Waves
Blue as the sky, yet deeper
Whirling, foamy depths
The glistening backs of magnificent creatures
They break across the water
A utopia under the clouds
Breathing in the salt, my hair
Flowing like the tentacles of the kraken
Dangerous, beautiful
A feeling of freedom
It ripples across me like the waves underneath me
Crashing against the hull, thunder noises
Once the waves stop, soon
The silence will be broken only by the song of the gulls
All is well on the ocean
All is free, alive
The breath of each animal, the feeling of each wave
Never-ending, open, wide
Breathing
[Authors Note: Sorry, I'm getting over writers block but I wanted to get my first poem/story out so I can start writing more. Hope you like it!]
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139,759 Literary Works • 672,714 Reviews
Hi! Izzy here for a review!
This is a very deep poem! I like how you used your words. You used commas in weird places, and the wording could have been different. Maybe use more descriptive language to create an image in the readers mind and to get the point across.
Overall, good job! And I know, writers block suckkksssss!
Hope you are well,
Izzy
Thanks! I'll take your advice into consideration.
I think you have some really good ideas to work with here. The imagery and diction is beautiful- it really captures the sea!
I would challenge you to think of a way to incorporate a deeper meaning to the poem as to why you love the ocean. That being said, those kinds of things are very hard to capture when going through and coming out of writer's block.
If you can, perhaps spend some time by the sea, or find a way to feel like you're there. Just relax. Sometimes overthinking is a writer's worst enemy. You have everything you need to create what you want to, just try access that super writing power!
Thank you! This poem was mainly to get out of writers block, and I will probably take your advice into consideration. Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for sharing this vivid description. Good to know that you are overcoming writer's block. Lots of imagery is good since that's one aspect that separates poetry from mere prose. I enjoyed the descriptions of the ocean and the sound of waves against a hull. Assuming that the poem is striving to convince the reader or persuade the reader into viewing the sea in the same way that the author does, here is my reaction as a reader.
Suggestions:
Perhaps it's best not to claim that "All is well in the ocean." Readers will recall the sharks and orcas and their predation and will wonder how all is well.
Also, describing the tentacles of a Kraken as beautiful doesn't ring right. Snakish things cause fear and not admiration of beauty. So most readers will immediately tend to disagree.
The song of gulls at the end drew a blank since I have never heard a gull. Perhaps an adjective to provide a more specific auditory description of the sound might help.
Please note that all the above can be easily modified by using different creatures and by not making a controversial claim.
Thank's for the advice! I'll definitely use it in later poems.