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Pancakes: Part 1

by Spearmint, MapleWay


Pancakes

Looking at this plate of pancakes

a lonely meal for one

I can't help but think of Saturday mornings

when I was seven and my family

would rise after the sun

and mix and match and make a mess

of the lumpy pancake batter.

And we would crumble in eggshells

sometimes on accident, sometimes not

but either way the crunchy pancakes

tasted like sunlight through the window

golden and slightly sweet.

~~~

Coffee

I scowl at the solitary cup of coffee

next to the plate.

It brings back memories of when I was ten.

My dad and I would sit at the table

me with my bowl of cereal,

him with his cup of coffee.

We would talk about how much fun we were

going to have and how great it was going to be.

We each had a grin so big and wide on our faces.

About an hour later the news comes.

"Hey bud. I don't think I'm going to be up for it today,"

he says. "Maybe next week?"

It was fake.

The smile, the laughs, the promises.

All fake.

That was the first straw of many.

The first cut.

The first bruise.

~~~

Day-old pizza

The slice of pizza mocks me

with limp vegetables and unappetizing cheese.

I know I should warm it up or something

but I just can't make myself care.

I'm used to cold pizza, anyway.

I ate it when I was naive and thirteen

slowly realizing that my family wasn't perfect.

We were more like

a burnt crust covered by a thin layer of sauce

that silently slides off the piece of pizza.

Just like the toppings,

my family was slipping too.


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38 Reviews


Points: 811
Reviews: 38

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Wed Apr 07, 2021 2:00 am
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NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey!

First of all, lemme just say I loved how you associate a broken family with food. The idea of a solitary coffee mug instead of the laughter of all your loved ones is beautifully depressing.

I really liked the ending, how you describe the family as a slice of pizza with the toppings slipping away slowly.

This part was also really nice:
"Hey bud. I don't think I'm going to be up for it today,"

he says. "Maybe next week?"

It was fake.

The smile, the laughs, the promises.

All fake.

On the whole, I really loved this poem.

Keep writing,




Spearmint says...


Hi NivedaJames, thanks for the review!! I'm glad you liked the food comparison! ^-^ Ooh and in case you missed it, this is actually just the first part of the poem-- you can read the second part here! Thanks again!! :D



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Points: 28
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Wed Apr 07, 2021 12:51 am
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orbiteliza wrote a review...



Hi! Here to drop a quick review.

Let me say I'm not the best at poetry, so my review will probably be a little bit scuffed. Let's dive in.

I really loved reading this. The food theme initially was a bit daunting. I was like, Woah, okay. But as I read it made sense, and I'm really glad that you chose this specifically. Combating darker topics with lighter themes can help the reader connect, and in this case, it worked. Food is really just a big part of many memories and childhood.

I don't think I have any complaints or things to critique. Maybe some of the sections with dialogue could have been more concrete—for example: "Hey bud. I don't think I'm going to be up for it today,"

he says.

That's probably just the website being formatted weirdly and cutting things off. But aside from that, this is phenomenal! Going to go read the second part. Please keep writing poetry!




Spearmint says...


Thanks for the review, orbiteliza!! And yay, it's nice to hear that the food theme made sense! ^-^ @MapleWay and I will definitely keep writing!! :D



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51 Reviews


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Reviews: 51

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Wed Apr 07, 2021 12:01 am
Spearmint says...



Check out the second part here! ^-^
Pancakes: Part 2





Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe