[Unedited]
I guess your knife
Is not like my knife
The way I thought before
I realized this
Because no matter how shallow you cut me
It always leave a scar, so deep
But no matter how hard I cut myself
No matter how much I bleed
No matter how angry I get
It fades
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
Thanks for sharing. I like how the poem uses a kife, cutting, sharpness and scars to convey a truth. That others are often very capable of hurting us deeply in comparison to how we hurt ourselves. The poem tells us that sometimes we might think there is no difference in ability to hurt. After reading it I wondered whether that wee true in all cases. Whether indeed we might not be able to betray ourselves in such away that leaves deeper scars than anyone else can inflict. I reached the conclusion that in the case of this speaker in relation to the person he is addressing it is his personal truth.
suggestion:
"It always [leaves]....”
"....how [deeply] I cut...."
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, first thing I notice is that a ton of commas are missing. Commas are need after the lines "I guess your knife", "Because no matter how shallow you cut me", "It always leave a scar, so deep", "But no matter how hard I cut myself", "No matter how much I bleed" and "No matter how angry I get". Thats it, for nit picks and such.
The meaning, well, your talking about self harm Doodle. Please, please please please, PLEASE. Don't harm yourself. No matter what a person says to you or does, please don't. Your gonna be okay. If you need to talk, I am here. Just PM me. Me and Grim are here to talk. I promise.
*Grim looks over*
We got you Doodle, we got you.
Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanks- WAIT, MERRY CHRISTMAS, I CAN SAY THAT NOW! OR HAPPY HANUKA! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you! ((Seriously, if you are having troubles, PM and I will let you rant till your fingers are only bone))
Hiya! ^^ Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely use it later. And yes, I'm talking about self-harm. Don't worry, I haven't done it in a couple of days, but unfortunately, it's still something I struggle with :/. I will PM you if I need to. Thank you! <3 (Say hi to Grimm for me.)
*Grim looks over* DOODLE! HI!
Well, he's happy to see you! Please, PM if you need to talk. Even if its about something small.
Hey there! Thought I'd leave you with a quick review.
Firstly, I really enjoyed your poem. It is true, the scars left by others always seem to be deeper then the ones we leave on ourselves. I love that this appears (in my interpretation at least) to have two meaning, that being the emotional scars we have, and also the physical ones.
My only suggestion:
Doesn't really flow well to me.
And the repetition of "no matter how" when it is only the last few lines, throws off the rhythm as well (in my opinion).
Lastly, I would like to say that it truly does get better, and there are coping methods to dealing with trauma: If this in anyway reflects your thoughts as person.
Overall, I love this short lyrical poem. It is truly relatable and speaks a truth I too have come to realize. I hope you keep writing poetry, as I enjoyed this poem
Keep writing,
-Katja
Thank you! ^^
These lyrics rhyme very infrequently,
so you probably won't get a good melody.
These lyrics vary syllablicly,
so nothing will fit rhythmically.
It'll have to rely on creativity
in order to fit musically.
I do not doubt your ability
I'm just expressing difficulty.
Thanks for the advice. XD Nice rhyming.
Thanks.