Better Without You

Thanks for sharing this poem. The poem has a nice smooth flow to it that makes reading it a pleasant experience. The rhythm and short lines go well with the emotions being expressed.


I agree, not easy to see someone who has tricked us via hypocrisy and then dumped us thriving, that's for sure. It is as if the person is being rewarded for doing us in. As if insult is added to injury. What we really are hoping for is some evidence that the person who hurt us is somehow paying for what he or she or he did. Then we could write a letter of triumph instead. A letter that we then would want the person to read.

suggestion:

This is a letter

I hope you'll never read

Thanks for sharing this poem. The poem has a nice smooth flow to it that makes reading it a pleasant experience. The rhythm and short lines go well with the emotions being expressed.


I agree, not easy to see someone who has tricked us via hypocrisy and then dumped us thriving, that's for sure. It is as if the person is being rewarded for doing us in. As if insult is added to injury. What we really are hoping for is some evidence that the person who hurt us is somehow paying for what he or she or he did. Then we could write a letter of triumph instead. A letter that we then would want the person to read.

suggestion:

This is a letter

I hope you'll never read

This is really good!

I like how your poem became a sort of quasi letter. I thought it was clever how you injected hellos every now and then into your poem as if you were waiting to hear a response. It was interesting how you are almost trying to convince yourself that you are indeed "better without" the person you are writing the "letter" for. I definitely think the structure of your poem is its most unique aspect.

Hi! Temptress here! To give you a quick review!

Let's get started, shall we?

First of all, I really enjoyed the poem and overall I thought it was really good. I can't really say that I can or can't relate to it, but I have noticed someone did relate to it. Personally, I think it's good to write about things your readers can relate to. Even if the poem, short story, etc is personal to your life and or experiences.

One thing I noticed before I read the poem was that you capitalized the first letter of the first word on each line. Me personally wouldn't have done this. ( I have before though so don't feel bad) If I had of wrote this, I would have stanzad it, but that may not be your style of writing and that's perfectly okay! Each writer has their own type of writing style.

Once again I really enjoyed the poem and I look forward to reading more of your works!

Until next time!

~Temptress~

I really, really relate to this. Quick story, my ex boyfriend left me (he had to, but he left all the same) after not really being who I needed him to be for months... Needless to say, this really hit home with me and I like how you handled the subject.

Suggestions:
-Maybe don't capitalize each line? I know most programs do it automatically, but it looked at first as if it might be an acrostic (clearly it isn't).

-Possibly separate into stanzas, perhaps before every "hello?"

Other than those, make sure there's no feelings you left out. A special thing about this is that so so many people will be able to relate on some kind of level, so really just go for it with all the feels!

Also, I hope you're alright and I'm so glad you're writing about this experience. It's always tough, but hey, there's a silver lining and billions of people to look for for support.

I spotted a few typos (kow instead now, etc.) In the line 'I supposed it's grown on me', I believe it would sound better as suppose (or that might just be a typo and it was supposed to be 'suppose' all along). I like the letter format of the poem and the repetition of checking in to make sure they're not there, just make sure it doesn't get too repetitive. I really enjoyed reading it!

@GodHatesMason, @TheBlueCat, @WhosabellCanWrite