Well, this just came completly out of the blue... I LOVE IT!!! What do you think??? Didn't edit at all, wrote it in like, 10 mins...
Hello my loves.
My rainbow,
after a storm.
My sunshine,
from behind a cloud.
My lollipop,
after dinner.
My bare feet,
on hot sand.
My bare skin,
wet by salty waves.
My teddy bear,
sitting on my bed.
My sunset,
after a bad day.
My sunrise,
after a good night.
My favorite song,
turned up really loud.
My purple PJs,
with little hearts.
My hot shower,
after a cold night.
My shorts and tank top,
on a hot florida day.
Hello life’s simple joys,
oh how I love you.
~11-2-10~
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140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Aw, this is such a sweet little poem! The one thing I might change is, I might say "loves" ath the beginning, since you use the plural noun "joys" at the end. But it was really great, I like all the stanzas, especially this one:
"My purple PJs,
with little hearts."
Adorable.
This is pretty freaking awesome for a 10 minute poem dear! I love it! There were a couple of lines I would leave out though.
Hello my love.
My rainbow,
after a storm.
My sunshine,
from behind a cloud.
My lollipop,
after dinner.
My bare feet,
on hot sand.
My bare skin,
wet by salty waves. I don't really like this stanze.
My teddy bear,
sitting on my bed.
My sunset,
after a bad day.
My sunrise,
after a good night.
My favorite song,
turned up really loud.
My purple PJs,
with little hearts.
My hot shower,
after a cold night.
My shorts and tank top,
on a hot florida day. I don't really like this line either for some reason.
Hello life’s simple joys,
oh how I love you. Love how you tied it up.
~11-2-10~[/quote]
You know I havn't read anything happy in some time, and you just made my night. Just the simplest things tied together, and you made a wonderful poem. I can't wait to read more of your work.
-Flow-
Interesting and cute, and quite simple.
I like it.