Mrs. Ranker sent me off to Mrs. M’s house after a dinner of roast beef, beans, and salad. “Make sure you are back before it gets too dark!” Mrs. Ranker said. “Stay on the path,” she went on. “Oh, and don’t forget-”
“I know! Don’t talk to strangers!” I cut her off. “You tell me every night! I will be okay!” I said.
Mrs. Ranker looked like she was going to say something, but just turned and went back into the house.
I walked down to the sidewalk. I fingered the photo inside my jacket pocket absently. I was at war with myself. Should I give it back? Or hold onto it a little bit longer? Of course number one was obviously the right thing to do. Yet number two was so tempting. I thought a while longer as I turned left off of Main Street. Number two it is, I finally decided.
“Rooosseee,” a voice whispered.
“What? Who’s there?” I pulled my jacket tighter.
“Come here, come here, come here…” the voice echoed.
I could feel a small vibration in my pocket. I pulled out the photo. Once again it shimmered in my hands.
“What in the world-?” I started. Then the photo started moving, and not even because I was shaking it with fear.
The blue-eyed baby’s eyes twinkled and she laughed. The old lady behind her smiled even more. “Rooosseee,” the voice whispered again.
“What?” I asked it.
“Neevverr leeet goooo….” It seemed to say quietly.
“What?” I repeated. A man passed me with a puzzled look. I smiled reassuringly at him. “My aunt, um…I am talking to my aunt.” I told him. Not realizing I had just broken the rule of "not talking to strangers".
He shook his head at me and went on.
I slid the photo back into my pocket and walked on towards Mrs. M’s house. “I will.” I said quietly. “I will hold on and never let go.” I said to the photo and reached into my pocket to grip it tightly.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
This will probably be more positive than before.
My overall impression: That's creepy--in a good way!
The grammar has improved, though there are still a few things I could point out.
I hope there's more of this on YWS--I'm off to check, and if there is, you can bet I'm going to review it!
I don't really have all that much to say about this chapter... your previous reviewers have already given you some feedback about the nitpicky stuff, so I guess I'll just give you a ramble on stuff you might consider looking at if you choose to edit this novel.
That said, it's your story, and how you present it is 100% up to you.
Ignoring length (which I'll comment on later), I feel as though, like with chapter one, this was a separate chapter to chapter 2 part 1. The time is different, I'm guessing it takes place in the evening of the day that started in Part 1, and although, if it were in a novel, it could be after a "***" kind of thing, the fact that it deals with different ideas makes it feel like a new chapter. So what I'm saying is don't feel obligated to make sure your chapters are any particular length by having part 1 and part 2 for all of them. To me, this feels more like a chapter 4. There's nothing wrong with shorter chapters, if you use them right.
This was a very short chapter. That said, I think it worked alright here, because it's a fairly pivotal moment, and the shorter chapter length kind of works as a stylistic feature to draw focus to what's going on. That said, I think it does need a little padding, mostly in the form of creating some atmosphere. I'll sound like a broken record by saying this, but description, description, description. Describe the weather, is the street empty, do the streetlights cast shadows, how dark is it, is Rose in a rush? All that kind of thing would add a lot to the chapter, making when the photo does start talking even more mysterious.
Aside from that, I thought that this chapter was done well. Even though the start was a little rushed, it worked, because it felt like Rose was in a rush, so the pacing reflected her mood. The rest of the chapter, in terms of action, also had some great pacing. Your story is developing well, you've set up the scenario, now everything is unfolding very nicely!
Great work, and Happy Review Day! See you at the next chapter!
Heya, I'm here to review.
I think it makes more sense if she shouts it instead of saying.
The expanding of words works for Rose, but not for this bit. Maybe just add that they said it quietly and slowly.
Nice chapter, those are the only things I found wrong with it. I look forward to finding out what happens.
Thanks for the review!
Ooo
There is obviously something going on here. A talking photo?! That's pretty cool, and I think you described Rose's reaction very well. This is rather short, especially compared to the others, but it still is really good. I am really curious to find out what the photo meant by 'Never let go'. 
I can't wait for the next part.
Just two corrections.
Then the photo started moving, and not even because I was shaking it with fear. (I think the last part of this sentence sounds a little awkward. Maybe you should reword it to something like, "and it wasn't because my hand was shaking with fear.")
I told him. Not realizing I had just (I think this should be one sentence with a comma instead of a period after 'him')
This is awesome.
Great work! <3
~BookWolf
Thank you for the review!
I was actually thinking of putting "let it go"
and because she was guilty for keeping it, but I decided to just keep it as it is. 
Thanks again! If you ever need anything reviewed just let me know! 
instead of don't let go, because my "frozen fever"
Haha, no problem!
Frozen. <3