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12+

A Single Red Rose

by Sharon1407


Dead leaves fluttering and dumped on the doorway.

Emotions suppressed underneath and flooding at the wrong places.

A smile faked while the shine subdued in my eyes.

People roaming without any presence.

Then suddenly, realisation of my fading sense.

Over-thinking, weakness or strength, bemused.

Coming forth, going back, not really elucidated.

Tears fall, dry up and again there’s a mist in front.

Feeling sick within and without.

Nobody for me except for the love which you flout.

Love is a mystery, journey, an experience.

Everyone says so, but few may actually ascertain it.

When I say, I love, I truly contemplate that fervour.

Now, it’s no more caring for someone, but just dumb-shows,

As I stand here today as a single red rose.


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8 Reviews


Points: 4
Reviews: 8

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Sun Nov 13, 2016 10:50 pm
BelleTheWriter wrote a review...



Hi! I'm here for a review!~
I really liked this poem. It had a lot of good description and it gave off very strong emotions, which is something, I personally, hope for when I read poems.
This poem really had me intrigued and I loved to read this. I loved to have such a vivid images in my head as I read each stanza.
Thanks for writing this! :)

Sincerely,
-BelleTheWriter




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Points: 98
Reviews: 1

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Sun Nov 13, 2016 9:19 am



Hi, Sharon 1407
I would say it was a pleasant read and keep on writing such poems which reflects the person you are




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117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

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Sat Nov 12, 2016 2:48 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, Sharon1407.
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I find that the poem's topic is somewhat cliche. You weren't quite original when you brought up the rose bit either, because roses are so common in poetry. You have some wonderful, original poetry, but if you've seen something used before, I suggest trying not to use it. That way you present something new, instead of something cliche and done to death (like the rose).

A smile faked while the shine subdued in my eyes.

People roaming without any presence.

These two lines are kind of..off to me. They're there own little thoughts, and not directly related to anything in this poem. Since they're both they're own little thoughts, reading them aloud sounds kind of odd. But that's just my opinion.

There is a subtle, but present rhyme throughout the poem. I'm not sure if I've reviewed one of your poems before, and you have already heard my stance on rhyme, but regardless, I shall repeat myself; I personally don't like rhyme. My reasoning being that it isn't really necessary (and so many people think that it is). It constricts the author into being limited to a certain set of words. Every word has a rhyme, but that rhyme might not be the word you're looking for. This could block you from being able to convey certain feelings/emotions, and could make the poem weaker. Not to mention, the true meaning of the poem could always lurk behind the pretty rhyme (like Ring Around the Rosy).

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope my review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^




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223 Reviews


Points: 3766
Reviews: 223

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Sat Nov 12, 2016 1:33 pm
ZeldaIsSheik wrote a review...



I liked your use of large exquisite vocabulary, and I think you did so in moderation. I have read poems with many larger, uncommon words; it doesn't exactly work well. But either way, I did like to read this poem. I thought that the way you related the story with nature without making it feel in a natural setting was a great addition to the overall feel of it. It felt more like poem told from one looking down on his life and the world, not like a first person character retelling his life story.





Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.
— Antonio Machado