A couple of hours passed by as they trod along to Neu’s eternal yabbering, squawking and annoyingly high pitched growls until they they reached their destination. Throughout the trek, neither of the humans had spoken a word, and Ana had stayed at least three metres behind him, looking downward. Pulling a pained expression, which he assumed to be her thinking face.
It was a valley-like crevice in the mountain surrounded by a dark black rocky landscape that looked to be sprinkled with dirt in some areas and snow in others. It was very patchy and every here and there, there were grassy areas.
There were still a few trees around but they were certainly not in a forest any longer. It was slightly colder there, too, and the air was icy and fogged, but it was quite refreshing to breath.
“Neu, you, stay close to me,” Squirrel told them, as the mist shrouded their view and there was an 18km drop into the crevice nearby.
Neu nodded and purred enthusiastically as he bound over to Squirrel with a supportive beaked grin. Squirrel ruffled the griffon’s head playfully.
“Why?” Ana asked. She only said it because she wanted to know, that was clear. Squirrel didn’t blame her. Other than to protect herself from something seemingly worse, why would she want to stand supportively beside the man who stole her life from her? However on this one occasion, there was a good reason
“Because I said -”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” She screamed -Well, not entirely, her screams were more the pitch of a roar - as she plummeted down into the unseen crevice.
“...so…” Squirrel looked displeased at Neu, who smiled idiotically back. Squirrel stepped carefully toward the ledge which was crumbling away. “Ana?...” He called down as Neu plodded over to him.
“Sqwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?!?!” He yelped curiously.
There was no answer initially, which had caused Neu to feel worried and Squirrel to feel annoyed.
Meanwhile, Ana was plummeting to her death. Crying hopelessly inside, though she was kind of wondering why it was taking so long. It may sound weird, but she even sighed mid-sob. Having a slow realisation rate, she actually opened her eyes to look around. Mostly she saw mist, but then their was something else...turquoise. Big, bright, turquoise eyes that looked like they could be made of diamond or crystal. They were beautiful, and for a while she just stared dazed into them...Until she realised they were getting closer and closer and closer and -
“BWAUGH! Wai-” Ana began as a serpent like body swooped under her. She landed with a thud onto a silver and white scaled back. Talking about scales- They were huge! One scale could make a gorilla's chest plate, which meant the creature she was on was also...ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE! Ana gazed down about half a mile of these scales, and momentarily admired that she - the thing, it must’ve been a dragon or something, Ana thought - was flying upside down.
It’s head turned inward and smiled goofily at Ana. Ana laughed nervously, but why was she being shy of a smiley dragon?!?! But it’s EYES! They were the most amazing gems Ana had ever seen, much nicer than her dark brown ones. She leaned towards it’s face curiously.
“Thanks,” Ana told her passionately. It’s whole body rumbled as a deep purr escaped it’s chest.
“ANA?” Squirrel was calling to Ana desperately and impatiently. Ana looked up toward the sound, she couldn’t see anything though, the mist was ridiculously thick there. Almost smoky. Everything was so large, the crevice, the never ending drop and the dragon that could carry a double decker bus on it’s back! It was quite distracting.
“SQUAWWWK!!!” Neu cried panicked. Ana knew she had better answer back, she was just speechless so it took a while longer.
“I’m OK!!! There’s a dragon here what caugh’ me!” Ana called back. The massive creature she was on looked up to the noise of Squirrel and Neu, too, then back at me. It made an elegant U-turn and gave a strong flap of its huge wings. Ana had thought Neu’s were large in proportion to his body, but these proportions put his to shame.
They seemed to have turned around to retrieve the other two, which made Ana even fonder of the dragon.It then hovered and boomed out a huge reassuring call upwards. To Squirrel and Neu.
“Uh,” Ana chuffed in a manly giggle. She knew that Squirrel was not going to like what she was about to say. “It wants you to jump!!!” She called to them. They were probably 8-10 metre above at this time.
Squirrel scowled at the suggestion - he refused to jump. Although, for a second he thought thoroughly through what he had been through in his life and wondered why he was so resistant to make a mere jump.
He decided to test Ana’s statement just to be sure - after all, she was an idiot. Even she knew that.
“SQUAWK!” Neu cried as Squirrel threw his foot into Neu, kicking him off of the ledge. With a satisfied smirk, Squirrel waited intently for a response.
“Ya got him?” Squirrel called down. Neu made a disapproving sound, which proved he was fine. “OK, then, count me down.” He called down to them.
