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Good day:)
Feeling happy to meet another 13 (I'm also 13)*_*

This poem of yours is really heart-touching I must say. Your lines have something that can make a reader feel the pain of the narrator. The rythm was good or it would be better if I say perfect for this kind of poems. My opinion says that this is the best romantic poem I've read in YWS. This reminds me of the movie 'The Twilight Saga New Moon'.

Specially I liked your 2nd stanza the most that says:

My heart aches to feel his touch,
Without his love, I’m not left with much.
Never again will he kiss my lips.
Never again will the goodness eclipse.

And the last stanza too:

My heart is broken
My soul forsaken
For when he left
My passion he kept.

But I think the title is not that much suitable. It sounds better if it is 'When He Left' or 'The Moment He Left' or 'Breaking Heart'.

So good. Keep writing like this. I wish you from the bottom of my heart.

God bless...
Your YWS mate
Urba
:0 ^_^

Brevity and simplicity. Your poem embodies these two perfectly. At first glance, a poem about forsaken love seems clichéd, but you made no pretensions, and prevailed in the end. At least that's my opinion.

What I think works very well is that you've excised the clichéd parts. You're not exaggerating the tears and the drama, and you're not going with the cheesy but subtle good vs evil romantic theme in that one partner is always bad and to blame. I guess you've managed to capture the fact that sometimes no one's at fault, and a relationship would just fall apart.

I particularly enjoyed how your poem eventually contracts to the last stanza, I could imagine the impending closing of the curtains. It works well as a way to lead on to the resolution of the poem, as a general trend that defines your poem.

However, what I feel could be improved (although this is subject to opinions and what you really want in your poem) is the rhythm of your poem, in other words the adherence to your metre. However, the lack of adherence to the metre could work to your advantage if you choose to let it be - after all, the narrator isn't exactly in the right state of mind to recite music, so a departure from traditional techniques of poetry, or at least the failure to conform to it might reflect this. Like I said, it's up to you what you want in your poem.

Other than that, I believe the poem feels incomplete. One or two more stanzas that gives us more insight into this relationship and its failure might do it justice, but then again, that's just me.

I really love this. It just has so much passion and soul, and I can feel the pain.
I also really liked your rhyme scheme---I think it gave the poem so much power and helped relay your message so well.

The last stanza was my favorite. It really almost broke my heart.
"My heart is broken
My soul forsake
For when he left
My passion he kept."

l love that. I can feel the pain this person feels, and I can feel the ache.
Overall, I think this was an amazingly written piece and I loved reading it! Thanks for making me feel your words.