At the far end of the aisle, I sat on the pews.
Looking with intent eyes in the direction they longed the most,
I saw the person, a violin in hand, time stopped.
He looked this side, without notice of the glow in my eyes.
He sat there searching for something I couldn’t have found.
A smile I smiled, as if it was my first.
The music began, Beethoven started, with its joy.
A moment was taken for this beautiful realisation of my presence.
Rondeau followed with its tone still echoing in my ears.
Mozart at its best, I thought, watching the bow moving vigorously, as through my veins.
Tchaikovsky played the best part with the theme of unrequited love.
Magic spread, while I sat wondering how I had fallen in love with this magical instrument.
It ended, he bowed, the same way I had in front of his love.
I returned, with nothing but contentment,
Of the truth, that it was God who had sent for me to bring Me back, my Love back.
Very good! It made me feel as if it were all happening around me. Just a thought on the title. When I saw it I wasn't sure what to expect. (but I enjoyed it very much) I feel the title is vague. The love is of music and I thought the title should indicate so.
Hi, Sharon!
This is Eros here with a review for you!!
There are some criterias which I always look for when I write a review. These are
1) Title
2) Organisation
3) Content
4) Words used
5) Lucidity
6) Punctuation and grammar
7) Miscelleneous
First off, Lets begin with the
>TITLE
I'm very glad to say that your work has fully satisfied the first criteria. A good title should be of appropriate length, related to the jist or main idea or it can even be rellated to the conclusion... That is in short, it must be related with the content.
Secondly, A title must be catchy and attractive...which it obviously is for this piece... Otherwise I wouldn't have stopped by to have a look at this.
Well not only did this piece made me to stop by, but also, it's beauty compelled my heart to express my feelings about it...which I'm doing via this review.
> ORGANISATION
Organisation...Since this is a poem, I don't think there is any need of giving a detail about the organisation...as a poem is seldom organised in a different way... By different way of organisation, I mean... Like sometimes we see a poem in the form of a riddle, or questions and answer format, etc... But that's rare... And it depends on the topic you choose.
The topic you choose perfectly matches with how you organised it. It's basically a plot or a scene that you have described in a poetic style.
> CONTENT
Content, indeed is very meaningful...with an indepth hidden feeling of tender emotions which you succeed in describing with a wetness of feelings and emotions.
So, your poetry has succeded in this criteria as well!
> WORDS USED
I find the words used are very well suitable for everything you describe... The person sitting and playing a violin. I myself, a fan of music instruments---especially the stringed ones, can understand the part very well. I appreciate you for the way you have described everything---just AWESOME!
The words are wisely used. I liked this.
> LUCIDITY
The lucidity of the poem is very naturally expressed... It is expressed in a very easy to understand language. Using easy language provides a clear idea to the reader about everything you want to show or tell, which you have done beautifully. I love this.
But, It does not mean that using difficult language is not that good. It is good and has it's own different advantages like it is helpful when you want to give the reader a freedom to create their own perception of an idea or a character.
> PUNCTUATIONS AND GRAMMAR
As far as i see, there's no serious flaw as such regarding this aspect.
> MISCELENIOUS
Just a little suggestion, it may be just me who thinks this...but, you could have given some details about the person and the violin... Just to make us get a picture and so that we could actually 'see' the person playing the violin...in our mind's eye...
It's not a serious thing---and I would not like to emphasise or stress more on it...because even without the description, your poetry is very beautiful and unique in it's style.
Here I would end up my review with just a few more sentences.
You are gifted with a natural, inborn talent of expressing your unique ideas and the depth of feelings through your writings. I like your style of writing and also appreciate the smoothly flowing style of the poetry you have written.
Just keep writing such MIND BLOWING works and keep improving more and more to become a successful and an influencive Young Writer...
Have a Great day/night!
Hi there! Just a few things that I noticed.
First off, this line; "Looking with intent eyes in the direction they longed the most,"
It's just a little awkward to read like that, so I would do something like this;
"My eyes looking intently in the direction that they longed for the most,"
Instead of saying "He looked this side," I would say, "he looked this way," It's easier to read and makes more sense. I would change "notice," to "Noticing."
Overall, a very nice poem. I loved it!
Sorry that this was so short, and I hoped it helped.
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