A dragon’s purr, cracking girl’s voice and an annoyed griffon's squawk all made three large booms as Squirrel stood with an under bite, ready to fly. He leapt off of the ledge, trying not to be stupid and landed almost too quickly onto a massive hard white scaled surface. It was a dragon’s tummy - a pretty impressive one, too! The size suggested that it was a fully grown female, and the colour suggested it was a carbon dragon.
Initially, Squirrel was disapproving, but when he saw it’s face smiling childishly at him, and it’s beautiful eyes, he immediately liked her. He even smiled slightly, just a little...tiny bit. Enough, though, to receive amazed looks from Ana and Neu. He then shook the smile off and returned to wearing the bored, disapproving expression he always did. This made the dragon’s smile drop into a disappointed, but curious frown and for a second Squirrel regretted not smiling. However this didn’t last long as her body moved like a wave, and Ana, Squirrel and Neu flew upward into the air. The dragon swiftly and elegantly flipped herself over so she was flying the right way up, only for the three smaller creatures to land with hard thuds onto her back.
“AAAAOOOOW!” Ana gasped as her back fell against one of the pointed scales, making a cracking noise. Squirrel smirked to himself as she rubbed her back with a pained look on her face. “Where a’ we flyin’ to? If ya know.”
“This is The Crevice of Fire and Ashes. We’re going to where all of the dragons work.” Squirrel told her plainly.
“Oh, those a’ some fancy names. Make ‘em sound proper importan’,” She pondered pulling her agonizing thinking face. “ Ya know...I never thought dragons were real.”
“They are - important. This one’s a female carbon dragon. Carbon dragons or Ash dragons supply carbon - which is what most of any solid thing is made of. Including Earth.” Squirrel added casually whilst petting Neu, who purred intensely.
“Nice!” Ana smiled at this new found knowledge.
“There are also fire dragons. They heat the Earth’s core and compact everything underneath the crust.” He explained intently. Ana smirked at how involved and interested he was in dragon culture - he didn’t seem like the type to be interested in anything!
“Are we going to the Earth’s Core?” Ana asked simply.
“Not quite - we’d die,” He said quite bluntly. “So would their cocky master.” He grumbled to himself.
“Master?” Ana inquired.
“A dragon warlock called Carlena - big headed as hell.” He frowned.
“Warlocks exist, too?” She asked in a “Are you being serious?” fed up kind of way. Squirrel nodded, to which Ana gave a sigh and fell. All these special creatures were kind of overwhelming for her incomprehensive, slow brain.
Until she realised something.
“Carlena?” Ana asked slowly and sadly. Squirrel grunted a “yes”. Ana sniffed pathetically and frowned. “My...Mum’s,” She began whilst sobbing like a three year old. “My Mum’s name is Carlene…” Ana whimpered and Squirrel rolled his eyes. “I MISS HER! I WANNA GO HOME!!! TAKE ME HOME! PLEASE “ She began wailing and screaming feeling scared. The dragon and little griffon both suddenly looked toward her with concern and Squirrel sighed.
“Look, once you’ve beaten The…” He began but paused, disliking the incorrect terms of Nastiest and Nicest. “once you’ve beaten T.N, I’ll take you back to your Mother and sister.” He rephrased truthfully.
“Really? I could get you arrested.” Ana pointed out in disbelief, wiping away her salty tears.
“I know. I don’t care. This is the only true way I can make it up to the universe - to find the opposite and defeat T.N. I have to do this. Then I can rot behind bars like the other injured parents desire.” He mumbled. Ana frowned and nodded.
She fell from sitting into a laying position. They were still flying downwards. Other injured parents. Parents of children. Children he kidnapped...that weren’t her...He must’ve…
Her eyebrows furrowed and eyes grew wide as she rose. A wind had brewed and was waving roughly through her hair as she slowly turned to him horrified.
“You’ve...done this before?"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Greetings Waddlers! Holographic Ladybug here for a review!
EX.
I saw this floating around in the Green Room so I decided to kick it out (of the Green Room). I haven't read any of the previous chapters, so if I get anything wrong, that is entirely my fault.
~Nit-Picks~
It's=it is
Its=anything that isn't "it is"
I've noticed several problems with this, so you should probably look over your chapter to verify which one is appropriate. Try picturing "it is" each time you use " it's " in a sentence. If "it is" won't work, then "its" should be there.
Spoiler
The ladybug poured its tea.
Having "the ladybug poured it is tea" doesn't work here, so there shouldn't be an apostrophe before the S.
The fire is burning my skin. Well, I mean, duh! It's fire!
Replacing " it's " with "it is" works here, so " it's " is correct.
Here are some dialogue tips:
~If your dialogue needs to end with a comma before the tag....
