The Flower

Sure! Just post in the thread below and I'll get right to it.

topic62927.html

Dear Elinor,
Thanks a million!! I'm having trouble fixing it because it was one of my first poems. This is<I guess> a metaphorical flower about the evolution of human emotions. And yes, i wrote this when I was 8. Figures cause when I got my first notebook, all I did was scribble like I was writing so it fits. Thanks again so much!!!
Chow for now,
Sionarama
p.s.
would you mind reviewing another piece of my work?

Hi!

You wrote this when you were 8?!! Dang, it's quite impressive. You wrote better poetry then I do now. I think it's quite a sweet bit of poetry! I agree completely with Kyllorac! Once you fix the clunky bits, I think you could expand upon this a bit more now then you know more about poetry. Add some imagery. Where is the flower? In the backyard of the house? Who is planting the flower? Just adding those little details would increase the quality of the poem by a tenfold and help us relate better.

Good luck revising, and PM me if you have any questions!

-Elinor xo

I wrote this when I was 8 so its not one of my longest poems (duh!). But I was really suprised when I saw the reviews. I think its a powerful poem that has more meaniings than I ever thought of––but of course, I'm the author. It actually one a small award for what place I can't tell you. Your review Kyllorac, was very helpful and brightening. Thank you so much!!
Chow for now,
sionarama

This was very short, but not in a bad way. :D I do think the poem could do without the O_O at the end, though. Some of the lines felt a bit clunky: a good tip when writing poetry is to go back through and read it aloud. If you stumble over something, or if something sounds off, it usually is, and you should see if you can fix it so that everything reads smoothly.

Hey Sionarama, this was fairly good. It flowed smoothly in certain places and had a nice overall story.

Drop a seed
let it fall
when it is It's would sound much, much better here 'it is' ruins the flow.on the ground
life starts.
Soon sprouts of joy will come
be patient
let it grow.
A bud appears, love starts.
A flower grewInstead of 'grew' which makes the statement to simple you could say 'anew' same sounding but more fresh.
and now we are here.