tapping on silver keys
;semicolons;
[brackets] |bar the way|
logic gates
if only life was fair, huh?
if only good people got what they deserved
and bad people did too
and the world was logical
like a computer.
(but we should know better.
people cannot be split into
true / false
the way booleans can.)
(parentheses) and %percent signs% unite
punctuation unions
we scroll on screens
how long 'til we hear ourselves scream?
we're screening out what we don't want to see.
((echo chambers.))
{curly braces} wrap around \backslashes\
escape
but hitting the escape key
doesn't free us from reality.
what must we
be?
(we are not just #s. we are not just data
collected from trackers on the web.
we are more than %s, than statistics,
than probabilities than consumers
than $$$)
aren't we?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hi mint! Hope you’re doing well! I’m here to review your poem
General Impressions
My first impression was that the shape of the poem is quite visually distinct. It looks jagged and pointy, almost, with all the non-alphanumeric characters. The number of question marks made me think this was either going to be a rhetorically forceful poem or a contemplative one. I also expected it to have more of a staccato rhythm.
When I got into it, there turned out to be more rhymes than expected. It sort of reads like it could be a slam or spoken word poem (only if it were, the symbols wouldn’t be conveyed the way they are now, and I do think the symbols add character and emphasis to the piece).
This poem had me thinking and reading quite slowly, line by line. There seemed to be implicit comparisons between image and idea that I took some time to make sense of, but are interesting and make sense when you connect the pieces.
The title is also clever – I read it as ‘not just a number’
Themes and Interpretation
I think the themes I can read into this are 1. The nature of humanity and 2. Reductionism and 3. The effects of the Internet on sociality.
1. The nature of humanity – The end of the poem seems to show the speaker’s doubt that human beings are more complex than computers or computation. The interesting thing about the poem (and this relates to the first two themes) for me is that the speaker seems to answer their own question. They say people can’t be reduced to numbers in the fourth stanza, but they also wish things were that simple, which could say something about the speaker’s nature and the nature of people. (?) That was the interpretation I had after thinking through it the second time, anyway.
2. Reductionism – The code analogies seem to point towards the idea that people are being reduced to just numbers and that this oversimplifies what people are like. Later stanzas also convey how companies reduce human beings to the profit they can make off of them.
3. Internet and sociality – The poem also seems to convey how the Internet affects how people relate to one another in the stanza that begins “we scroll on screens”. Even though people are meant to be more than true/false, right or wrong, creating echo chambers online can force people to think in that binary.
Another thing I noticed was the “what must we be” line in stanza 8. To me it seemed kind of ambiguous – are we being asked i) what must we be to escape? Or ii) what must we be instead of escaping?
Structure
I liked the consistent use of round brackets to separate the counterpoint to the main speaker. The stanzas with round brackets stood out, so I could see that they were meant to provide opposing arguments, in a sense.
I also liked the subtle alliteration in this stanza:
I thought it led well into the more emphasised, obvious end-rhymes that came later:
Another thing I thought was good about the structure that while there were sometimes abrupt lines, I could still find meaning in them because of the surrounding context. That way the abrupt and short lines could reflect the aesthetics of programming languages but still fit with the flow of the poem.
For example, having the ‘escape reality’ part come after the ‘echo chambers’ part made me think there was an implicit analogy: echo chambers are an escape from reality. Not sure if it was intentional, but I thought that fit with the themes and enhanced my experience of the poem.
I think the relatively short stanza lengths also help the poem overall, because they avoid overwhelming the reader and allow the code symbols to stand out, breathe and do their thing
Continuity
Something I noticed about the continuity/ flow of the poem was that sometimes the poem’s specific topic seemed to jump around. I can kind of see the development from true/false binaries to “echo chambers”, but then I felt like the introduction of the data selling aspect was a bit sudden. I wonder if it would enhance the poem’s cohesion to echo topics from earlier stanza in the second-to-last one? Or to add a new stanza that brings them all together?
