had never heard of it. I think it would be really awesome if you were able talk more on yugen and what it means in this poem for the reader.
You have a beautiful poem here. It is elegant, and precise. I love it.
Continue writing.
This is Gem here climbing back in her Jewelrybox after her review. Bye for now.
I really enjoyed this poem. I think the idea of the "essence of life" is a very common theme in poetry, but I think you executed it in a very unique way that I genuinely loved reading. There are no cliches in this poem either, which is awesome.
I feel like you made music a common theme in this piece. Maybe you can include what you feel when you listen to music, not just what you think about it and how the beauty of music almost symbolizes the splendor and essence of life.
You also said the "world of numbers and music elevates..." near the end. I understood the music part, as I feel like it closely relates to the rest of the poem. The fact that this is end of the poem, and you add the "world of numbers" I feel like it doesn't really fit.
You did a spectacular job, and you are very talented! When you said the "viola's trill" it warmed my heart, because I play the viola and it is not very common.
Keep writing!
Hi ZeldaIsSheik!
I think the theme of your poem also opens itself up to an immense amount of potential because you can basically write about whatever inspires you in life; in other words, I feel that I really gain a sense of what the speaker finds especially touching.
I love prose poetry so I'm excited to review this
Sometimes in prose poetry (and I'm saying this as someone who dabbles a little poetry and is more comfortable in prose nonfiction), it's easy to get away with narration and feel that we're narrating. However, the difference between prose and prose poetry is the element of meter and the emphasized element of showing the reader what the speaker is trying to convey. For example, instead of telling us that a piano's or bird's song "causes exponential splendor", consider how you might describe the feeling of exponential splendor? I encourage you to further explore the emotions associated with these things and attempt to translate them into your poetry.
Secondly, I had to google what "yugen" is because I had never heard of it. Fascinating! I think it would be really awesome if you were able to expand on yugen and what it means in this poem for both the speaker and the reader. It's a unique concept to the general population, I think, and therefore something pretty catching.
Overall, I think you have the start of a beautiful poem here. You definitely have elegant ways of describing things, and I look forward to seeing what you do in revision stages.
All the best,
Lav