Young Writers Society

I like this poem as I do all of your works but this one seems a little rushed in my opinion.

I would rewrite-

Gentle words run down your face like caressing rain.

And weaving them together you make a tempest of words


Another thing is that I would put a space between sleep in and awake, just to make it neater and easier to read.

Last of all- this poem is really good but with a little tweaks here and there you can make it even better. Nice job with the title btw Sionarama :3


Sincerely, Creativeatheart

Wow, great poem, and I really like the title!

Laying on summer's edge#FF0000 ">,
the grass
as sweet as #FF0000 ">(the) honey
you sleep in. #FF0000 ">Sleeping in honey... I get the feeling this means something that I'm missing.
you #FF0000 ">wake, (or awaken)
gentle words run down your face like
caressing rain.
weaving them together#FF0000 ">,
you make
a tempest of words#FF0000 ">.
across the field#FF0000 ">,
a girl professes#FF0000 ">,
"your words
are like
jewels."

Blown away (but of course that's nothing new) by your imagery! I especially love this line:

"Across the field...
A girl professes
"Your words are like jewels."

Very profound. I love it! Poetry is definitely your forte.

I liked this but the flow seems raged. A few commas would be good in it. Breaking it up into stanzas would also suffice.


'Laying on summer's edge.....

The grass as sweet as honey
you sleep in. (This confused me a bit, who sleeps in honey? )
You wake (Awake? Wake seems more fitting to this.)
Gentle words run down your face like the caressing rain. (Like- The.)


Weaving them together,
you make a tempest of words.
Across the field...
A girl professes

"Your words are like jewels." '

I can see what you are saying a bit but you just have to word it right so it can make more sense and not look sloppy. Overall nice work, keep writing!

Hey, Siona!

I really like this! It's very well written. I agree with fiction903, though. I think you need a few more commas in some places. Once again, great job!

~leeanna13097

This beautiful! And so true! I connect with this poem because I'm a poet myself. You are so gifted and talented and what really impresses me is that you are only twelve. You just got yourself a fan! Keep writing! Congrats on writing such a great poem!

You have a interesting poem.I like the simile at the end. I also think you are missing a couple of commas.I think you did a nice job describing the dream. If you wanted to make it longer you could elaborate on what the dream girl looks like.