birdcalls into the void
(includes: pancakes and a guest appearance by fate)
(also includes the h e double hockey sticks word!!)
free as a bird; light as a feather
but are birds free? wet feathers weigh them down
somehow they are graceful
like the void: elegant, eternal, endless
(yet the void has its limits)
pancakes are also elegant
but nobody remembers them
they are only small circles within grander ones
unlike birds, pancakes are not free
there is always a price
and a grander scheme
fathomless designs, manipulating us
a geometric hell i bear with
featherless arms outstretched
(chosen by fate,
you walk this world, but
ending up yearning for something more)
neither you nor i can find the end of a circle
but i'll always come back for you
even if it doesn't fill the void
it'll at least
fill me
(like pancakes)
~
unlike fate, i trust you
roll a die. 6 possibilities. which do you desire?
start conversation. no predictions. what will be the outcome?
if we leave it all up to chance,
will fate stay out the matter?
(or will fate meddle, like always?)
spinning a wheel
the sections blur
like psychadellic tears
(like the ones you shed? no. like mine.)
i hope to gain
something. nothing? everything.
somewhere, nowhere, everwhere.
invisible strands that connect us / bind us / trap us.
stupid beings that divide us / love us / tease us.
(if fate is the enemy, chance is the antihero.)
we worship lady luck,
we court fortune,
but can they be as cruel as fate?
(yes, whispers the tantalizing promise of happiness.)
i hope they watch over us,
because despite the fear of being monitored,
i feel comfort.
(comfort like spinning a die,
knowing the outcome will bring promise)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,758 Reviews
Birdcalls Into the Void
Pancakes? Where did the pancakes come in? The scenery in my head went WOOOSH YOU THOUGHT. The image flipped! I was nice and comfy with the idea of birds. Never been a fan of pancakes, and the picture you are trying to paint is certainly absurd. Pancakes ain't free? That's a new one. Cross it off the bucket list, why don't you. You should have added "humor" To the genre, because that threw me off. Nice job connecting something so immature with something so serious. Totally paints a colorful picture!
Unlike Fate, I Trust You
Oh my God.
I couldn't have done better.
I was honestly surprised to find myself enjoying that poem.
I am usually picky with what I read (hence my always-low points) But that actually sounded pretty catchy! And instead of humorous like the last one, it sounds like you were trying to put serious feeling. Humorous is fine, too, but I feel like the intention to not be funny in the second poem was needed. It sounded great! Keep it up!
Thanks so much for the review, AkiraEliza!! ^-^
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
well hello @teatiime and @Spearmint I have to admit, the name of this made me laugh! I love it
To start off, i loved this little warning at the beginning XD
Let's get right into it as I enjoy imaginary pancakes
I love the use of e-letter words, the statement that even the void has limits is something that also caught my eye. I wonder what it symbolizes.
ahhh i love this so much! Pancakes can be wonderful when you enjoy them. But yes, we don't remember them individually. We do not remember each bite we took or how each pancake was different than the rest
these lines really stood out to me as well:
well hello Mr/Mrs. Fate! I love this idea of being chosen by fate. Who we are, what we work towards, and our ultimate destiny is selected by our Fate friend. We walk the paths of life, praying, hoping, searching for more.
this is an epic ending! the ending makes me feel that the Void is a sense of emptiness that we all feel inside, the things we want but do not have, the goals we let go, the times we mess up and fall short, and who we want to be. It seems that we always find a way to return to fate, begging him for more. And yes, this fills us (like pancakes) in a way that we may not remember, but it is enough to get by.
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
I read this poem about 5 times at least and I am having trouble finding specifics to comment on, but there was one section that was a little unclear to me.
I am curious who you "you and I" are in this case. Is it the writer and reader? And when you state "i'll always come back for you" are you referring to fate? I was a little confused. I have a couple interpretations but was not completely sure if these two sentences were meant to be one thought or separate statements
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I loved the emotions that were felt at the end of the poem.
I already mentioned this earlier, but it gives me such a sense of "good enough to get by but not what I truly desire", if that makes any sense. Overall, Mint and Tea, i thought this was a lovely poem that was both deep and amusing to read
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Lovely poem, friends!! Such amazing work!! I enjoyed this greatly
Your friend,
Ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
thank you :3
Thank youuu for the review, Ellie and Vladimir!! ^-^
Whoa what a coincidence cuz I love them too?!? =P
Yess Fate is a common theme in tea's poems (poetries)!
That makes perfect sense! Thank you so much for sharing your interpretation with us
I hope you have a spook-tastical day too!! ^w^
yayy poetries
poetries!!