Letters to the Dead

hey, rain.
just a quick reply:
maybe you can improve on punctuation and capitalization, but i think the poem was cute just the way it is. and um..i didn't quite feel nostalgic about it, maybe a little more emotion?

anyway, keep writing.

WOW! Wonderful poem/letter. Just a few spelling mistakes. Keep writing!

Hey Silent!

Oh I just have to say, I absolutely loved this! It was beautiful, and it was sad, and so emotional it made me wonder if it comes from real life? I really hope it doesn't But if it does, it's such a beautiful thing to do to write like this.

Now, onto the review!
You probably know the drill seeing as I've reviewed for you a couple of times now; grammar/spelling/punctuation in red, comments and suggestions in bold.

Dear Jane,

Everyday,
you die a thousand times,
when I realize,
for the millionth time,
that when I come home,
I can’t tell you about my day. This is an absolutely beautiful opening stanza, I love it!

When you left us,
all the color in the world
drained away.
Now there is nothing
but black and white,
with a little streak of red. Ditto the above, without the "opening".

Red like the death that stole you.
Red like the emergency room signs,
that haunt my dreams
and wake me from sleep.
Red like your favorite shirt,
I now keep in my closet,
just to feel closer to you. Ditto the above, in fact, I really can't critique this, there isn't anything I'd change.

The pain has lessened,
but it still lingers in the corners
of my subconscious mind.
Now you're stuck in my head,
with the almost forgotten memories
that events seem to bring back up.

I no longer have you here.
But in my dreams,
we are just kids again,
drifting through fields
of lavender lilies.
Sailing on the tunes
of nursery rhymes
we loved to recite I THINK this is the word you're looking for?
even though
we were way too old.

Here, I will always have you
until the day
you no longer come to me.
When all I have of you
are pictures and cold memories.

You'll never be forgotten,
Your sister...

well i liked it alot and I think it was great and just to let you know one of my friends just died and this reminds of her

Hey! Teardrop here!

I like this, thought I believe this is a letter, so I would probobly add a signature and a closing!

Ithought that sometimes, in the poem, that you could have made it flow a little better. Even though it's a letter, it's still poetry and poems sound better when they have a good flow. Try and make it sound natural. ( Sorry if that sounded harsh. )

SilentRain wrote:Red like the death that stole you.
Red like the emergency room signs,
that haunt my dreams
and wake me from sleep.
Red like your favorite shirt,
I now keep in my closet,
just to feel closer to you.

SilentRain wrote:Wrote this in like, three minutes. I edited it a little, but not much... What do you thing??? Think. Sorry, that annoyed me

-------

The pain has lessened,
but it still lingers in the corners
of my subconscious mind.
Now your stuck in my head
with the almost forgotten memoriesPunctuation
that events seem to bring back up.

I now longer have you here,
but in my dreams,
we are just kids again,
drifting through fields
of lavender lilies.
Sailing on the tunes
of nursery rhymes
we loved to receipt
even though Add punctuation to these last few lines
we were way to old.

Here I will always have you ,
until the day,
you no longer come to me,
when all I have of you ,
are picture and cold memories.
This seems to be a letter but you don't have a sincerely or love or something like that.

Hey Rain, just checking out and roaming around the poetry section and I'll have to nitpick this:

"you're", Rain..."you're"

Anyway, why do you have to always nostalgic?! O_o You told me once in your messages that you're not really emo but why do you have to write about these kinds of stuffs? Poetry themes are not limited. I know it's emotional but isn't cheerfulness an emotion, too? O_o

You wrote it nicely, but I'm still wondering. O_o I really like your poems, but it seems like it's always about the same thing. Like you're rearrange the same pieces of lego. Sorry if I sounded harsh. Keep writing! Please do...

~ JAsh ♥

P.S. to those who think I'm intruding Rain's career, pffft... haha! I am so not.