Bubba:
grandmother in Yiddish.
Carefully
meticulously
she labors
under low lit lamp
a cloth
as fine as gold
wraps around her fingers
and makes
a pattern
that has never been
thought of––––
yet.
this is a shoutout to my Bubba! I love u and u inspire me daily to to write with zest and follow my dreams!
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Short and sweet - I agree with perdido, that it needs to be ever-so-slightly reworked here and there for a bit more polishing, but otherwise very nice. Yes, I, too was goig to say that the colours make it really hard to read - which they do - on screen, but I think if you printed it out, it wouldn't look so bizarre. Hmmm...you've got me thinking, coloured poetry - probably not a new idea, but certainly not very common - I wonder why? I think working with black and white allows the reader to form an image in their own minds about the 'colour' they glean from the poem, rather than forcing them to think in one way - I think your poem is strong enough to do that on its own. But good to see you having a bit of fun with them anyway!
Just a last note about those colours of yours - I love music, and currently have been listening to a lot of piano music, with just the sound - no video or anything. In my mind, I always have this idea - 'oh, that's an orange song - but that second one was very green...' - etc about what I feel when I hear it. I think people do the same thing subconsciously with poems - no need to overdo it!
first of all: spare us the colors.
meticously = meticulously (that really gave my dyslexia a run for its money)
raps = wraps
Anyway: I have a soft spot for poetry written about the creative process. I'd work on condensing, so you have more room for more things so
"she labors
under the low lit lamp"
becomes
she labors
under low lamplight
(or something)
Its subtle, but you save some words. Work on that because in a short poem like this, every word has to be perfect and deliberate.