Burn

I love this poem! One of my favorite things about it is how you kept the lines short and simple. It really reads as a stream of frantic thoughts tangled with angry and sad emotions. Had you decided to use flowery language and overcomplicate the wording, it wouldn't have worked nearly as well. I appreciate simple yet powerful poetry! Hats off to you.

I love how you wrote this poem. I could feel the anger burning in this poem. It portrays Eliza's emotions from this song perfectly. So, I congratulate you on this poem written perfectly for this moment.

May I start by saying it's very different from satisfied. It portrays the madness that hides in human anger perfectly, skipping rhymes, often not following a rhyme scheme. Like it starts off with an ABCB rhyme scheme, then the rhyme slowly taper off much like it should. It goes into anger. It goes into madness.

I will mention that the repetition at the end of the poem, is a little ineffective. The first time you said, "And I hope you burn" it ends with an exclamation point, which alone is powerful. The second time, it takes away its punch because of its softness.

The free verse, over all, was amazing, so good job.

AWESOME JOB!
This is totally burn in summary- I can feel Eliza in your poem.
The only thing is that some of the lines you wrote:
"I'm erasing 'us' from the narrative."
"I'm watching it burn!"
"And I hope you burn!
And I hope you burn."
"You built me palaces"

Those are all direct quotes from the song itself which feels....weird.
It's not bad. I feel like you used the actual quotes just the right amount, and I know that you are aware that those are actual quotes. And I can tell you changed all of them slightly, so it's okay. Just something to look out for in publishing poems or public poetry. (IDK if your interested in any of that...)

Another thing is that I feel like you sometimes used : or ; when it wasn't nessicary.
Or... maybe you just over used it a little bit.
Ya know- just YET ANOTHER thing to look out for.

One last thing- I'm a HUGE Hamilton fan, and I listen to this song every night before bed.
EVERY TIME, I cry.
Reading your poem, I just didn't have the same emotional connection than I do reading your poem.
On the other hand, poetry in general doesn't connect to me the same way music does. It's just the way I am and I know everyone's different. (AND Pippa is an AMAZING SINGER.)

Anyways........
AWESOME poem!

I actually love all of your Hamilton themed poems.

Hope you have a great day and you don't take my critisim to hard- I'm a HARD core Hamilton fan and I kinda jumped on you like a bear protecting her kids. (Hamilton-the musical- is like my baby. That sounds weird. Never mind.)

OKAY MOVING ONNNNNNN........
I hope you have an amazing day/night and keep writing!
I want one for WAIT FOR IT and DEAR THEODOSIA. (Those are my FAVORITE songs ever.)

XXX,
sapphireluna

P.S. Sorry about all the random capitols.... this poem really got me pumped UP!!!!!!!


P.P.S. Have you seen it yet? Are you going to?

P.P.P.S. I am gonna see it in march and on that day I'm literally going to go INSANE.

OK BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


XXXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXXOOXXXXXXXXX

I am a huge fan of Hamilton, so of course I read this. This review is going to be pretty short, though.

I get that this poem was based off of "Burn," but a lot of the lyrics were used. Like, I lot. This kind of makes me upset with the poem, because most of the really poetic bits are not your own, but in fact, Lin Manuel Miranda's. It is a great poem, I will say that, but there's so much of Lin's work in there. The palaces, the narrative... those ideas were not your own. Maybe you could try to convey how Eliza must have been feeling during this song without using most of the lyrics.

Or maybe, that's how you meant this to be read. I don't know. I've heard the song "Burn" millions of times though, and this is basically the same thing in a different format. I really don't mean to sound stuck-up, prissy, or mean. This is just my opinion.

Anyway, your phrasing was definitely great. Good job there.

That's pretty much it. Keep writing!
-Grace

I've got to be honest with you, I don't know much about Hamilton but I like your poem and I feel like I needed to review.
First off, the repetition in the last two lines was a job well done. It brought the poem to a good conclusion, got your point across well. You were right to label this a lyrical poem, it carries across a vivid image of someone marching around, carrying a torch, and singing wildly about. In fact the visualization and rhythm is my favorite thing about this poem. The only line I feel is out of place here is "why won't this click?", it just feels a little out of place in your rhythm but I don't really know what you would replace it with.
Also,
"but now you stand there:

acting indifferent!"
I don't think you should have used :, the sentence would have worked fine without it.

I've got to be honest with you, I don't know much about Hamilton but I like your poem and I feel like I needed to review.
First off, the repetition in the last two lines was a job well done. It brought the poem to a good conclusion, got your point across well. You were right to label this a lyrical poem, it carries across a vivid image of someone marching around, carrying a torch, and singing wildly about. In fact the visualization and rhythm is my favorite thing about this poem. The only line I feel is out of place here is "why won't this click?", it just feels a little out of place in your rhythm but I don't really know what you would replace it with.
Also,
"but now you stand there:

acting indifferent!"
I don't think you should have used :, the sentence would have worked fine without it.