When the Raven Falls

Heya!
Augustus here.
Well, I really liked your poem and even if there are three reviews on it already, I still want to review it.
What I really liked about your poem was the structure of this poem. Also, the imaginary was so vivid and clear, it kind of made my day.
Now on to the nit-picking, well the poem flowed really well.. until the last stanza. I felt like it didn't fit well with rest of the poem. Maybe, you should rewrite it or something. But, of course its just an advice. Its your poem, obviously.
I would love to read more of your stuff.
Wish you luck for the competition!
Keep writing and stay awesome!
~Augustus

Hi!!

Wow!! This is incredible! Very inspiring. I thought you had a very strong grip on the language. All of it had such a positive connotation. The imagery was so vivid. You painted the scene well. My favorite verse was definitely, "When the raven falls, silent as a fleeting thought/ It has no one to bury it, to break its fall/ It falls alone, in freedom and silence." That was REALLY strong. There is really only one tiny thing I might change, but this is totally out of personal preference. I think the word "winging" in the first verse is a bit awkward. Is there a synonym you could use in place of that? Again, that's just out of my personal preference. It is your writing, and the verse stands perfectly strong as it is, haha.

This was such an incredible poem, as I said before! You're an awesome writer!!! I hope to read more from you!

~ Fearlesslove4

Hi Sarah12! Cakerissa reporting for reviewing!

Okay, so I have to say something real quick. I liked how you related this to us and I hope you do well in the talent show! Onto reviewing. You may want to add punctuation at the end of the lines, I mean, some authors don't like doing that. I'm just suggesting. I like how you chose the symbol of the raven to represent bravery and perseverance. I liked how you had a lot of imagery and description at the beginning, but you kind of lost it at the end.

Good luck and Keep writing!
Cakerissa

Hi! I'm here to give you a review

Ok so first of all, very good poem, I greatly enjoyed reading it and I would love to hear it read to me. Good luck for the talent show and I hope you have an awesome crowd that will appreciate this beautiful poem!

The idea behind this is great and it is well explained through the good imagery you used. My personal favorite stanza was :


When the raven falls, silent as a fleeting thought

It has no one to bury it, to break its fall

It falls alone, in freedom and silence

This is because of the clear image you created. It really managed to bring out the mood and tone in the whole poem, so by far it was the strongest stanza.

I do however, have some few things which I would like to comment on. First thing that I noticed was that in the first stanza you said 'The winged raven' I think that it should be 'A winged raven' because you use 'the' when you know the reader knows which raven you are referring to so instead use 'a' which makes it more general and also it makes it flowing when read aloud.

Another thing I want to comment on, is your use of caesuras. You used the commas in a good way and they were placed at the right moments to create the perfect eerie mood. However, you did not use commas at the end of some lines, not even full stops. This made it seems like the whole poem was made of run on lines, so while reading it aloud it had a fast pace which didn't really suit the poem. I just suggest you read it aloud and add some punctuation.

Overall, I loved it and the idea behind it. It has a great message and the fact you revealed it at the very end made it perfect.

Keep on writing! I look forward to reading more.

~RS