"The hoverboards are easy to manage. Turn one way, they go that one way. Turn the other, the same happens. Do not lean forward on your boards, they will increase in speed rapidly." Ben looked at me. "Very rapidly."
"I won't screw up," I said sarcastically, "I promise."
Ignoring my comment, he pulled the door open wide. After me, Johhny and Martin had made it out, he locked the door more than once, checked it, then locked it again.
"Why all the caution?" Ben gave me an 'I-said-I-will-explain-everything-later' look, and threw his hoverboard at the ground. It instantly floated a mere 3 feet from the earth.
"Solar panels," Ben explained as we threw ours on the ground as well. I strapped a very excited Johnny into the side seat. Stepping on, I strapped my own feet onto the board. It was kind of wobbly, but I was used to it by now. Learning to ride a basic hoverboard was something pretty much every kid of Pan learned how to do.
"How fast do these things go?" I leaned forward, nearly bumping into Ben. Maybe riding it wouldn't be as simple as I'd hoped...
"They," he glared at me, straightening up, "can reach speeds up to 80 miles an hour. We're not going past 55 - which is already programmed into your boards." Ben looked almost intimidating on the hoverboard. He was already about 4 inches taller than me; him being on the board, flying higher than me, made it worse. "You ready Mr. Martin?"
"Let's go," Martin said from the behind me. Ben made no hesitation, and sped off ahead of us. I leaned forward a little, and I had soon caught up with him. It took me a little while, but soon I had the hang of it. Riding this one sure did strain the legs though.
We passed very few trees, and the sun was brutal. Several times I had to reach into my backpack to pull out the water bottle and sip a bit. I was going to be burnt more than a piece of toast.
I passed the time by counting the number of animals I saw. None of them looked particularly dangerous - just the back of a bunny here, the flitting of a deer's tail there. Every so often, Martin would speak up from the back... Normally to comment on how hot it was, or how bad his back hurt, or to say "in my generation," or something like that. But for the most part, we traveled in silence.
Soon, Ben began to check over his shoulder, as if something caught his attention. Then he would comment to say something about how close our next break would be. "10 minutes, and we'll stop," he said over his shoulder.
Johnny looked up from me, his face slick with sweat. "I'm hot," he whined, sniffling a little bit.
"We'll stop in a little bit," I told him - though I couldn't blame the kid. It was probably around 80, in February - which was pretty odd for Pan. Or wherever we were. When we reached a clump of trees, Ben stopped us.
"We can take a break now," he said while climbing off. I unstrapped my feet, and jumped off as well, unbuckling Johnny. I carried him to the shad under the trees, and set him down. He wiped his forehead, and curled up into a ball.
"I'm hot," he repeated, this time louder.
"Here," Ben tossed me a water bottle. I opened it, and poured a little into my hand, splashing Johnny's neck and face with it.
"Drink this," I urged, giving him the bottle. He eagerly drank half of it, then let it all back out onto the grass. My heart started to race, and not just because of the heat. Something was wrong with him...
Ben knelt down next to me, feeling Johnny's forehead. He pressed two long fingers against his neck and Johnny closed his eyes. Reaching into his backpack, Ben pulled out a long piece of cloth. He wet it with the water bottle, folded it, then laid it on top of Johnny's forehead.
Still worried, and partially annoyed, I rolled my eyes. "What are you? Some certified doctor?" Ben's face tightened, but he said nothing. He stood, glancing back the way we'd came. He looked back at Johnny, shaking his head.
"We need to keep moving. We'll get back on in about 10 minutes."
And ten minutes later we did.
We only stopped about twice after that for drink and food breaks. Johnny seemed to be getting better, but he often slept in the seat when we rode, and never spoke very much. By the time it was getting dark, and our hoverboards swiftly dying, we had reached a stream surrounded by big boulders - some with large openings, like caves.
"We'll sleep here for tonight." None of use disagreed with Ben, and we all followed him into a small cave-like boulder. After Martin and Ben had finished stacking the hoverboards on the side, Ben left to get firewood.
Martin never spoke. Not once. He was smart. Must've known I would've attacked him for being so clueless.
Ben came back, his hands full of twigs and branches. He took a match to a leaf, and set the pile ablaze.
"Won't it be too hot for that?" I asked. Ben shook his head.
"Get's really cold in the night. Near 30 degrees, almost." He pulled a blanket out of his backpack, and laid it out on the ground. "Get used to sleeping like this. Beds are a luxury we can't often afford."
I wanted to ask him who 'we' was, but I knew he wouldn't answer. Not until he got that "chance" he was talking about. I doubled up on mine and Johnny's blankets, and he laid down. He was looking a little better, and he was actually taking the water now.
Martin had already laid his stuff out on the opposite side of the fire. He looked like he was going to say something, but he didn't.
"We'll take turns watching. 2 hours, then switch. I'll take first watch." Ben was already on his way out, and he sat at the entrance to the cave with his blanket wrapped around him, a shiny knife in hand. It may have even been the one he had almost killed me with...
"Well," Martin laid down closing his eyes. "You know, I really could do for a snow-cone right about now." Okay, I had to laugh at that one. Some of Martin's youth seemed to comeback when I did. "Goodnight," he whispered. Johnny was soon asleep, but I couldn't. Ben would do something in the night, I knew it.
I kept watching him with one eye open, waiting for him to turn and throw the dagger at me - but the most movement he made was looking up at the star-filled night sky.
Finally, I gave up. If he wanted to kill me, he would've done it already. On that grim thought, I closed my eyes, darkness already enveloping me.
End of chapter
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Still some homophone errors, but nothing major that I haven't already pointed out.
You had better not kill off, or come close to killing off, Johnny. <.> Just kidding, it's your novel! Do what you want! But I like the little guy....
Maggie is somewhat annoying in this chapter. Parts of her reaction are understandable, but it just seems unreasonable for her to get angry at Ben for saving her brother.
Good work overall!
Hey, Snazzy!
Here for a review.
Sometimes, though, it can be boring. This was not boring, at all. You said what needed to be said and moved on, though they seemed to reach the cave rather abruptly. I would really suggest adding more description (as always). You've probably already told us what it looks like in the outside world, but being the dense person that I am, I've already forgotten. xD This is the future, and that means everything doesn't look exactly like it does right now. Maybe it's greener, maybe it drier--I have no idea, you tell me. Plus, telling us about the landscape would really help with beefing the story up and making them reaching the cave not feel near as sudden.
And don't worried about there not being answers until chapter six, it's fine. Can't wait for the next one! 
Okay, so, I really liked this chapter, but I'm one of those weird people who love reading travel in books.
I liked how Johnny got sick in this chapter--not because I like hearing about little kids getting sick! xD I think it helped add realism in the chapter and something else to relate to. I mention this though because I found it weird that when Johnny puked up his water, Martin was no where to be seen. I mean, he's the adult here, right? It just seemed odd to me that he wouldn't be there, worried about the five-year-old's (he's five right? Six?) sudden illness.
(Also, I agree with Skins about the whole Ben killing her thing. I trust him. Just thought I'd mention it.)
(nitpick incoming!)"I won't screw up," I said sarcastically, "I promise." To me, this doesn't seem like a sarcastic thing to say, especially with the 'I promise' at the end. Perhaps she said it with annoyance or anger? I don't know, it just seemed off to me.
Welp, nice job, Snazzy!
- BookWolf :3
Wassuuuuup!
I keep reading your degrees and being like omg that's boiling, but then I remember you're referring to fahrenheit as opposed to celsius. Goddamn me.
So yus, hi. I love futuristic stuff, it's just so futuristic. In all seriousness, you wrote this scene very nicely. The pace was good, and despite nothing monumental happening (they're just hovering on over to wherever they're headed) the scene didn't drag in the slightest. You made their journey fun to read, y'know? I'm getting more and more intrigued by Ben too. I feel like theres stuff we don't know about him, and lots of it, so I look forward to delving into him a little more. I'm super pumped to see what role Maggie's mum plays in this too, as I remember you saying I was right in suspecting she had a big one. It's all very mysterious, and I like it!
I'm going to kick start the critiquing part of this review with something I *think* I've mentioned before, so I wan't drag it out. You tend to refer to futuristic things as futuristic things, which if you think of it, doesn't actually make any sense. I realise what I've just said probably makes no sense either, but just roll with it. Let me see if I can find an example...
Okay, so! If you were from the future, you wouldn't consider it the future. Take mobile (cell) phones. According to the 70s, they would be these crazy hi-tech creations from the future, but living here and now they're just mobile phones. Here and now, we wouldn't refer to phones as something 'of the future' because for us, this is the present. The same goes for Maggie. For her, hoverboards are totally normal and are related to her present. Err, does this make any sense? Side note: does this mean bikes no longer exist?
Sticking to the hoverboard theme, at the beginning(ish) of this Maggie noted how rising hoverboards was super common for kids in Pan, so she knew all about them already. As such, I got the impression that she'd ridden one before. As you went on though, you started giving the opposite impression. I'm feeling especially examplesque today, so let me find another one.
This suggests that hoverboarding is a first time thing for Maggie, what with her having to get used to it, giving us her impression on doing so e.t.c. Plus at the very beginning Ben explained to everyone how they worked, which again suggests this is her first time. As such, I'm a wee bit confused. Do most kids in Pan learn how to use these things, but Maggie herself didn't? Or does she have experience with them, but just not in a while maybe? That could do with some clearing up!
On a less picky note (those critiques were rather nit-picky, so take them with a pinch of salt), I can't help feeling like everyone should've been more wary of Johnny. I understand that they were in a rush and what not, but he's a six-year-old kid travelling for hours in the blistering heat. You suggest he's got a bit of sunstroke too, which can be pretty serious for someone his age. While Maggie was clearly concerned, as were the other two to a degree, I feel like it needs to be a slightly bigger deal. I'm not saying they should stop everything and nurse him back to pristine health, but even making the reason they stop at these boulders for the night be related to Johnny would work. Ben could be like "hey, he's looking pretty bad and we need a rest at some point anyway, so let's stop here to give him some recovery time."
And finaaalllyyyyyy, I'm not 100% sure why, but Maggie's decision to stay awake due to lack of Ben trust felt a bit random, a bit sudden. It feels like her trust in him has been growing pretty fairly over the past few extracts, so her being all he might stab me seems like she's retracted a heap. I'm not suggesting she should have full faith in him and the two should fall madly in love or anything, I had just gotten the impression that she'd gained enough trust in him to not think he wants to kill her. Plus c'meeennn, it's obvious he cwl. I could be completely wrong and he may end up being a psycho killer, but I trust Ben. I don't know, I guess Maggie's conclusion that he still wants to kill her seems a bit extreme for me.
Apologies for giving you kind of flimsy critiques, there's nothing major wrong with this extract at all. You wrote it wonderfully, and it's probably one of my favourites because of that. We're seeing more character growth in Ben, your pace was great, the whole hoverboard thing was cool e.t.c. It just all fit together super nicely, and it was a pleasure to read. As always, if you've got any questions or comments regarding this review, you know where to find me!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins