Has my love left me?
Moved on to more promising people?
Found a new love to hold her hand?
I feel so alone,
Another day done by,
Without the percence of my love,
Without her arms wrapped around me,
Anchoring me down to the Earth.
Am I lost?
Have I really been left behind?
An old toy a toddler grew out of?
Is that all I have become?
My love, my talent, my writing,
It is all I have, my meaning to stay.
And now I ask you, my love,
Have you left me?
My poems have become stale,
Old work sitting around,
Cursing me for their half-creation.
My stories, those of another land,
Sit in waiting, wondering,
“Will she ever find her way back to me?”
I pray for rest to help me back up,
For this rock bottom is quite cold.
I need support, I need it now,
For my love, my writing, it is my life,
And without its strong pull,
I will surely float away into deep space,
No gravity to bring me home.
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139,632 Literary Works • 672,636 Reviews
Hey there, Silent! Told you I was coming for you, didn’t I?
First off, always try and do even a quick bit of editing. It looks bad on your part if you don’t edit at all and even worse if you just come on out and say that you didn’t review it. For a reviewer, it can seem like you don’t really care much about the piece you’ve just written.
Thankfully, there weren’t too many nitpicks that stood out too badly but there were three that really caught my eye.
“Finding” should be “found.” It’s all about using the right tense to match the lines above it, you know!
“With out” should be one word: “Without.”
“surly” should be “surely.”
“land” feels like a very uncomfortable word here.
Overall, there are a lot of places where you could improve. Right now, you have a lovely idea, making your writing into your metaphorical lover.
But it seems a little unfocused. You’re close but there are a few places where your idea seems to stray, especially the second paragraph.
Another thing that I wanted to mention is the use of questions. They really do seem poetic (I do it a lot myself) but sometimes, if you don’t provide answers, then they seem like just poetic nonsense. And that wouldn’t make much sense now would it.
As far as title ideas go:
Without Words
Inkless, Heartbroken
The Gravity of Your Words
Anyways, I hope I was at least a little help! If you have any questions, just ask me!
~lilymoore
My Title suggestion: Gone!. Other than that you had a few grammar and spelling mistakes. Overall this poem was interesting. Keep Writing!!!!
Here's a few suggestions on a title: I, The Lost One, Where Has My Life Gone, Love, Life, and my Misery, Heart: Lost From Me.
I hope those help. I actually like this poem, though some of it seemed a bit weird and a few language errors could be corrected, overall it was good.
I can certainly empathise with this. Sometimes your writing is all you can depend on and when that is gone, what's left? I loved this poem,so much I think it should be featured! Definitley getting a like from me! I don't think you really need to improve this because it's already such a wonderful piece of art. So sorry for the rubbish review :/ Also I kind of think it goes better without a title, it's like it lets the reader figure out what it means for themselves.
Good luck with byour writing and I really hope to see this featured and to read more of your work. xxxxxxxxMatt
I like this a lot. I wasn't quite sure what you meant, if your love Was your writing or if it was just another love. Which I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. But all in all I like it a lot and hope to read more from you. As for a title.... I think i'd go with something that relates to the wind personally. Just because it feels like it was there one second and gone the next, unpredictable and sometimes leaving you frightening and wishing it would show up again. But whatever floats your boat.