I’ve heard that
The grass is greener on the other side but
I think this is the other side so
Now that I’m here what do I do?
The days are long here
And I don’t know how to fill them
I suppose this place could be considered paradise
Sandy beaches and bubbling brooks
Sunny forests and rolling fields
Time is fluid here
Like the waves that slide onto the sand
Drawing back and pushing forward
Over and over and over again
I don’t know how long I’ve been here
Or how long I’m gonna stay
I mean, it’s not a bad place to be
It’s just that the days are all the same
Days of pleasant monotony
Idyllic boredom
A peaceful humdrum life
It’s true that
The grass is greener here
On the other side, but
Maybe some yellow-brown
Wouldn’t be bad either
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This is a really nice poem. I like the imagery in this.
First of all, "the grass is greener on the other side." What other side are we on? Could It be happiness while we're in sadness? Love while we're in pain? The idea of grass represents growth. We're growing up, getting older, and we don't where we are. We know that time is coming after us, but we don't know if yet. We don't know that time is a long way towards where we are in the future.
"The days are long here / And I don't know how to fill them." Time is very long, and you aren't aware of it. You're willing to go forward, but you can't. You're too worried about your own life and don't know anything about yourself. You can't fill in the gaps because time is coming after you and will bite you in the back. You need to grow up to understand that, and you haven't realized it yet.
"Time is fluid" because it's a rollercoaster. Sometimes you have bad days, and other times you have good. It all matters on how you're feeling that day. You don't feel ashamed, you're getting into the nitty-gritty of things. You need to realize that someday you'll grow up, learn to behave like yourself, and know people.
I really like the repetition of "the grass is greener here" in the first and last stanza becuase it helps establish a common flow/ theme throughout the poem. It shows personal growth and development, along with the idea that growing older means you've either found yourself or forgotten about yourself. It doesn't matter because all you're worried about is yourself rather than other people.
Overall, this poem is a really good insight into the fear of growing up and missing out, as well as the realization that life isn't so bad after all. 5/5
Hey beatlesfreak, thanks for the review!!
I like your questions and musings here! I meant it to be the generic "other side" in the saying, as in any situation that seems better than one's present one, but I suppose readers can add their own meanings to it ^^
Hmm these seem like a bit of a stretch to me. What in particular led you to these interpretations? What are the "gaps" you refer to?
True, that! When writing this poem, though, I meant for the apparent fluidity of time to show more of the narrator's boredom. No notable events happen, so there isn't anything to mark the passage of time by, and so it feels shapeless and fluid.
Thanks!
Thanks again for the review, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
Hey Mint!! I was searching for some poems to read tonight and I thought, no better place to search than Mint's profile! So here we are
I decided to leave a little review for you too:
To Begin: I love how the first and last stanza are parallel in some ways. We begin by talking about how...
The grass is always greener on the other side. A quote that is pretty popular to say, meaning that things will always be better somewhere else and that we, as humans, will never be fully satisfied with what we have in our lives. Sometimes we go through something really hard and we think "I just need to get through this and things will be better". Well... then we get through them... and things still suck. I like the simplicity of this verse and how you end with that questions. It echoes something that we hear a a lot in life, but goes deeper to say the words that we are too afraid to actually say.
And like I was saying, I love how you return to these beginning thoughts in the last stanza:
Maybe its not greener, but hopefully it is at least yellow-brown. Nice job playing with these colors, being able to express such vast possibilities for what they could represent to an individual, without being overly detailed. I noticed throughout the poem that you do an incredible job with the flow and making pleasant sentences. Just saying them out loud makes it so much better.
I think this was my favourite part. It feels like that a lot in life. We get through hard things and then we are just... chilling. It is not unbearable, it is tolerable, but it's not exciting enough to be somewhere you want to stay forever. We are not overly motivated to go or stay. Almost like the tide you describe and the sand and the air- It all moves with its own accord, free, but constrained by the forces of... life, I guess. I found this poem to be very lovely to read. Very easy, but it makes me think so much. Fantastic work, my friend! It is late, but I am looking forward to reading the rest of your older poetry tomorrow
Have an amazing night and keep being groovy!!
Your friend,
Ellie- Deep Sink Enthusiast
Ahhh I am honored to receive a review from the Halloween queen and Deep Sink Enthusiast herself! ;D
These are such good observations alkdnfowaen :3 I don't think I was thinking that deeply when I wrote this lol, but I see it differently after hearing your thoughts!
Yessss, you said it so poetically!
Thank you again and I hope you have a marvelous night too!! ^-^
Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!
This was a very neat poem! It had a lot to offer! I loved the plot and the overall lesson you shared! People want their lives to be perfect and amazing but what they don't realize is that if that was the case, it wouldn't be life. It would be like a simulation. Life wouldn't have any flavor.
I want to touch upon this quote for two main reasons. One, the imagery was fantastic. And two... The word bubbling brooks is just really fun to say XD
Anyways great poem! Really enjoyed reading it!
- Maple
Ah thanks so much for the review, Maple!! =D
Hehe yup, for sure!! C:
XD Glad you enjoyed my poem, and thanks again!! ^-^
Hello! Hannah here for a quick review. I'm so excited, this was so good! You have much potential as a writer.
Glows:
Oh my gosh, this was amazing! Descriptive, detailed, formatted well. I love how you put the stanzas! And the theme was nice. I can't wait to here more from you! My favorite stanza was this:
The days are long here
And I don’t know how to fill them
I suppose this place could be considered paradise
Sandy beaches and bubbling brooks
Sunny forests and rolling fields
It was so descriptive and painted a beautiful word picture!
Grows:
Nothing really, I just think you could maybe work on the last line:
"Wouldn't be bad either"
I hope to hear more from you! Please, please keep writing, and have a great day!
Hannah
Hi Hannah! Thanks for your kind review
It's nice to hear that you liked that stanza, and I'll definitely be revising the last part. Anyways, I hope you have a great day too!
This poem is very creative and abstract. Instead of the narrator longing for paradise, they are already there however they don't know what to make of it. That feeling of pleasant emptiness.
My favourite stanza was:
'The days are long here
And I don’t know how to fill them
I suppose this place could be considered paradise
Sandy beaches and bubbling brooks
Sunny forests and rolling fields'
It is full of imagery and characterises the world around you.
However, I thought that the last line was good, but did not sync up in terms of the rhyming scheme. If you could rearrange some words in that stanza so that you could keep the end but maintain the rhyming structure, I think that this would be more effective, but that's completely up to you.
I enjoyed reading this poem.
Hey, thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem ^o^
And yeah, I agree that the last line doesn't fit quite right. I'll keep working on it; rearranging the stanza is a good idea.
I'm glad that I could help