spring into spring,
fall into fall.
i've always thought of myself more as a spring:
optimistic, eager to bounce back,
resilient.
(though really, what challenges have i faced?
...i know, i'm spoiled. i try to be grateful, but i
forget.)
funny how fall is my favorite season.
rain falls from the sky, leaves fall from the trees,
i fall back, at ease
as i sip hot cocoa and listen
and inhale petrichor.
◊◊◊
april showers bring may flowers.
but flowers wilt and fade
and are left nothing but a fleeting memory,
if they are remembered at all.
i am guilty of killing flowers.
neglect, usually.
i
forget.
◊◊◊
at the end of a rainbow, there is a pot of gold.
what would i do with gold?
i have everything i need.
...that's not true.
funny thing about humans:
we always want more.
◊◊◊
and we weather the seasons,
as the seasons weather us.
we season the weather,
the weather seasons us.
and every year,
i
forget.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,758 Reviews
MINT UGH why did I not read this WAY SOONER? Dude, your poetry is really pleasant to read. I read through the entire thing without losing focus, which doesn't happen all the time. You know how sometimes you tell someone that their poem was SO GOOD and you actually really truly feel it deep down in your heart and all you want is to study their poetry even more so you can continue to learn and grow as a poet? Yes, well that is exactly how I feel right now.
Okay to begin, I like how you went through the different seasons with these quotes that we all know. I loved how you created these personalities for every season and connected your life to it, while speaking to us in such a cool tone. For example:
We go from your observations about external interactions, to your internal thoughts and observations. And we mention that forgetting. Which is something you come back to later too. You really ask, "Do I deserve to call myself resilient? What have I gone through that makes me worthy?" But I find it interesting how later in the poem you talk about how we, as humans, always want more. It's funny how you literally mirror that with your thoughts about yourself. Almost think that you need more experience, more reasons, more pain, in order to be resilient. But, it will never be enough, will it?
I want to point out your use of the word 'petrichor'. I just love that word. Instantly, I smell that pavement rain smell. And instantly I feel connected and safe in a way.
As soon as I finish this review, I am going to write some poetry because this exact phrase inspired me so much. I liked the layout. It almost looks like a flower slowly withering, taking its final breath, then falling flat to the ground. The smallness felt unsettling in a way. I myself am also a plant neglect murderer. RIP Baselle.
I love how you finish my going back to the 'i forget' phrase one last time at the very end. I love how you spaced it out. Because I had almost forgotten about it from the first time before you said it again. Then I was like WHOA I FORGOT. and that just made me want to cry. Overall, this ppoem was spectacular- my favorite so far!! Cant wait to read more!!
Your friend,
Ellie
Ahh Ellie, thank you for the kind review!! You're gonna make me blush omg XD
:O This is such a deep, true connection. Woah.
Yes!! Petrichor is such a cool word ^-^
RIP Baselle :') Shall be fondly remembered.
Thanks again! <3
Hey, mint! :3 Ley here to review this awesome piece for you!
Firstly, let me just say, I really loved this poem and now I wanna go and read your other ones! This one is so unique and flowed so smoothly.
First impressions... I was super impressed by the formatting, how you separated the stanzas and some of them look different than others. I love how this poem isn't symmetric-- which is ironic because neither are the seasons!
When I was reading this I felt... Cozy, festive...nostalgic, for some reason? This poem reminded me of my childhood, when I used to actually see the seasons. It seems like as you get older, the seasons get duller and duller.
My favorite line/quote is... I chose these two stanzas because I had to reread it three times and when I finally understood it, I was like--"oh that's clever!"
It's a tongue-twister. I dare you to try and say it three times in a row:
It makes the reader stop, and take in the last stanza!
Some things I would change would be... Absolutely nothing! I love how you ended the poem, how you started it. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes, but then again, it's kind of hard to grade poetry on grammar.
Overall... You really impressed me with this poem! It's a powerful, cozy, and emotion-filled narrative on the seasons. Happy Writing! :]
With Love,
Leya
Ah thanks for the review, Ley!!
Ooh interesting reactions! I love seeing how different people interpret the same poem :] Now that I read it again, I do notice that sense of nostalgia (i feel like it's there especially in the stanza about fall).
Hahaha yeah it's cool that "weather" and "season" are both verbs and nouns ;D
Thanks again for the review!! Have a wonderful day/night! ^-^
┊┊╭━╮┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊
━━╋━╯┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊┊
┊┊┃┊╭━┳╮╭┓┊╭╮╭━╮
╭━╋━╋━╯┣╯┃┊┃╰╋━╯
╰━╯┊╰━━╯┊╰━┛┊╰━━
I absolutely adore this line specifically, but if I'm honest, this entire work is a masterpiece. As I keep reading poetry without rhyming, it inspires me to explore this, especially when I come across pieces like this. I have got to make commentary lines/sections here because this is SO good.
1-2: Immediately interesting, immediately sets the tone.
3-5: Personifying spring nicely. We have the theme elaborated more. I also think of myself this way, but never would have thought that until I read this!
6-8: Recognizing the privilege of limited challenges is nice. Knowing your age from your profile, you have a long way to go and hopefully you can keep your "spring." Pun / double entendre intended •ᴗ•
7-11: Fall is also my favorite! Your use of words through multiple meanings is so nice like hot cocoa on an autumn day when the breeze shifts to cold.
12 / 20: You have used very commonly known phrases and then tied them into new meanings. Bravo!
13-15: THIS! I love the word choices to build this section.
16-19: I also forget. Poor flowers! Let us remember them below.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣶⣶⡦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⠟⠉⠉⠉⢿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢀⣴⡾⠛⠛⠭⢟⣕⣄⣾⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⡎⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢏⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠹⡿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⣠⣟⡡⠤⢄⣀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠈⠻⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⣿⣿⣢⡾⠋⠉⠉⠉⠓⠒⢵⣆⠀
⠀⠀⣀⣬⠻⠷⢶⣤⡯⠀⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣧
⢀⣾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⢘⣇⣀⣀⣠⣾⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟
⣯⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢛⣿⠛⠉⠙⢿⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣶⠞⠁
⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠈⢯⢫⡉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀
⠙⡷⣄⡀⠀⢀⡤⡺⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠈⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⠘⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⣤⣀⣤⣖⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
21-25: A very true revelation.
26-29: You already know my feelings for this, but I must emphasis again the magnificence there. This really showcases your double meanings for words and their contexts. True wordery here (wizardry + words).
30-33: Ditto. Every rotation around the sun is treated as if there is new within the old.
This is by far my favorite piece I've come across as of late. Kudos!
Wishing you well wherever you are in the world!
╔═.♥.══════╗
With love, a
╚══════.♥.═╝
Hey ariah!!
Thanks for the kind review <3
Yes! I love making new things from old/commonly-known ones. :]
Aww thank you <3 Wordery sounds amazing xD
Hope you are well as well! Thanks again!
Hi, Spearmint! Poetry is my favorite to read, and ur work is no exception! It simultaneously possess the calm, comforting feeling inherent to any nature poem but it’s also accompanied with deeper themes of change and guilt. I suppose I’d like to just review my favorite parts from every stanza!
First, the lines “what challenges have I faced? I know I’m spoiled.” are extremely relatable. Sometimes, the lack of a noted physical challenge can make people think there isn’t anything someone’s struggling with, but even in the absence of some horrible tragic event there is always something people are dealing with. It can easily affect our own sense of self as well because it’s like we have to deal with enough pain to justify feeling bad.
Second, the timid guilt in the lines “ I am guilty of killing flowers/neglect usually/I/forget.” is a gut-punch to read (in a good way ). I love what these lines insinuate, personally I see some of the apathy of depression. The somber recognition that apathy led to the pain of others or flowers in this case.
Third, “I have everything I need/ …that’s not true” is such a resigned recognition of human nature. It caused me to ponder because I far prefer to believe humans to be naturally good, but doesn’t at least the thought of greediness exist to some degree in all of us? Maybe, the desire for more exists in all of us but the choice to do better/ be self-less is what makes us good people.
Lastly, the entire final stanza is very moving and impactful to read. You’re saying the ways in which nature and the passing of time and the world changes us yet also imply that we change the world around us (“the weather seasons us”.)
Overall, I love the poem, and it holds a lot of depth to it!
Hi PersephonesGarden!
Thank you so much for the review!! ^-^
YES. This is exactly what I was trying to convey. :')
Thank you ^^ and omg, "timid guilt" is such a good phrase.
Yes, I prefer to think of humans as generally good as well, though sometimes I question that. ;-; But oooh, I love your interpretation of the choice to be better instead of succumbing to greed as being what makes us good people.
Woah, I didn't even think of this xD Your review has made me consider my poem more deeply, which is something I love about poetry and discussing it with others! Thank you so so much <3
The lines, "i am guilty of killing flowers. / neglect, usually. / i / forget." was very hard hitting with that progression, especially with the "i forget" becoming a refrain throughout the poem. Overall, an interesting take on seasons as a metaphor for how we pass through time told through different common idiomatic phrases. Nicely written!
ah i very much appreciate your comment, alliyah!! <3 (those are my favorite lines too ;))