As for some smaller comments, I wasn’t sure how “how long 'til we hear ourselves scream?” fits in meaning-wise with the surrounding lines. Does it mean to say: if we were in an echo chamber, we would hear ourselves screaming?
I also thought it was interesting that the first line “tapping on silver keys” is the only place that refers to the physical aspects of computers as opposed to software.
Overall
This poem gave me a lot to think about, and that’s cool
Let me know if you’d like more feedback on something in the poem, or if anything I wrote didn’t make sense!
-Lim
Hi Lim, thanks so much for the detailed review!! ^-^
I loved seeing your interpretation of the poem, as well as the themes you found and the connections you made between them.
Ooh very interesting. Reading this poem again, I feel like the speaker has a bit of conflict between hoping people are complex (fighting reductionism) and wondering if things would be better if people were simpler and more logical. This could also connect to the lines "what must we / be?" with the speaker wondering which one it'd be best for people to be... Hmm... To be honest, I often form poems more through a general idea and word play than a planned meaning. So it's all open to interpretation. xD I think I will try to be more purposeful in future poems, though...
Yes!!
Oh I didn't even think of that, but that's very true!
Mm good point. >.> I like your suggestions!
Once again, poeting is kind of a vague process for me right now xD, but I think what I was trying to get at here was that we sometimes try to drown out our own pains and woes by becoming immersed in online worlds. We distract ourselves.
Your review gave me a lot to think about as well!! =D
That sounds like an excellent piece of advice. Thank you so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night, Lim!!
Hey again mint!
That's a totally legitimate way to write a poem! I think for me, what made me read this poem the way I did was 1. I'm kind of predisposed to treat poems as containing 'messages' (though there are definitely other ways to read poetry) and 2. I read the third stanza, as well as other stanzas that had more direct thoughts and 'story' attached to them, and then I tried to make sense of the rest of the poem based around those - because those were what came to 'mean something' in my head first.I can imagine a more wordplay-based poem that could still deliver on theme. Like maybe mixing phrases about people and rhyming them with phrases about tech or machines to show their relationship.
Ah, I see! Yeah that's a very relevant idea, and I can see how it connects to the "how long 'til we hear ourselves" line now.
Hope you have a wonderful day/night as well, mint! I enjoyed reading your poem
I am here with another review xD
.
First impressions... This was a powerful piece, and I saw what you said in the comment underneath me and I think you definitely snuck some emotion in there-- especially in the last stanza! I knew this was going to be a powerful piece as soon as I started reading
When I was reading this I felt... I was honestly nodding my head along to it, as if someone was giving a speech or as if this is spoken word. It kind of had a rhythm to it!
My favorite line/quote is... I chose this line because I see what you did there;). I've noticed you're super good with personification, and specifically in this poem you related percentages to humans, and parenthesis to humans, to create 'punctuation unions' or 'groups of people'? Maybe even a government reference?
Some things I would change would be... Once again, nothing! This was a unique take on societies problems and/or standards!
Overall... I enjoyed this read! I'm super impressed with your use of punctation also, I don't think I've seen anything like it. It definitely makes your work stand apart from others. Once again, I'm blown away <3
With Love,
Ley
Hi again, Ley!! Thanks for the review!
Oh haha I meant emoticons, as in the little text faces I like: =D
But I'm glad emotion came across as well ^-^
Ooh interesting. Yeah, I'm a fan of personification, but I didn't notice how often it popped up in my poems until now XD Your review's making me realize new things!
There are some great poets on YWS who use punctuation in unorthodox ways, by the way! I feel like I've been inspired by starlitmind (there's a poem on grammarly of hers that's super neat haha), Hijinks, Liminality, SilverNight, and alliyah in all their creative uses of formatting
Once again, thanks for the review, and have a fabulous day/night! :]
Ah! This one is so creative; ALL the punctuations!!
Fun read!
thanks, alliyah!! :] i am quite a fan of random punctuation XD if only i could've snuck some emoticons in there too... >.>