~....Unless it's before an action in which that is considered separate (and not a tag) and the dialogue should end with a period.
~If you have "he" or "she" or "the" (etc.) as the first word of the tag, it should be decapitalized.
Spoiler
EX.
"Follow me into this big, spooky cavern," Dale said.
See how there was a comma at the end of the line before the tag?
"I can't take this anymore!" Dawn swung her sword at Sabrina, to which she dodged. "All you do is complain and steal stuff." She managed to knock the wizard down with the flat of her weapon and placed her boot on her shoulder, securing her onto the floor. Dawn then spat into her eye. "But we are finished with you." She turned to leave, but glanced back at Sabrina, who seemed to be choking on something. "Serves you right." And with that, she stomped away.
There was a period instead of a comma to break for the actions.
"I am dying," he said in a robotic voice.
The "he" was not capitalized.
Also, be careful about using too many exclamation marks. If you use too many of them, they lose their meaning. You also don't need more than one (same goes for question marks and a combination of the two), so be mindful of that as well.
Also, when you have a little section in between hyphens, your first word doesn't need to be capitalized.
~Other Bits~
The only thing I really have to mention is the sheer convenience of there being a dragon that saves here. It's a pretty big coincidence that a dragon just happened to be there to save her. Coinciences can't really be used in writing. I mean, they can, but only if you want to get your characters into a conflict. But getting them out of one? No. That can't happen. (See here for an amazing article about coincidences from an amazing website that was suggested to my by another YWSer) To fix this, try hinting at the beginning of your chapter that there might be a dragon nearby. Are there fallen scales? Scorched trees? How about distant roars? Try to makes these hints somewhat subtle so your readers can't see it coming or can predict it while making sure that the dragon thing doesn't seem too out-of-the-blue.
~Good Bits~
Love, love, love your writing style! It flows really well as if someone is actually telling the story. It goes really well when you have description because it helps the reader feel in the moment. Awkward sentences are difficult with a good writing style and you've avoided that, so great job.
I also am thinking that I like your character, Squirrel. He seems kind of grumpy or serious in a way. I don't know much about him yet because this is the only chapter I have read, but I know that he's pretty interesting. I don't really feel any holes in him as a character which is very important because that means that he is well-developed. Great job.
That's it from me! I really loved this and I think that you'll be hearing more from me soon.... (Cue terrifying music) MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job! Never stop writing!
~Holographic Ladybug
Hello!!!! Thanks ever so much! ...What's the green room? :S
WELL DONE!!!
GET READY!!!
Thank you for that, though! I DO get lazy sometimes 
Your first two paragraphs actually TAUGHT me something!!
The third one...I can explain. This obviously tells me that it isn't explained enough in the chapter, so there's something to work on. NOW FOR THE FUN-NESS OF EXPLAINING!!! XD
The Crevices of Fire and Ash is the home of dragons; Ash/Carbon ones and Fire ones. Silver Cinder as she is large and tends to get in the way down there, guards the entrace (basically the gaping hole above them. The Fire dragons work underground, compacting everything under the Earth's crust. When Carlena said "FIRE", it summoned hundreds of them from in the ground. I guess that it could be interpreted as her warning them of the fire, so I understand your confusion.
I'm so glad to hear that my writing style works!!! And before joining YWS, I had no idea writing styles were even a thing!! XD I'm SO SO SO SO SO glad you like Squirrel! And although in other chapters, you might find that he seems plain, his backstory and position in the story, I PROMISE, IS interesting!!
I - I - I'LL BE HEARING MORE FROM YOU SOON!?!?!?!?!?! Scary as you made that sound, I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR MORE FROM YOU!!! I really like to have regulars and I would really appreciate you joining my story!!!
WADDLERZ!!!!
HI!!!!
It makes me so happy to hear that I came here and actually did some good! 
But my reviews do usually take a while (especially for longer works) so you probably won't get every single review today, if that is alright. I will probably get to do around one or two a day but if I go two days without reviewing one of your chapters, don't be afraid to alert/nudge/remind me! ^^
) that I could have helped and will get onto the next chapter! 
(I wonder if I'm going to max-out the smilies limit....)
The Green Room is where all the works with less than two reviews go to get reviewed. I actually didn't know what the Green Room actually was until a few months ago, so I am somewhat new(-ish) to the idea as well (but I spend a lot of my YWS time there). Some works have actually been stuck in their depth for almost four months now (which is a long time to wait). I saw this chapter somewhere close(-ish) to the bottom, so that's why I came here in the first place.
(That explanation took waaaayyyyy longer than intended XD)
I'm really happy that I helped.
Also, thanks for clearing up the dragon thing.
