Thick candlelight, like a dream;
burning.
melting.
smothering.
All is melted but the wick,
the wax hardens as it drips.
The dream has ended, and in my wake;
I realize my true mistake.
Satisfaction will never be,
something I will ever see.
Maybe it is something near,
for her to call you, dear?
I wish you well from afar,
always sisters in our hearts;
I reluctantly play my part.
I'll always love him in my heart.
I am sorry that I lied,
it was never ill-inclined.
May you always be satisfied.
I will never be satisfied.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
I love this poem. It has that sad tone, and it's beautiful.
I can see that you did very much free-verse as rhythm doesn't play a part in how you made this poem.
As for the first line, it's powerful for the following lines do not repeat the rhyme.
The next three lines I enjoy because they're made of one word, of bleakness, of hopelessness, much like the character felt in this song. She gave up Hamilton just to make her sister happy even though she sacrificed her own happiness by doing so.
In addition, the masculine rhymes are well done.
The rhymes for the rest of the poem are amazing, like couplets in Shakespeare.
And to end, I love how you end the poem as the song ended.
It's very sad, in all, and portrays Angelica perfectly. Good job.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I notice is that a few places should have commas, not periods. Those lines would be "burning.", "melting.", "smothering." The last line would read better with the other if you were to put "Because I will never be satisfied" instead. otherwise, the poem flowed rather well. And I liked the title, Satisfied. It really captured the whole sense of the poem and its meaning. From the first line my attention was grabbed.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that you and a sibling loved the same person but you let them have the person that you both loved. You know that it will crush you but its for the better, right? If it will make them happy, right? You lied to them, about your feelings and you did not mean to hurt them but you can't fix that now. You never will be able to. You feel bad for lying but you know you did it for the best, right?
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Hamilton!
Getcha right hand man back!
Hamilton!
XD
Superb poem zelda...
Thank you! Idea credit goes to Lin Mauel-Miranda!
Hello,
Wow, this is heartbreaking in a good way. I feel the pain behind the poem such as unreachable love, knowing how bad your mistakes where, and the pain of trying to forgive yourself. The flow of your poem is nice and helps move the reader through your poem that dose not feel rushed. Word choice is simple yet affective. Wonderfull job!
Happy Writing!
-M.
Thank you!
This is my first review on this site so it might not be the best (I have written reviews on other sites though
I Like the pace of the poem, it is very well done and fits perfectly with the poem its self
I love the way you tie candle light into the dream it works perfectly I have never seem someone use that comparison. Just my input- maybe change the title? If the poem is about never being satisfied, then I recommend calling it something like “Never Be Satisfied” or something like that. Unlike most short stories, the title of a poem is just as important as the poem its self. As I said that is just my spin on it. I know poems are not supposed to be very straight forward, but the line “for her to call you, dear?” is quite confusing and threw me off a bit. Also the comma threw me off because I don’t know if someone is calling the narrator dear or is it the narrator saying someone c him/her dear. Just a bit confusing. The poem has a nice ending and a love basically all the lines. Other than the ‘dear’ part it was quite easy for me to understand. It was very poetic and a great piece. As I said with the title, it’s your piece keep it if you like it. I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future. Keep on writing, so I can keep reading. – Chanston Kay
Thank you for your review! The reason it was called 'Satisfied' was because it was based on the song 'Satisfied' from Hamilton the Musical, as the description says. You can listen to the some on Youtube if you want to understand more. The comma before dear is referencing how later in the musical Hamilton wrote to Angelica using a comma after the word dear to change it from a simple greeting to calling her his dearest, confusing Angelica's sister.
Link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0EqxnWxlvY
LoL that was one of my guesses my mother blast hamilton on every device in the house, i am kind of tired of the musical after 3-4 months of listening toot but that clear up a lot thanks
No problem! Glad I could help.
I think it's okay. The candle part is very confusing though.
Please let me know what you like about it!