Published October 20, 2010
Ok, so, I just wrote this. It is like, the first poem I've written in about a month... I'm not sure about the title or the end, so please tell me what you think! Also, I didn't really edit much.
Dry spell, dry spell,
go away!
Don’t come back,
another day!
My trash can may be happy
full of balled up attempts
to brake this spell
this writers block.
But oh so sad am I.
No clever lines; or beautiful words
can I transfer from my mind,
to the blank paper before me.
Ink tear drops fall
from my neglected pen.
Writers block, please go away.
If not for me, for my poor pen.
Paper left forgotten,
no use for it now;
and so it just fades away
into a pile of unnoticed dust
Oh, please, I’m begging now;
go take a vacation.
I’m sure you could use one,
you’ve been at me forever it seems.
Now when you go-
Oh, please do so soon-
done worry about returning,
if you’re need, I’ll be sure to let you know.
Okay, just felt like adding this: I got inspiered to write this when I tossed a empty water bottle into my little trash can in my bedroom. It just Popped into my head!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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#0080FF ">"Dry spell, dry spell,
go away!
Don’t come back,
another day!"
This made me think of that rain rain go away song "But oh so sad am I.
#0080FF ">No clever lines; or beautiful words
can I transfer from my mind,
to the blank paper before me." this was my favorte part because it happens to me a lot
#0080FF ">"Now when you go-
Oh, please do so soon-
done worry about returning,
if you’re need, I’ll be sure to let you know." It should be needed
BYE!
You need to add more poetic devices like similes and metaphors. Imagery would help a lot too. And being less direct, these would all help make this more interesting. And tying this into a story or something in which you can fight with writer's block or something would also be more interesting.
And going through motions of what it is really like to fight with writer's block on just trying to find some muse. That would make it more understandable and easier to connect with.
And saying how your paper is affected and your pen is not that interesting. It's very boring because we have no concept of them as a person-type-thing. They carry no real action and little significance. You could honestly say what both of those stanzas say in about two lines. And the goes for the leaving, you mention that in like 3 stanzas and it's just repetition of what you've previously said. Which is pointless.
Just an idea to get things flowing for you:
Try to describe things in indirect ways, and then throw some sort of deep philosphy into it. It's an easy way to get some ideas togeather. Try your back yard for example. tree = gaints of life. Where the sun god's mettle shines, the giants of life praise and wave in a powerful wind. Trees blowing in the wind, and it's sunny outside.
That's all I've got really,
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.
And pm me with any questions.