Drowning In The Sky

Out of all your poems, I think I enjoy this one the most because of the mystery in the symbolism that you use. This gives the person reading room to interpret things differently from others, and to really explore what it means to them personally.

From what I understood, the protagonist is obviously suffering. They feel broken, not right, and I associated this with them hiding their true gender, feelings, or personality. Later on in the poem someone else is introduced in an "empty love". I think whatever the protagonist is going through, they're hiding it from this person and then comes a misunderstanding between them and jeopardizing the relationship. It puts the person in pain, hiding, so they wish the other would "look up" and "see them" because they want to convey something. Then when it says "You and me, what you want and what you need" I think what happened is they finally see whats going on, or the protagonist is in a dilemma, a huge choice to make (which I can't fathom), and they give up.

Over all this is a great poem that conveys lots of meaning, the imagery is great, and in-between the lines you can find a broken story. I don't really think I am initialed to give advice because I myself don't really know the standards of a good poem, but I found this one really nice and I hope that's all that really matters.

Out of all your poems, I think I enjoy this one the most because of the mystery in the symbolism that you use. This gives the person reading room to interpret things differently from others, and to really explore what it means to them personally.

From what I understood, the protagonist is obviously suffering. They feel broken, not right, and I associated this with them hiding their true gender, feelings, or personality. Later on in the poem someone else is introduced in an "empty love". I think whatever the protagonist is going through, they're hiding it from this person and then comes a misunderstanding between them and jeopardizing the relationship. It puts the person in pain, hiding, so they wish the other would "look up" and "see them" because they want to convey something. Then when it says "You and me, what you want and what you need" I think what happened is they finally see whats going on, or the protagonist is in a dilemma, a huge choice to make (which I can't fathom), and they give up.

Over all this is a great poem that conveys lots of meaning, the imagery is great, and in-between the lines you can find a broken story. I don't really think I am initialed to give advice because I myself don't really know the standards of a good poem, but I found this one really nice and I hope that's all that really matters.

Thanks for sharing this poem which expresses a deep, nebulous, psychological discomfort compared to drowning, falling and suffocating. The poem does succeed in conveying the confusion and unease experienced without providing specifics.

But since its purpose is to express a confused, non-specific feeling, then providing details would weaken the effect. As a reader, I enjoyed the play of words change of rhythm that characterizes spontaneously-written or spoken rap.

My favorite part is where the speakers asks her to look up in the air and she’ll see him there just hovering. LOL! Understood it as an indication that the person is being ignored. Maybe the person is the one who is loved in an empty way. That is also left for the reader to conjecture about.

The goodbye at the end seems to indicate that the speaker will resolve the situation by simply breaking off the relationship with the lip-biter. The style is obviously your poetic choice as is the lack of punctuation. Very entertaining read!

Hello! I really liked this poem. I would like to say: usually I don't like the "artsy" stylistic formatting some poets use for certain words, such as crossing them out (or capitalizing certain letters in the word like you did), but in this poem I really liked that aspect of it. It emphasized the right words at the right time and gave them a broken feel. Nice job!

My interpretation:

I interpreted it as someone in a relationship they don't want to be in. Possibly a person struggling with sexuality and morals/family/religion? They need the high of the relationship too "get up in the air", but the more they do it, the worse they feel. Or perhaps they're so desperate for love that they would rather put all of themselves into an empty relationship rather than break it off.

That was probably all wrong, but that's how I read it.

Suggestions:

Consider changing, "And I don't feel like me," to, "I don't feel like me,". I don't really feel like "and" has any purpose or adds anything to it.

In the lines, "Nothing is worse then this," and, "Nothing hurts worse then this empty love," you used "then", when it should have been "than". "Than" is used for comparison, "Then" is used as an adjective/adverb.
Ex.
"See you then."
"Nothing is worse than english grammar."
A helpful link: https://writingexplained.org/then-vs-than-difference
Yes, I did look it up (I'm not the best at grammar, forgive me writing gods). I'm not very good at explaining grammar, sorry if this makes it 90x more confusing.

Consider changing, "You and me, what you want and what you need" to, "You and me, what you want, what you need". I feel it has better flow (in my biased opinion).

My favorite lines! I had more than one in your poem, so let's look, shall we?

"The empty air is full of water

Brother, mother, father

d A u Gh Ter"

Ooh, I like that rhyme. And look at you being all artsy, and me actually enjoying it! This one made me have happy, poetry, rhyming feelings of joy.

"She bites my lip, it starts to bleed"

Is "She" a vampire? Just kidding, I just really enjoyed this imagery.

"I am breathing in water as I float

I'm a sinking hull, a broken boat"

I enjoyed the emotion and comparison in this one.

Overall, good job! I really enjoyed this poem. It has a nice tone to it. Keep writing!

ella