I'm happy that I like Squirrel too. I don't really know what he looks like (yet), but to me he kind of looks like a flying squirrel-human hybrid. Ha ha! XD That's probably what happens when you encounter a character in the middle of a story you haven't read the start to yet with a name like that. I love his name, by the way. It's quite cool.
YES! You will be hearing more from me! (Hahahaha!!!!!!!!) I'm probably going to review the next chapter or two and then go right to the beginning to read it from the start. This sounds really, really cool and I can't wait to continue my review for the next chapter (which I have already started)!
Again, I am really happy (
~Holographic Ladybug
The green room is such a random name for it!! XD Tho it got me you, so I ain't complainin!!!
My chapters should be shorter further along; they used to be EVEN LONGER!! Which I knew was a big problem. Hehe... XD Gosh, that would've been a fun idea for squirrel! 
NOT SAYING ANYTHING!!
See ya round, BUDDY!!! (I call all my consistant reviewers that I like "BUDDY" or "buddy" or "Buddy" !!!) XD I LOVE YOUR SMILES, NEVER STOP!!
This chapter is clearer than the last two. So I only have some small errors to iron over.
‘or even having obviously decided on an instrument.’ Does not make sense given the context.
‘Instead, if filed down in the form of stone, they become sealed’ it becomes sealed
I like this part of world building. “which would be used for injuries. When a gargoyle gets a large wound or even a small cut, it does not heal in the flesh like animals’ ones would. Instead, if filed down in the form of stone, they become sealed or scars as opposed to painful gaping areas of flesh. Otherwise the injuries just remain.”
But then at least the goodbye at the end of the party would be more bearable, he supposed. Should be written as “but then at least the goodbye at the end of the party would be more bearable” he supposed. As he thinks it.
But Ana just looked pained downward= looked painfully downward
I envisage that they are at the base of a deep crevice like what forms between ice sheets in the artic or something. I occurred to me while reading that given the darkness they may not be able to see well so you might like to put something in about lighting
Did you know you can order the items within your folders? If you do this it should appear as episode 1 -5 in the margin on the left, sorry other left! As it is, it appears like 3 comes last. If you could it would make it easier for me because I occasionally refer back to the other chapters. It might save you some time later when you have more chapters too.
Great work!
Ooh! Am glad that it's clearer! This one I wrote without my previous notes, so I guess I'm better at writing from my head. World building is my fav, I always want ends to add up tightly.
Erm...I'm still not sure how to do it. In my folder, it all seems to be in the right order, though. That or I'm really thick and am not sure what you mean. I had a look and'll try again as that looks pretty annoying on the side XD
Did you have a merry Christmas? ^U^
Hmmm I had to refind how to do that. Settings tab, profile, portfolio. Then click folder your chapters are in. Then change numbers in order box. Hope that helps
Thank you i had a fantastic Christmas, we didn't eat all the food we got for Christmas Day so we still have treats left over including the Christmas pudding we just had for dessert. I Also got a new writing book where all my first drafts go and it's teal! My previous one was boring black and I finished filling it on Christ mass eve. How about you?
Cool! I think I did it! XD
Which I will be getting with an art desk from the january sales! It may seem unnecesary for just drawing, but I have art, computing and DT GCSEs, so I think I have enough of an excuse to get one! 
Yay! Neither did we! XD Mmmm...Christmas Pudding!
You got a new writing book!?! Oooh! Are you hoping to be posting a story soon? Or if you already have, are you updating it? Either way, I'd love to give your writing a good read! Very convenient that you filled it Christmas Eve!!
As for me, I got loads of soaps and drawing stuff - A HUGE A3 SKETCHBOOK!!! Usually, A3 sketchbooks are half a centimenter thick, with thin paper and 30 pages, but this one has, like, 100!!! Or more! With decent paper, too. I can use my pens and watercolours! I also got a nice blank paged notebook (which you'd think would make it more a scribble pad) that's really cute. Some cooking stuff, knit your own beanie set, chocolate treats, five other sketchbooks that'll be filled by next month, but my main gift will be given later on! As all my stuff needs tonnes of space and one of my brothers is going back to uni later on, I can get my own bedroom!!!
I'm thinking of making a video that'll probably just be on here and my tumblr page that'll have pictures of the characters and their voices playing ( or something similar to what I picture being their voices ) and to be honest, you seem like the only one who'd be interested in it! XD I was just wondering if you think it'd be a good idea, or would you prefer the voices to be left to the imagination? I'M SO INDECISIVE!!! XD
Also the perspective problem is no longer a problem >:D You'll see!!!
Ive PMed you so we dont have clog up the comments