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E - Everyone

At night

by ToxicAnglerFish


A door shut at night

With a plugged in glowing light 

Keeps out the hidden monsters 

You summoned tonight

But as you fall asleep tucked in tight 

You think the door will open with a silent might

So you look up quickly with a paranoid sight 

Only to realize, The door was your mind's fright

You lay as you try to tell yourself everything will be alright

But as you close your eyes

You realize, the door had a crack ever so slight

Even though you closed it tight 

But you hadn't noticed it before

Even with a glowing night 

You know your not alone tonight

Everything is not alright


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22 Reviews


Points: 26
Reviews: 22

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Fri Oct 09, 2020 7:35 am
Ken95 wrote a review...



Hello there. Jen here for a quick review.
It's a nice piece you've put up here.
Before I go on. I'd love to know if this is just fiction or something real?

Anyway. I think you should also work on your punctuations really.

"...your not alone tonight

Everything is not alright"

I think here you should've written "you're" instead of "your".

Over all it's an amazing piece.




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40 Reviews


Points: 51
Reviews: 40

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Tue May 26, 2020 7:10 pm
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Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Hello. This is an enticing poem about the things that go bump into the bight and about how they affect other people's psyche. In order to defend oneself from imagined monsters we often
use nightlights to at as sort of protectors, shining beacons of hope.
I loved how you made things rhyme like "A door shut at night With a plugged in glowing light". These are my favourite lines.

"But as you fall asleep tucked in tight

You think the door will open with a silent might

So you look up quickly with a paranoid sight

Only to realize, The door was your mind's fright

You lay as you try to tell yourself everything will be alright"

I like how you left us wonder if a monster was actually there, with the door opened a crack.




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36 Reviews


Points: 2943
Reviews: 36

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Mon May 11, 2020 10:49 am
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mememimer wrote a review...



A mysterious poem with a twist. I liked the way you try to see things that lead you to think positively (Only to realize, The door was your mind's fright), yet there is still an ugly reality to life that is brought out by you in the second half of the poem. The concept of your writing is good.

Keep on imagining and writing!

Best wishes,
I




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Points: 279
Reviews: 1

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Fri May 01, 2020 3:01 am
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ColonelMembrane wrote a review...



I'm not much of a poet so take my critique with a side of salt. This is a pretty decent poem and is very basic in style. I see how you went with rhyming at least every other line which is pretty common and I can see why people use them. It makes it a lot easier to understand what the poem is about and makes it flow together pretty well. If you're going for a simple style than this is pretty good, but if you want to add more spice and unique flavor to this dish than try utilizing more vocabulary to make it really stand out. I personaly love rhyming poems that use interesting words that aren't used very often. Again, I'm not super into poems but I like this. Keep at it ;)






Thank you! Your criticism is fine! I wanted this poem to be more simple and ambiguous as in the detailing and I don't do rhyming poems often. Thank you though!



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119 Reviews


Points: 10789
Reviews: 119

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Fri May 01, 2020 2:12 am
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Clairia wrote a review...



Hey there, Toxic! I'm Clairia, here to leave you a quick review.

Having a fear of the dark, first of all, is completely normal--or more so, fear of the unknown. We keep telling ourselves that nothing is there, and our logic agrees. But there's just some part of us that questions all rationality, and, surprisingly, we seem to listen to that little voice quite a bit. It was a cool idea to write your fear down; sometimes that can be the best way to fully face it. Well done!

That being said, I noticed that you had quite a few technical issues sprinkled throughout your work. Fortunately, though, since the piece is so short, I'll be able to cover all of them with you!
One specific issue that was reoccurring was that you capitalized the first letter of every line, which isn't grammatically correct. The only instance in which the capitalization would apply would be if the line before it ended with a period. That isn't the case for your work; which, of course, isn't a problem whatsoever! I'd just suggest that you go back and fix the capitalization at the beginning of your lines (save the first one).

I also wanted to note two minor things just so you're aware of them.

You know your not alone tonight

"Your" --> "You're"

The door was your mind's fright

The "t" in "The" should not be capitalized.

Like I told you before, this can all be fixed very quickly! Don't be discouraged; this was a fun read and actually got me thinking about my own fears. I really enjoyed it <3

Best,

Clairia






Thank you!!!




Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— -Apple Inc.