Blotted Out - Chapter 4.1

by Snazzy

Published February 23, 2016

In Blotted Out

My breathing was becoming much harder by the second, and my arm felt like it was on fire. The hooded person held up the knife closer to my cheek, almost puncturing the skin.

"Come on now, I don't want to puncture that pretty little face of yours." By the sound of it, the person was male, but I couldn't figure out what age. He was a little taller than me, and was obviously strong. As fast as I could, I slammed my hand down on the red button. "Why you-" the boy was cut off as Martin's face appeared over the hole's entrance.

"Stop!" He yelled. "Stop! Dealeantur! Dealeantur! She's with me!" After a moment's hesitation, the boy dropped his weapon, and let go of my throat. I immediately fell to the ground, and cradled my injured arm. In one swift move, he took off the hood and reached out his hand. Reluctantly, I took it. He helped me up, and then turned back to Martin. He was now out, and reaching down for Johnny to get out. The boy got on his hands and knees, and reached into the hole. Together, him and Martin drug Johnny out, and set him down carefully on the smooth dirt floor.

I reached out for Johnny as he ran to me, still dazed. Hadn't I been hugging him with two good arms just a moment before? The boy shook Martin's hand. "I'm terribly sorry, sir. We weren't notified of anyone coming up through the burrow hole."

Martin's face crinkled up into disgust. "Notification, wha-. When did you guys start guarding the safety rooms?"

The boy looked slightly annoyed, as if he's told this story once or twice. "Protocol. Once the Silver Lea-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know the story." Martin looked just as annoyed, if not more. "Can you take us to," he looked over at me. "Can you take us there now?"

"I have to call up another guard, and then we can head out tomorrow. It's getting dark out." The boy looked around at us, his eyes resting on my arm. He sighed loudly to himself, and rolled his eyes. "Follow me," with that, he picked up my fallen backpack and walked off in the direction of a small house.

"Dark my foot," Martin muttered. I hugged Johnny tighter; this wasn't the fun-loving Martin I knew. He looked back at me and Johnny, and his gaze softened. "Come on then, we might as well follow the boy." He fell back into step with me and Johnny, and examined my arm. "Are you okay?"

I nodded weakly. Honestly, my arm felt terrible, but there were more important things than that. Like who this boy was, and what in the world was a crappy burrow hole. Seeming to read my mind, Martin sighed.

"I will explain, as will the boy, everything tomorrow." When the three of us reached the cottage, the boy was just unlocking the door. Inside, it smelled of freshly burnt wood, and picture frames littered the bookshelves. The place was unusually tidy, considering the circumstances. The boy led us to a set of bunk-beds.

"This should be enough room for the three of you." Once again, his eyes found their way to my arm, and he winced. Before he could talk again, Martin spoke up.

"This will do, young man, but if I may ask - where's the bathroom?" He whispered that last part and Johnny giggled softly. The boy cleared his throat, and pointed over his shoulder.

"First door on the left." After Martin had left, he looked at me again. "Does it hurt?" I shook my head shamefully, but he must've been able to tell I was lying. "Come here," I followed him to a small room with a table, a stove, and a refrigerator. It must of been the kitchen. I sat down and held onto Johnny's hand. He had remained quiet for most of the time, and he was probably scared half to death by everything.

The boy came back with an aspirin, some cream, and some bandages. He instructed me to lay my arm on the table, and I did. He pulled up a chair, and started to rub the cream where my arm had slammed into the rock wall. At first I shrank away at his touch, but then relaxed as he smoothed the rest of it on, a little bit more gently. When he started wrapping my arm with the bandage, he cleared his throat.

"Sorry about that," he muttered. "I thought you were an intruder. If I would've known you were coming - none of this would've happened." His voice sounded too sure and professional like. I cleared my own throat, trying not to sound rude.

"It's alright. I have two of them." So much for not being rude.

"And about the knife - "

"Don't worry about it." Of course, everything else was telling me to kill him now, or at least threaten to, but I guess that wouldn't win me much shelter; it might even get all of us kicked out for the night.

He had finished wrapping up my arm, and he clasped the metal bits so it stayed. The boy got up, and filled a glass with water. He set it down on the table and pushed the asprin over to me. "I'm Ben."

"Magdeline."

Johnny immediately spoke up. "I'm Johnathon, but people call me Johnny for short." For the first time, Ben smiled.

"Well Johnny, I think you'll be some good company while we travel." Before I could ask him where he was taking us, Martin strolled back in.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
BeTheChange
Review
BeTheChange wrote a review Review · Jun 9, 2017

Nit picks:
1. "It must of been the kitchen."--you mean "have been". :)
2. "His voice sounded too sure and professional like." There are two moderate problems with this sentence. First, "like" isn't needed, and in fact, it sounds a bit clunky. Second, it's kind of confusing--too sure and professional for what?
I like this new character of Ben. It's too early to tell, but I get the feeling that I may start shipping him and Maggie...
Good work on this chapter!

User avatar
BookWolf
Comment
BookWolf commented Comment · Feb 26, 2016

Hey, Snazzy! :D I'm just gonna leave a comment to show you that I read this, because I'm sort of feeling bad about the teeny tiny reviews I've been writing that probably aren't helping you at all. I still want to be tagged though so don't take this as a hint that I want out! ;)

Also, is there going to be romance between Maggie and Ben? I think there might be.... Possibly. I can see it now! The two of them, together, forever....! (Sorry, I'm a big fan of romance xD. Don't mind me.)

Cya! <3 :3

Snazzy replied · Feb 26, 2016

I'm still unsure of it myself.

Well, this is the only male I think I've written that's remotely close to Maggie's age, so... (: (: (: (:

And don't feel bad on the "tiny" reviews! ;) (Trust me, I'm sure they're all better than some of mine...)

User avatar
KaiRyu
Review
KaiRyu wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2016

This is KaiRyu back for another awsome review peoples!!!! Loved the plot line, especially when the guy got it totally wrong about Johnny and Magdeline, could totally feel the embarrassment coming off him in waves at that part! ;) Love how she kinda acted like Hein, being rude without meaning to... I liked how you showed a different side of Martin. That's it for now, if I didn't refrain myself, I would probably fill up two whole pages with stuff that I liked... ;) Till somewhere in the future, LadyRanicorn out!!!!

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Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2016

Look at me, here all early and stuff.

I fear I won't have a hell of a lot to say about this chapter because there was pot progression, and new characters, and lots of stuff (that I liked). This Ben fella seems interesting, and as someone who tries to sniff out every character relationship in the history of the world, I feel like things could get pretty interesting between him and Maggie. It's got me curious, that's for sure. I like this revelation of Martin knowing a lot more than originally believed, and I'm dying to find out what his role is in what's going on. I can't stop wondering what's happened to Maggie's mother too. These are all good ponderinga and questions, ones that keep me hooked, so a really awesome job.

I want to start off with literally the smallest nit-pick I think I have ever brought up in any of my reviews, ever. At the mention of a red button in the beginning of this chapter, I found myself a little perplexed because I couldn't remember a red button, or why it was important. I skimmed back over the last extract and figured out what you were talking about, and noticed that you'd not mentioned the button being red at any point back then, which I think is what caught me off guard here. Like I said, this is 100% the dumbest nit-pick ever, but I figured I'd bring it up because it confused me, and I want this review to say at least something.

Honestly, I only really have one critique for you, and it's somewhat a repeat of my last review. Oops. Basically, I feel like we're losing track of what's going on inside Maggie's head a little. Now I am somewhat biased because I have a slight obsession with character, compared to a somewhat smaller interest in plot. Nonetheless, I do think you should show us more of Maggie's narrative, thoughts, reactions e.t.c. as you did when she was making her way through the tunnel. I want to really get to know Maggie, understand what scares her, what makes her tick. In order to do that I need to hear her thoughts frequently, and especially in a first person narrative such as this, your protagonist is super important. I just want to see more of what's inside Maggie's head sometimes, is all I'm saying!

Oh, there is actually one more small(ish) thing I want to bring up. Something I've noticed, which I don't usually notice for some reason, is that I don't really know what many of your characters look like. I don't need detailed physical descriptions of every character as we meet them, don't get me wrong, but I like to be given some of the most notable details. You obviously give us some information, but I would like maybe a little more. Even just small things like hair colour, eye colour, height, weight e.t.c. I won't ramble on with this because it's quite self-explanatory, but yus, it's something to maybe consider anywho :)

That's all I have, I think. There certainly weren't any major hiccups in this, not for me anyway, and it's probably one of my favourite extracts. Kudos to you! You know the drill by now; any questions, comments e.t.c. you have, don't hesitate to let me know.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Snazzy replied · Feb 23, 2016

I see what you mean about the overall characters - I'll probably go back (or forward) and add in a few things about my characters' physical traits... I'll try and add some more thoughts that help explain Maggie as well.

Thanks for the review! :D

Sins replied · Feb 23, 2016

Yeah, it's not a big deal but throwing in some here and there would be good, methinks! No worries anywho, I look forward to the next instalment :)



If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming