z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

print("Hi")

by StuckOnEarth


[You are sitting at a computer]

[It is dark]

[You've never liked the dark, but this time, you sit in it]

[The computer screen is black, but you notice it emits a strange light]

[You blink, spots dance in your vision, and the screen splits]

[White and black]

[You suck in a breath, goosebumps ripple down your arms]

[You don't know what is happening, you just know that you are not alone...]

print("Hello") 

>Go

[Your knuckles turn white as you grip the desk]

[You did not type these words, yet they appear, and you are afraid]

print("You know me")

print("and I know you")

>Go

[You cannot speak, you choke on your words]

[Because you are afraid]

[You get afraid so easily]

print("Please")

print("I need your help")

>Go

["Who are you?"]

[The words are barely a whisper]

[You are speaking to a computer screen]

print("Help me")

print("Help..me..")

>Go

["You are not real. Leave me alone."]

[Goosebumps ripple up your arms, the hair on your neck rising]

print("I am real")

print("I am r e al")

print("Help me")

>Go

[Your hands fly down to the keyboard and you bang it]

[The sound of the keys clacking and banging flows through the empty house]

["Go away"]

[You sob]

["Leave me alone"]

print("Never never never")

print("Help me")

print("Help msrergeepl,.. . .. .")

>Go

[You stumble up]

[You are even more afraid, and you cannot take it anymore]

[The knife glistens, and it is heavy in your trembling hands]

["Leave me alone"]

[Suddenly, there is blood on the floor]

[You lay in it, gurgling as it burns your throat, and you drown]

[There is no more fear]

[Then you open your eyes]

[You are staring into wide, scared eyes that blink at you in confusion]

[Vision crackles, your fingers twitch at keys]

[print("Save me")]

[>Go]


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User avatar
34 Reviews


Points: 48
Reviews: 34

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Sun Feb 25, 2018 12:55 pm
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Chitz wrote a review...



Hey! Review day is on and so am I.

Amazing man (grins)* * . Don't mind the gender please. Well, the poem is really different or should I say 'unique'. The computer monster idea is really good. And the way you described the whole situation of terror and suspense was amazing.

The format style was something cool and to be noted. Saw it for the first time and is really impressive. The words fit in well and meaning is well laid.
Just didn't got the last part of knife and those staring eyes. Do tell me. I would love to know it.

All in all, its amazing and fun to read.

Hope to read more of you.
Stay awaken, keep writing.

~~chitz.




StuckOnEarth says...


Hello! Thank you for the review, and I'm glad you liked it.^^ The end was supposed to be that the you (the protagonist) went crazy from being stalked by this strange computer monster, as you said, and by killing themself they became the computer monster. The computer monster was the last person who had gone insane, asking for help. A bit dark, I admit. I'm glad you liked it though.^^



Chitz says...


Its a great ending even though its dark. Loved it.



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104 Reviews


Points: 4417
Reviews: 104

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Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:39 am
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Danni88 wrote a review...



Hey SpaceSnickerdoodle! Danni here for a review! Let's get this out of the Green Room.

First off, not sure where the knife come from? No mention of it in the beginning, and I don't see a reason why a creepy computer would drive a person to commit suicide. I can understand your protagonist being scared, but they get a bit too upset.

Secondly, wow, this was good! I really liked the idea. Really creepy and mysterious. A computer that types by itself? Come on, that's total genius.

Thirdly, love the formatting! Really clever, having it like a proper computer - [print("Save me")] instead of just "Save me" - props to you! XD Really clever.

I can't see any grammar errors, so good. The suicide bit was about the only nitpick. Maybe work a little more on that.

Overall, I enjoyed this! Really good, well-written and flows very well. Keep up the good work!

Danni x




StuckOnEarth says...


Hi! I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for the suggestions.^^




“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables